Still sitting pretty. I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow. I went into the office today for the first time in nearly two weeks (holidays, vacation days, work from home days...) and made some order out of things there. Left it in a way that I won't have to worry about if I happen to not go back. I've been nesting at home for several weeks now, but there was always my messy messy office to worry about. Now that that's done, maybe my body will sense that I'm ready. Of course, it could still easily be another three weeks. I'm torn about my preference.
On the one hand, the later the better:
- That would mean less time I have to find temporary daycare before our permanent solution is available.
- I get more time to relax in the final days as a non-parent.
- I'm still feeling quite comfortable. I'm getting less and less sleep each night, and my pelvis and sciatica and rib are quite painful. But overall, I still can't really complain.
On the other hand, I wouldn't be terribly upset if this happened soon:
- I'm mentally checked out of work, but I don't want to start leave before the baby comes. Getting through 2-3 more weeks of work would be tough at this point.
- I'm starting to get nervous. The longer I have to wait knowing it could be any second, the more anxious I get. I don't need to work myself up over this for the next couple weeks!
38 weeks, 1 day
Speaking of getting nervous, all of a sudden I'm doubting my ability to do this. Lately I've heard nothing but unpleasant birth stories. Not that any experience is expected to be enjoyable, but there seems to be something going on lately. All the recent births I know of have involved really long and difficult labors. If you have a "good" first baby birth story, please share. I need to counteract some of the scary stories!
I don't even look pregnant from the front.
Oh there it is! 38 weeks, 2 days
A lot of people have said to me that there is no shame in getting an epidural (or other medical relief), and that nobody expects me to be a hero. Which, I'm learning, is why most people think I'm not going in with an automatic request for an epidural. But I assure you, I have no delusions that one way of giving birth is any better or more impressive or honorable than any other. It has never been about shame or weakness for me.
My ultimate objective has never been to have a natural birth. My primary goal is a safe and healthy birth. In close second is to have a birth experience I feel good about. I know a lot of women end up regretting this or that, and a lot of times that boils down to feeling out of control or misinformed. My goal is to make educated choices that are right for me.
In theory, I don't like the idea of being tied down by or hooked up to anything, be it an IV, an epidural, a fetal monitor. It makes me feel claustrophobic and panicky just thinking about it. Those things, I imagine, can drastically change the birth experience. But at some point, the desire for pain relief may totally trump my issues with being tied down and hooked up, and that's fine. I will feel no shame if I find myself begging for the drugs. And either way, I'll be birthing a baby, and that makes me a hero in my book!
38 weeks, 4 days
We spent New Year's Eve at my dad's. It was a Christmas/NYE celebration, and I laughed so hard all night, I thought I might laugh myself into labor. Alas, no New Year baby for me. I heard this morning that the first baby in my city was born at 12:04 after a mere two hours of labor. Her first contractions started at 10pm! The baby's name is Shakira, which, yeah.
I was using the coffee table as a foot rest, so my lap had to serve as the snack tray.
And just to wrap this up, here's where we parked the other day at the library:
Actually, we had just dropped some books off at the drive-thru drop box, but we needed to look up directions to our next destination, so Mike swung into the nearest spot. For a second he felt guilty, even though we'd only be there a few minutes, but then he realized it was totally legit. Not only am I expectant mother, but Mike is a senior citizen... or at least acts like one!
I've only gotten to use the expectant mother parking once (the time Mike swore up a storm, the post about which I now can't find). Every other time they've either been full or nonexistent.
38 weeks, 6 days
That is me today. I've gotten increasingly bad at taking mirror self-portraits. Please ignore my face.