I'm only 38.5 weeks pregnant, but I already feel overdue. I think because of the gestational diabetes I got it in my head that he was coming early, and so now, even though it is still plenty early, it seems like it's late. The other thing is that I've become a little frightened about the possibility of being induced. I'm trying to keep an open mind so that I don't feel disappointed or terrified if it has to happen, but as the possibilty draws nearer, I realize I really prefer to avoid that. I've heard and read stories about induction that really make me uncomfortable. Others that sound just fine, but the uncomfortable ones stand out.
If the baby doesn't come on his own by my due date, they will want to induce me on or near that date, so it feels like there's this countdown, this ticking clock. He has a week and a half to come on his own, and every day he doesn't feels like a missed opportunity.
I don't want to be impatient. With Mo, I didn't feel rushed and I was content to be pregnant as long as I needed to be. I don't want to wish this pregnancy away, and I do want to enjoy the last days of being a family of three. And I actually feel pretty good, so it's not a discomfort thing (although just recently my ribs started hurting like they did with Mo, like baby's butt is pushing them out of place, and it hurts!). So basically, I don't want to be in a rush, but I feel impatient!
In other news, I'm kind of scared. Of labor. They say you forget the pain of child birth, but I have not forgotten. I don't remember it as clearly as I did in the months immediately following, but it was a pretty terrible experience for me and I am scared to go there again. I've already said that I'm much more open to an epidural this time, so I know there is the option for pain relief if things get unmanageable. But it's not just the pain. It's the endurance that is required - emotionally, mentally, physically. It's the possibilty of so many things going wrong.
I have such conflicting emtions: I'm eager to have this baby. But I'm scared too.
This is a terrible selfie-in-a-dirty mirror moment, but it's the most recent pregnant picture I have available. Taken the day before 38 weeks.