I almost overlooked it, but yesterday was my due date for my first pregnancy, the ectopic. I thought about it several times leading up to yesterday, each time so thankful that I wasn't going to be encountering that day as a still-struggling person, but rather as someone 22 weeks pregnant.
Yesterday I was busy hanging out with my niece while Mike finished painting our baby's room, and the significance of the day never crossed my mind. I'm glad for that. I think it means I'm in a good place about the whole thing. If that pregnancy had not been ectopic, I would likely have had a baby by now or be having one very soon. Instead of a Fall baby though, I'll have a Winter baby, and with what I've been through, I know how lucky that makes me.
As I look forward to the future, I'm also thankful that the "anniversary" of my miscarriage will occur soon after my due date for this current pregnancy. On one blog I frequent, the blogger suffered a miscarriage, and a year later on that date, she wrote about how happy she was to be nine months pregnant. I remember I commented on that post that I hope I might be nine months pregnant when my "miscarriage anniversary" rolls around. And I will be! Or maybe I'll have already given birth.
I'm due January 10. This past January, I got a positive pregnancy test on January 11 and confirmed it with my doctor on January 12. I started spotting on January 13. I learned it wasn't a viable pregnancy on January 19, and I experienced the...hmm, majority?...of the miscarriage on January 21. There is not one day I associate with the experience, but rather a couple weeks or more.
Hopefully when I relive those weeks in four months, it will be with a HUGE belly or even better, a baby in my arms.
Even though that was an awful time, I'm glad for how it has played out since then.
(By the way, I was thinking about all of this today in my first prenatal yoga class! I'm extremely out of practice -- made obvious by my inability to hold downward dog for more than 15 seconds -- but it felt great to be there!)