Friday
Aug072009
A glimpse
Friday, August 7, 2009 at 11:48AM
I was doing some community outreach for work today, and this little girl came to our table. She was asian and her parents were white. The girl started coloring a picture and her parents watched from a distance. The area around our table was complete chaos, swarming with people, but the girl was fully focused on her coloring sheet. Most kids rushed through and on to the next attraction, but she stayed and carefully colored until it was complete.
I was mesmerized.
Even after she finished coloring and rejoined her parents, I kept staring. I couldn't stop watching them. I felt so drawn to this family.
That could be me someday. I want that to be me. That's kind of what I always pictured - married to a great guy, adopting a child or two, probably internationally. The little girl was exactly like I picture mine: friendly, pensive, mature, creative, adorable.
As I've gotten older and closer to the age where I might want to have kids, I've started to think more realistically about it. I know it's still what I want, and the Giraffe is in agreement, but the truths about the cost and the difficult process are setting in. What if we can't afford to adopt a child? What if it takes years and we get worn out? What if we get our hopes up and hearts broken repeatedly?
My sister asked the other day what we would do if adoption wasn't an option for financial or other reasons. Would we have our own or none at all? I said none at all. I followed it up by saying that by the time we actually try to adopt we may desperately want children and maybe I'd be willing or even excited to bear them. But from my current perspective, if adoption isn't in the cards, maybe kids altogether aren't either.
I've always carried the caveat the I may change my mind. I never say never about biological children, and I'm fully aware that minds change and so could mine. But I've wanted to adopt since I was in high school, and rather than that desire fading as an juvenile idea, it's gotten stronger. It feels like what I'm meant to do.
Watching that family today, I felt a bizarrely strong connection with them. Something visceral, involuntary and very real. I don't get that feeling from children or families in general. But when I saw that family, I think I saw my future.
I was mesmerized.
Even after she finished coloring and rejoined her parents, I kept staring. I couldn't stop watching them. I felt so drawn to this family.
That could be me someday. I want that to be me. That's kind of what I always pictured - married to a great guy, adopting a child or two, probably internationally. The little girl was exactly like I picture mine: friendly, pensive, mature, creative, adorable.
As I've gotten older and closer to the age where I might want to have kids, I've started to think more realistically about it. I know it's still what I want, and the Giraffe is in agreement, but the truths about the cost and the difficult process are setting in. What if we can't afford to adopt a child? What if it takes years and we get worn out? What if we get our hopes up and hearts broken repeatedly?
My sister asked the other day what we would do if adoption wasn't an option for financial or other reasons. Would we have our own or none at all? I said none at all. I followed it up by saying that by the time we actually try to adopt we may desperately want children and maybe I'd be willing or even excited to bear them. But from my current perspective, if adoption isn't in the cards, maybe kids altogether aren't either.
I've always carried the caveat the I may change my mind. I never say never about biological children, and I'm fully aware that minds change and so could mine. But I've wanted to adopt since I was in high school, and rather than that desire fading as an juvenile idea, it's gotten stronger. It feels like what I'm meant to do.
Watching that family today, I felt a bizarrely strong connection with them. Something visceral, involuntary and very real. I don't get that feeling from children or families in general. But when I saw that family, I think I saw my future.
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Just stuff
Reader Comments (5)
This is a beautiful post. And to find a man who is an agreement about adoption is also a wonderful thing. Sure you may change your mind, but that's neither here nor there. Just that you think about adoption so strongly shows you're a very wonderful, selfless person.
You are amazing.
Shannon: That was beautiful. I hope that whatever life holds for you, it brings you happiness and joy. And maybe an adorable little Asian baby.
Giraffe: My husband hates you. Mostly because I just all melty and girly. He says quit making the rest of us look bad.
Let me tell you from premature first hand experience, adoption is a huge blessing. I would hate to have missed out on meeting this little girl. This little girl seems to be so much a part of our family and even though its only been a week, she feels like she was meant to be ours. Not as an infant, not as a four year old, but as a five and a quarter year old with losses, connections, families. The neat thing about adopting an older child, your family grows. My main goal in life is to stay connected with people. I have so many connections in my world: my high school/college people, my coldwater people, my Kevin people, my post college people, my young church people, my older church people, my family, Kevin's family, and now I have my Little Miss people. I may not get to see everyone often as a result, but each are important in my life. My life is a little fuller as each little connection.
This was a wonderful post, and you are a wonderful person. Truly.