A high school poem

Here's another treasure I found in my boxes of high school 'keepsakes.' It's a poem I wrote, dated 10-5-1995. I was two months shy of 15 then, a freshman. Let me preface this by saying that I never wrote poetry, so it's not like I thought this was any good even then. But I did struggle with some minor depression issues (though I didn't know that's what it was), and I was clearly feeling lonely and empty and unloved when I wrote it.

I am no longer lonely, empty or feeling unloved, so we can all have a good laugh at my terrible, awful, horrible attempt at poetry. I mean rhyming? Really?

To Anyone Who Cares:

I hate being hated,
but I love being loved!
Yet my feelings always seem to
be pushed, tugged and shoved!

I want to be wanted,
and I need to be needed!
But my heart always seems to
be pulled at and weeded!

I wish to be wished for,
I hope to be hoped!
Yet I keep hearing things like,
'no way' and 'nope!'

If had a choice,
of what I could be,
I know that I wouldn't,
I wouldn't choose me.

-Shannon [Last Name]-
10-5-95

My heart is being weeded? What exactly does that mean? Oh it rhymes with needed, I get it. And what's with all the exclamation points? Am I yelling this poem?

That last stanza makes me a little sad for my 14-year old self because I so remember wishing I could be anybody but who I was. Since then, however, I've learned how lucky I am to be me, and I've learned to own who I am. Thank god, because nobody wants me writing such ridiculous poetry anymore. Can I get a wha wha?

Comments

[Robin]

I love you and this was hilarious. :)

My favorite parte is totally, "But my heart always seems to be pulled at and weeded!" Ha.

[Anna]

Didn't keep a garden when you were younger--because weeding your heart would give the good things room to grow and thrive. Maybe you were smarter than you looked.

[Stacy]

Not gonna lie...but I kinda like it! :) Totally more poetic than half of the pop-culture songs currently played on the radio...I hope this poem is copyrited :)

[Stacy]

...seriously..i need to ween myself off of smiley faces.

[CharmCityKim]

I was reading your poem as though you were shouting enthusiastically if that makes you feel any better. :-)

I found an old journal from middle school in my childhood closet last year. My husband went through it and we laughed at the stupid crap I wrote but then he came across an entry where I wrote something along the lines of, "I'm so ugly. I hate myself." My heart broke for my awkward 13-year old self.

[Angela]

That sounds like a poem I would have wrote. I used to not like myself. Now I really do like the person I have become. I feel sad for all those girls who are like my preteen/young teen self, because they don't know the potential they have within. It's funny how the things that set us apart when we were younger are the very things we learn to love when we get older. Or at least that's what it was like for me.

[A.]

Being a teenager is so hard. I think lots of girls, myself included, go through what you were going through. I had plenty of poems and journal entries just like that. And it had to drive our parents crazy.

If you're interested, I read The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine a while back, and it really explains why teenage girls go through what they go through - it's most all chemical. It really helped me understand why I was the way I was back then, and I think if I were ever to have a daughter, I would reread the book because maybe I'll remember to be very understanding at that time in her life.

Here's some of my posts about the book: http://bookishbent.blogspot.com/search/label/brain

[doahleigh - Holy Waste of Teab]

[...] inside jokes going on, but I think my rhyming skills had improved since I was 14 and wrote about my weeded heart. But again with the excessive exclamation points everywhere. [...]