Thursday
May202010
The Marriage Barf
Thursday, May 20, 2010 at 06:48PM
I don't normally watch the Marriage Ref - I've only seen part of one episode before tonight. But after the finales of NBC's Thursday night line up, I kept the TV on tonight. I didn't really watch the story of the first couple - something about a mullet - but I was intrigued by the teaser for a couple in which the woman kept her last name and the man hated it. I stayed tuned.
If you missed it, it was heartbreaking. Just before the Ref made his call, he polled the "judges." The male (I have no idea who that dude was) was adamantly opposed to her keeping her name (shocking), Kelly Ripa was on the woman's side (yay Ripa!), and Demi Moore sided with the man because he was "allowing" her to keep her name professionally. Then. THEN! Kelly heard Demi's reasoning and CHANGED HER MIND! All three judges said she should change her name because it means she loves him, she's proud of him, they're a family, it's tradition. All the same bullshit. I'm sorry, but it is. Every person can do what they want with their name and it doesn't weaken any of those things. They're good reasons if someone uses them to make their OWN decision. They're bullshit if outsiders impose those things on someone else.
I was thoroughly impressed when the Ref went against the popular vote and gave the win to the wife. He said her husband had a strong, smart, independent and beautiful wife, he should be proud of her and not worry what she's called. Go Ref! Except wait, what's this? Booing from the crowd, ridicule from the judges? Kelly Ripa even said something like, "keep your name in your professional life, but use his in your real life." Because your professional life isn't real, and because really, you're his wife and should have his last name. Barf.
And wouldn't you know it, the Ref changed his mind. I know most of you don't get as passionate about this issue as I do, but I honestly felt sad, and yes, even a little heartbroken, watching this unfold. I know there are bigger, more important issues in the world, and there are even much larger and more dire women's issues I care about. But seeing how clouded so many peoples' thinking is about this, it honestly makes me feel so defeated sometimes.
If you missed it, it was heartbreaking. Just before the Ref made his call, he polled the "judges." The male (I have no idea who that dude was) was adamantly opposed to her keeping her name (shocking), Kelly Ripa was on the woman's side (yay Ripa!), and Demi Moore sided with the man because he was "allowing" her to keep her name professionally. Then. THEN! Kelly heard Demi's reasoning and CHANGED HER MIND! All three judges said she should change her name because it means she loves him, she's proud of him, they're a family, it's tradition. All the same bullshit. I'm sorry, but it is. Every person can do what they want with their name and it doesn't weaken any of those things. They're good reasons if someone uses them to make their OWN decision. They're bullshit if outsiders impose those things on someone else.
I was thoroughly impressed when the Ref went against the popular vote and gave the win to the wife. He said her husband had a strong, smart, independent and beautiful wife, he should be proud of her and not worry what she's called. Go Ref! Except wait, what's this? Booing from the crowd, ridicule from the judges? Kelly Ripa even said something like, "keep your name in your professional life, but use his in your real life." Because your professional life isn't real, and because really, you're his wife and should have his last name. Barf.
And wouldn't you know it, the Ref changed his mind. I know most of you don't get as passionate about this issue as I do, but I honestly felt sad, and yes, even a little heartbroken, watching this unfold. I know there are bigger, more important issues in the world, and there are even much larger and more dire women's issues I care about. But seeing how clouded so many peoples' thinking is about this, it honestly makes me feel so defeated sometimes.
in So Annoyed, Women
So Annoyed, Women
Reader Comments (7)
People are idiots: http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2009/08/12/2009-08-12_70_percent_of_americans_.html
I hadn't seen that article - thanks Anna.
Ew:
“They told us that women should lose their own identity when they marry and become a part of the man and his family. This was a reason given by many.”
“They said the mailman would get confused and that society wouldn’t function as well if women did not change their name,” Hamilton says.
I haven't watched the episode but I've got it on my pvr. It should be interesting to see my husband's reaction to it - he wasn't the biggest supporter of me keeping my name when the issue first arose but now he doesn't care (at least, I don't think he cares.) It makes me really angry (and a little sad) that the celebrities (in particular the women) would take the stance that the woman should change her name. I know the show is supposed to be funny and not be taken seriously but I feel like they have some responsibility to not be idiots, you know? Let's not normalize the point of view that women should act a certain way to please their husbands. It's just ... gross.
I haven't watched that show... I've heard good reviews, but it just doesn't seem like something that would lead me toward a relaxed state of mind.
Honestly, I just don't understand why men (and some women) are so adamant about women changing their name. I have gotten some weird/rude comments about not changing my name ("Why not just be common law?" was one of the worst), but mostly I just tell people in no uncertain terms that it's none of their damn business.
Also, WOW. Kelly Ripa and Demi Moore don't go by their husbands' last names. They are total jerkfaces if they think celebrities should have different rules than the rest of the world.
Thank god for Hillary. I always love your take on this stuff.
I was just about to say the same thing.