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Tuesday
Nov202012

My friend's story

Over the last couple months, I've mentioned my friend who experienced a pregnancy-related tragedy. I haven't shared any specific details because I figured it was her story to tell, not mine. But she recently shared her story on an infant loss/miscarriage site, and I got permission to share the link.

You can read Robin's story here.

I'd also like to offer a little context. This situation has affected me deeply, and I think it'll make sense after you read her story and also understand my relation to it.

Robin is my best friend. We've been friends since middle school, so if I'm doing the math correctly, that's twenty years. As she says in her story, she went off birth control in January 2011. I stopped taking it in February 2011. Neither of us got pregnant for many months, and we struggled through that together. Then, as she explains, she found out she was pregnant in December 2011. Four weeks later, she miscarried. The day she had her D&C, I found out I was pregnant. One of the hardest things I've done is tell my best friend, who just had a D&C for a miscarriage, that I was pregnant. But I knew she wouldn't appreciate me lying or hiding it from her. It didn't matter though. Two days later, I began to miscarry due to an ectopic pregnancy. So we supported each other through that mutual heartbreak.

A few months later, Robin shared with me that she was pregnant again. And a few days after that, I discovered I was too. We were both extremely tentative about the whole thing, knowing just how fragile early pregnancy can be. But amazingly, we both hit the 12 week milestone. We also both had really positive 20-week ultrasounds. We were still a little wary, knowing you're never fully out of the woods, but we did start to plan for the future.

This summer she and her husband moved from a home an hour away from us, to about a place about 10 minutes away. We began to daydream about play dates and raising our kids together and how our children would be best friends. It was all supposed to be so perfect.

Then in September the nightmare began. You should read her story for the details. Our paths were the same for so long, nearly parallel, then they diverged in the worst possible way. Not only did she nearly lose her own life, but she lost her son. She got to spend a couple days with him, and then he was gone.

From my perspective, it's very difficult. I'm supposed to be one of her biggest supporters right now. But I'm also her biggest reminder of what she lost. She was due January 5, I'm due January 10. Her baby was born in September, but she will always look at my child and remember what could have been. Fortunately we've been very proactive about dealing with this. We talk about her son and what happened all the time. We talk about how it could affect our friendship, and how we're going to work through that. I'm confident we'll be even better friends for going through this, but what would be even better is if none of this happened to begin with.

Robin's story is one reason I can never, ever not think about how lucky I am. I know these stories and the things I read on baby forums and whatnot serve to make me paranoid. But they also serve as a reminder to never take for granted what I have. I fully intend to have a healthy pregnancy going forward, as well as a healthy delivery and a healthy baby. But I don't want to take that for granted or forget how fortunate that makes me.

So anyway, that's the story. 

Reader Comments (6)

How utterly terrifying. I'm really sorry for your friends' loss. What a nightmare.

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen

My heart breaks for her.

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNanette

Wow. I cannot even imagine what she went through. I just keep shaking my head. I don't even know what to say.

And I can't imagine how that must be for you and for your relationship with her. I'm glad you're both talking about it and it's out in the open. That means the friendship is strong. It'll probably take a hit when you give birth, but it'll always be there. You're a great friend to her. And I'm sure she can use that now.

November 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkim

Wow. I had no idea it was THAT friend, whom you've mentioned several times and who is very clearly a close, long-time friend. And I had no idea your stories were so parallel. My heart hurts for her. I don't have words other than just, Wow. Thanks for sharing, both of you. These stories are touching, even for those who are blessed enough not to be able to relate.

November 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay A

Thanks for sharing Robin's story. My heart breaks for her and her husband.

November 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteralibaba41

My heart continues to go out to Robin. I'm sure she appreciates how you have been a good friend to her despite the really tough circumstances. Hugs to you both!!

November 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

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