There's this weird thing happening to me. I'm usually a very...hmm...intense person, I guess. I like to make sure things are planned and prepared and ready and organized. I get aggravated by nonchalance when there are things to figure out. But in the last few months, I've been so chill. I just kind of go with the flow, figure things will work themselves out. I have NEVER had that attitude before, and, in fact, that kind of attitude has always annoyed me because while those people were hanging out not worrying, I was taking care of all the details, letting them off the hook. But now, I feel almost apathatic about things. Not completely uninterested, just so relaxed.
I call it my Pregnancy Mellow. My family is astounded. When we were doing some work on the house before moving in last week, a couple issues came up that I would normally freak out about, going into FIX AND CONTROL MODE! Instead I was like, eh. They couldn't believe it.
This also applies for most things baby-related. Yes, I've een bparanoid about everything working out with this pregnancy, and yes I've been toiling over the guilt. But almost everything else, I am not thinking and worrying about nearly as much as anyone who knows me would have predicted. I have long been obsessed with baby names, but now I don't feel like even thinking about it. I know there are a million things I could be reading about pregnancy, birth, and child-raising, and I just haven't felt like reading any of it. I have long intended to look into the possibilty of a midwife, and now I'm nearly 19 weeks in, and I'm content to just do what I'm doing rather than research other possibilities.
At first I worried about this attitude, like there was something wrong with me. I worked hard for this pregnancy, shouldn't I be consumed by it? Obsessed with it? Even when I wasn't planning to ever conceive, my family joked that it was probably a good thing since I'd be a crazy pregnant lady. But here I am, and I'm just not. I was ashamed of that at first, and didn't really tell anyone. But now I consider it a blessing. I can relax and be happy about this without obsessing over details.
Eventually I'll give some thought to the essential things, but right now I'm totally enjoying my Pregnancy Mellow.