Our Quest, Part I
Wednesday, January 25, 2012 at 11:05AM Where have I been? Well, crazy things have been happening around here.
First there was this:
And then a week later there was a phone call from my doctor saying it was over. Not a viable pregnancy.
But actually, before any of that, there was a lot of this:
Which is a story I probably should have told a long time ago. But instead, here we are.
Some of you may have picked up on the fact that our idea of and struggle to "become parents" had expanded beyond adoption (though we are still pursuing that, as well). But to some, this may be surprising news. There is a lot to tell, so much to unpack here.
I want to write about it all, and I will.
This is not the post I wanted to be writing first though. I thought I'd be revealing the exciting news of a pregnancy, of impending motherhood. But this happened instead, a miscarriage, and I can't not write about it.
Right now I'm trying to process everything. How we came to the decision to pursue conception alongside adoption, how I spent nearly a year failing to get pregnant, the shock of a positive pregnancy test, the week I spent celebrating that victory, and then dealing with the loss of the pregnancy and everything that was attached to it. It's a lot.
More soon...
Reader Comments (13)
I'm so sorry for your loss, S. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.
xoxo
Love you Shan. xoxoxoxo
I'm so, so sorry Shannon. Thinking about you and Mike
Oh I'm so sorry! I rarely comment but this post hit close to home. I too just suffered a miscarriage. I know the acute pain it brings and the deep disappointment. I hadn't been trying as long as you guys, so I know your heart must be even more hurt. I am so sorry you're going through this and I hope you will have your hearts desire very soon. Hugs from a stranger...
I'm so sorry Shannon and Mike. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I know it so incredibly hard. Sending you lots of good thoughts.
Delurking to say how very sorry I am. I can only imagine what a tough time this is for you and Mike.
I am SO sorry to hear this and sending many comforting thoughts and hugs. - Dori
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Oh, Shannon! (And Mike.) So sorry to hear the sad news. :(
Ugh. I am so very sorry to read about this. I can't say that I've experienced it but there are some people in my life that have and I know that it is devastating. Sending you lots of hugs (and they're very awkward hugs since I'm not much of a hugger)
Well, fuck. I'm so sorry, pretty girl. You guys have so much love to give, and I know you'll be wonderful parents when the time comes.
Hold each other tight for now, and know that we're sending love your way.
I'm very sorry for your loss. My husband and I are TTC right now and it has been frustrating and difficult for us sa well. You will be in my thoughts.
If I'm completely honest, I figured you would try to conceive. I didn't know if you had been, but I figured you eventually would.
Nine years ago, when Kevin and I started to try, I told him, I have a bad feeling, we should adopt. After hearing his aunt who had fertility issues say she wasn't sure if she would love an adopted child as much. He said, "What if we have a bio child and adopted child and I don't love that child as much." Coming from a person who doesn't like kids, I understood his fear, but knew he would anyway.
It took him years to finally accept the idea of adoption, and after several months of having an adopted child, he realized he could not love another child any more than his adopted daughter. It wasn't instant, but truth is, with a pregancy, you have nine months to fall in love before you see the child, so it makes sense to me that it took him a few months to fall in love with his adopted daughter. I know the next one will be the same.
I wish you were not having so much trouble, and I'm sorry that becoming a mom is not coming easy. But you will. It may take way long, but I really believe you will.