Sunday
Aug162009
FAQ with the Giraffe
Sunday, August 16, 2009 at 07:42AM
S: Hey Giraffe. How are you?
G: I'm good. A little nervous about revealing myself to the world wide web, since I'm basically a computer moron. But overall, pretty good.
S: You are pretty funny with the computer, but it's endearing. So tell us a little about yourself.
G: I'm a Virgo who likes long walks on the beach, romantic candle lit dinners, and coffee and conversation. What do you want to know?
S: What do you do for fun?
G: In my spare time I enjoy reading, watching old television shows from the 80s and 90s, and cooking dinner for my friends, family, and my beautiful girlfriend. I also collect 17th century Russian nesting dolls and practice several forms of lethal martial arts. Ok, those last two are made up, but didn't sound very interesting without them.
S: What do you do for work (remember the first rule of blogging about work: don't do it! Or in this case, be vague)?
G: I am a chef in training, learning my craft both in the classroom and in the workplace.
S: What are your future plans?
G: To get married, have 2.3 kids, buy a 4-bedroom home with a quarter acre of lush green grass that I'll mow every Saturday morning, and eventually grow fat and bald. Seriously? I'm really not sure yet. I want to make food and be happy, but I'm still not completely sure how that's done. I'm getting the hang of the be happy part though.
S: What's your favorite thing about Shannon?
G: Her booty. Also the way she makes me feel appreciated and compliments me.
S: Why do you love Shannon so much?
G: Her booty. Also the fact that she is herself, for better or worse (mostly better), and isn't afraid to be funny or weird.
S: On a scale of 1 to 10, how beautiful is Shannon?
G: Shannon's booty? Ok...sorry. I got on a roll. Shannon is either a 1 or a 10, depending on which is the best number.
S: Oops, that got a little Shannon-focused. Sorry. Let's try again. Why did you name your cat Oberon?
G: He was a stray, and my college roommates and I heard him meowing outside our apartment whilst drinking a bottle of Bells Oberon beer. Thank you beer for helping me name my cat. Just one of your many wonders.
S: Isn't Oberon the cutest cat in the world?
G: He's pretty darned cute, but cat people are pretty loyal, and I wouldn't want to offend any of your readers by implying that their cats aren't as cute as mine.
S: Oh please. They're not as cute, accept it people. So how happy are you that Shannon loves your cat so much?
I'm very happy. I was really hoping not to have to choose between her and Oberon, so that's nice. As stated, he's pretty cute, and he reminds me of my favorite beer, so it might have been a tough call. But then there's the booty. So, who knows?
S: Crap, why is this becoming all about Shannon (and her booty) and Oberon? Back to you. What's your favorite book?
G: Books. The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. It was a 5,000 page, 3 month part of my life, and I can still remember parts of it vividly.
S: Movie?
G: Confessions of a Shopaholic. Seriously? Who can choose. My favorite director is probably Cameron Crowe, if that says anything.
S: TV Show?
G: Either "The Office" or "30 Rock." Or maybe "Family Guy."
S: Who is your hero?
G: Spiderman. This one's not a joke...he's freakin' rad.
S: I didn't know about that last one. Um... What other oddities or quirks should we know about?
G: I have an adventurous appetite (remember the Chicago sushi incident?). [Ed. note: he won't eat a frozen tater tot though. Hello, yum.]
S: And finally, do you play basketball?
G: Yes. All tall people do. Anyone that meets me should ask me about it. But seriously, I get this question all the time, often from total strangers, seconds after they meet me by awkwardly asking me how tall I am. I get it. I'm unusually tall. But that doesn't automatically mean that I play basketball. It also doesn't mean that I play volleyball, that I'm a good pitcher, that I'm an Olympic high jumper, or that I like anything else that tall people might be better at. It just means that I'm tall. And it's not something I enjoy making small talk with strangers about. I don't saunter up to you in the frozen foods aisle at the grocery store, gawk at you, and point out your most obvious physical feature. "Hey...you're fat." Would that be considered good manners? Come on people. There, it's out of my system, I feel better.
[Ed. Note: I asked him that knowing he'd rant. He gets that all the time! I think it's hilarious, but he's pretty much over it. Which is part of what makes it so damn funny of course.]
G: I'm good. A little nervous about revealing myself to the world wide web, since I'm basically a computer moron. But overall, pretty good.
S: You are pretty funny with the computer, but it's endearing. So tell us a little about yourself.
G: I'm a Virgo who likes long walks on the beach, romantic candle lit dinners, and coffee and conversation. What do you want to know?
S: What do you do for fun?
G: In my spare time I enjoy reading, watching old television shows from the 80s and 90s, and cooking dinner for my friends, family, and my beautiful girlfriend. I also collect 17th century Russian nesting dolls and practice several forms of lethal martial arts. Ok, those last two are made up, but didn't sound very interesting without them.
S: What do you do for work (remember the first rule of blogging about work: don't do it! Or in this case, be vague)?
G: I am a chef in training, learning my craft both in the classroom and in the workplace.
S: What are your future plans?
G: To get married, have 2.3 kids, buy a 4-bedroom home with a quarter acre of lush green grass that I'll mow every Saturday morning, and eventually grow fat and bald. Seriously? I'm really not sure yet. I want to make food and be happy, but I'm still not completely sure how that's done. I'm getting the hang of the be happy part though.
S: What's your favorite thing about Shannon?
G: Her booty. Also the way she makes me feel appreciated and compliments me.
S: Why do you love Shannon so much?
G: Her booty. Also the fact that she is herself, for better or worse (mostly better), and isn't afraid to be funny or weird.
S: On a scale of 1 to 10, how beautiful is Shannon?
G: Shannon's booty? Ok...sorry. I got on a roll. Shannon is either a 1 or a 10, depending on which is the best number.
S: Oops, that got a little Shannon-focused. Sorry. Let's try again. Why did you name your cat Oberon?
G: He was a stray, and my college roommates and I heard him meowing outside our apartment whilst drinking a bottle of Bells Oberon beer. Thank you beer for helping me name my cat. Just one of your many wonders.
S: Isn't Oberon the cutest cat in the world?
G: He's pretty darned cute, but cat people are pretty loyal, and I wouldn't want to offend any of your readers by implying that their cats aren't as cute as mine.
S: Oh please. They're not as cute, accept it people. So how happy are you that Shannon loves your cat so much?
I'm very happy. I was really hoping not to have to choose between her and Oberon, so that's nice. As stated, he's pretty cute, and he reminds me of my favorite beer, so it might have been a tough call. But then there's the booty. So, who knows?
S: Crap, why is this becoming all about Shannon (and her booty) and Oberon? Back to you. What's your favorite book?
G: Books. The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. It was a 5,000 page, 3 month part of my life, and I can still remember parts of it vividly.
S: Movie?
G: Confessions of a Shopaholic. Seriously? Who can choose. My favorite director is probably Cameron Crowe, if that says anything.
S: TV Show?
G: Either "The Office" or "30 Rock." Or maybe "Family Guy."
S: Who is your hero?
G: Spiderman. This one's not a joke...he's freakin' rad.
S: I didn't know about that last one. Um... What other oddities or quirks should we know about?
G: I have an adventurous appetite (remember the Chicago sushi incident?). [Ed. note: he won't eat a frozen tater tot though. Hello, yum.]
S: And finally, do you play basketball?
G: Yes. All tall people do. Anyone that meets me should ask me about it. But seriously, I get this question all the time, often from total strangers, seconds after they meet me by awkwardly asking me how tall I am. I get it. I'm unusually tall. But that doesn't automatically mean that I play basketball. It also doesn't mean that I play volleyball, that I'm a good pitcher, that I'm an Olympic high jumper, or that I like anything else that tall people might be better at. It just means that I'm tall. And it's not something I enjoy making small talk with strangers about. I don't saunter up to you in the frozen foods aisle at the grocery store, gawk at you, and point out your most obvious physical feature. "Hey...you're fat." Would that be considered good manners? Come on people. There, it's out of my system, I feel better.
[Ed. Note: I asked him that knowing he'd rant. He gets that all the time! I think it's hilarious, but he's pretty much over it. Which is part of what makes it so damn funny of course.]
Reader Comments (8)
If this booty is so damn picturesque, why haven't we gotten to see any pictures of it? I DEMAND TO SEE PICTURES OF YOUR ASS!
Giraffe, I am a red head, although I'm not quite as much of a red head as I used to be, but I often used to get complete strangers to tell me about a crush on a girl they had when they were in second grade, or about their niece who has red hair. After they'd tell me that, they then would ask if I have a red headed temper. I know longer get approached now that my hair is getting blonder.
Haha! Loved this! Andy often gets asked the basketball question....or people will ask me. Strange people...
The Mister and G would get along swimmingly. Too bad we don't live close enough to do a play date!
I like Giraffe. I'll echo Kim - I wish you lived closer for a play date!
Another Q:
Giraffe, given your (totally justified) aversion to height comments, is it cool to be known, blog-wise, as the Giraffe?
I'm with MonsteRawr. Where are pics of this booty?!
Dori,
I'm good with the moniker, since it was given out of love. If Shan would have started calling me the Giraffe the day we met, that would have been a different story.
I would also like to take this opportunity to defend my disgust at the frozen tater tot. Tater tots are delicious when cooked because they are blanched in oil. Cold oil? Gross.