This weekend we finally attempted to solve our concrete slab problem (our bed in case you’re not following along). My brother and sister-in-law moved into a new house, and they had a whole queen-sized bed they were offering to get rid of. We went over there to check it out, and as soon as I got one shoulder on that thing and realized it felt less like a concrete slab and more like a small piece of heaven, I wanted it. Like now. But Brad had other thoughts. Like how are we going to get it all the way to our apartment? And it’s such a hassle to haul it up two flights of stairs. And what will we do with our old bed?

I tried to reason with him because surely my comfort and well-restedness was worth the hassle, but he coaxed me away with the promise that we’d find an amazing mattress topper that very weekend, and money would be no object. So on Sunday, out we went in search of a solution. We found it the shape of a Gel Top Featherbed from JCPenney. It was on sale, plus let’s just say we know people.

In the end though, it still cost more than an ENTIRELY FREE bed would have cost. And actually a little more than I wanted to spend on my sleeping arrangements since we also had to buy a mattress pad so our bodily fluids cups of hot tea that we like to drink in bed and might accidently spill won’t stain the unwashable featherbed. Plus, we had to buy a whole new set of sheets because all of our previously owned sheets were a size too small (we had been using full-sized sheets on our queen bed because the pockets on queen-sized sheets were too large for our thin dilapidated slab (I mean mattress), but with all the added padding none of our sheets fit anymore).

So now I bet you want to know how I slept last night. Like a baby? As if I were on a cloud? Well, not quite. The bed is definitely much improved because my arms didn’t fall asleep when I laid on my sides and I didn’t have any scratches on my knees or elbows (get it? because it’s concrete?). But I popped a couple Excederin PM pills last night before going to bed, and I think that stuff does weird things to my subconscious. I slept fine from 11 to 3, but the last few hours of sleep were riddled with bizarre dreams and half-conscious thoughts. It was not restful sleep at all.

But I blame that on the meds, not the bed.