Tomorrow I will be 27 weeks pregnant. Some people say this pregnancy is flying by, but for me it has been quite slow. Not because I'm uncomfortable, but because I spent most of the first trimester unable to really connect with this pregnancy for fear of losing it. But I guess the days have been long and the weeks have been short because suddenly I'm entering the third trimester. I've been sad about how much it feels like this pregnancy is slipping away without the fanfare it deserves, but I just can't get myself to nonchalantly celebrate.
I think after my struggles to conceive the first time, and then my first loss, a part of me naively thoughts, "OK, well the shitty part is over with now." I knew bad things could happen at any moment, but I compartmentalized those feelings and let myself enjoy being pregnant with a healthy baby. But then I had another miscarriage after Mo, and I can no longer compartmentalize the heartbreak and the dread of possibly more heartbreak.
Every day I try to stop and focus on this pregnancy, cherish is, acknowledge it. But in the big picture, it's just not the same as it was with Mo despite how I try.
Anyway, I read some blog posts from around this time in my first full-term pregnancy for inspiration about what I could share and celebrate. So here's a little update at Week 27.
I thought it was supposed to come back in the second trimester, but it never really did. I've been physically, mentally, and emotionally drained the whole time. I did sleep pretty good during my second trimester, but now I seem to be heading back into poor sleep mode, which doesn't help. I did take a four day weekend this past weekend and went to the lake to try to relax a bit. It was a fun weekend, but I wouldn't call it relaxing. I don't think much is with a toddler.
I think my belly is bigger at this stage than last time, but oddly, I still have this idea that most people can't really tell I'm pregnant. I did get a couple comments from strangers recently, which I know are not popular with some people, but I love them. I'm pregnant and proud, and if you can tell, all the better.
This was me at 27 weeks last time:
This is me at 25 weeks this time (the most recent pic I have available):
I failed my first glucose test. This happened last time, too, but I only failed by 3 points. This time is was 19 points (I scored 149). I'll have to do the second, longer, test again, which is fine because I know it's just long, not difficult. I do hope it comes back fine. While gestational diabetes is minor on the scale of bad things that can happen during pregnancy, I'd still prefer to not worry about it!
Yes, I am putting together a nursery for the baby. It's a very therapeutic process for me, and it helps me connect more with this baby. We could easily put up some basic furniture and throw some diapers in there and call it good, but I enjoy the process of putting together a space specifically for this new little person. He will probably sleep with me for the first month or two, like Mo did, but I'd still prefer to finish his room before he's born. I'll do a separate post soon about the nursery, but looking back at my posts from last pregnancy, I think I'm further along in the process than I was then!
We will not be hiring a doula this time. I was so thankful to have one last time, but the real benefit came from the work we did with her pre-labor. She helped us feel informed and empowered, and we'll take all of that with us into this delivery, as well. But in truth, I hardly noticed her during labor and delivery. I was so out of my mind with pain that I barely registered she was there. While I hope this labor isn't quite as painful (I had 19 hours of back labor and contractions right on top of each other from the start, so it is entirely possibly this labor will be more manageable) and that I'm more aware of my surroundings, I decided I am well-equipped to make informed decisions and do everything I can to have the type of birth I wish for, without the aid of a doula.
As usual, daycare decisions are stressful. It's a long, complicated story that I'll spare you, but after many ups and downs and changes and facts and figures and who knows what else, it looks like Mo will start attending her current daycare full-time (she currently goes 3 days a week and stays with family 2 days a week) next month, and the baby will start there full-time after my maternity leave. It's not exactly what we had hoped for at first, but given lots of complex circumstances, it really is the best solution for them and us.
This, of course, is everyone's favorite question. Unless you're one of few select people though, I just lie and say we have no ideas because I'm confident we won't decide for sure until he is born, and I don't want anyone to falsely lock into a name. But the truth is we do have a few ideas. We haven't talked about it as much as you'd expect, but we have a list about about 12-15 name contenders, and we eliminate a couple every time it comes up. However, I keep adding name ideas, so we're not actually making much progress. Hopefully we can get it down to 2-3 names before going to the hospital.
With Mo, I only had 6 weeks off. It was paid in full, which was great, but it was not nearly long enough. Plus, I interviewed for a job the day after my due date, accepted the job a week after Mo was born, and started the new job two weeks after returning to my old job. So it was a lot to take in while still full of post-pregnancy hormones. This time I will have 12 weeks off, at least half of which will be unpaid. I'm grateful for the additional time, but don't understand how the US is so backwards when it comes to maternity leave.
Mike only took a week last time, and that was not enough. Unfortunately, this time he has no PTO and no paternity leave, so any time he takes will be unpaid. We're trying to save enough for him to take 2 weeks off, but I'm not sure it'll happen.
ACHES AND PAINS
I remember toward the end of my pregnancy, I had to start seeing a chiropractor because Mo's butt or feet kept dislocating my rib, but I don't remember having that discomfort this early on. Turns out my memory is bad. My Week 28 update from last time reveals that I had a "foot in my rib" by then already, and that is the case again this time. Plus my entire pelvic region hurts so bad that it's hard to move sometimes. I think I might need to see a chiropractor soon. Other than my pelvis and ribs, I feel pretty good though!