Friday
Feb062009
I'm such a dipstick
Friday, February 6, 2009 at 07:31AM
What is it about getting an oil change that turns me into a stuttering idiot? I have always hated getting my oil changed, and I gladly pawn off the responsibility on others, usually who ever I'm dating at the time. But earlier this week I realized it was that time again, and so I put it off for a few days and then used a lunch break to do the deed and get it over with.
The first folly is that I couldn't figure out where to go. I wanted a place that used Quaker State oil, but it took a few Google Maps searches to figure out where that might be. Then I couldn't find the damn place and drove ten minutes out of my way, wasting precious lunch break time.
I promised myself I'd be cool when I pulled in, but as soon as my car passed through the giant garage door, I melted into an insecure 12 year old. I turned off my engine, only for one of the guys to immediately ask me to turn it back on. When he told me to turn on my brights, I couldn't remember how. Then I turned the left blinker on when he said right.
When I finally was asked to turn my car off, I couldn't decide if I should put it in first gear or leave it in neutral. And even though I decided on first gear, I realized five minutes later that I still had my foot on the brake. I also fumbled with the seatbelt - leave it on, take it off? All this while stuttering over my words as the guy asked me if I wanted to flush my something or other. I went with no - I always say no because I don't know how much "yes" is going to cost me.
Then he asked what kind of oil I wanted. Oh fucking hell, I don't know. Please don't ask me that, please just make an educated guess because really, I won't know the difference. Then they all finally left me alone while they went to the task of changing my oil and checking my air filter and cleaning my windshield. I took the moment to breathe and collect myself.
Shannon, you are not an idiot. This is just a routine oil change, you're not being asked to perform the Nutcracker on a world stage. Just chill the eff out. If you act like you know what you're doing, they won't treat you like an moron. Or you know what, go ahead and admit you don't know anything, just stop sweating and fidgeting and stammering over your damn words. It's just an oil change!
Just as I'm talking myself down a little, one of the guys (whose shirt told me his name was Vince) turned to me from where he stood at the computer and said, "Hey do you know Brad [Brad's last name]?"
Are you kidding me? What the hell?
"Um yeah..."
"Is that your husband? Boyfriend?"
"Um, ex-boyfriend... Why?"
At this point I don't know why he's asking, but somehow the "ex" seemed necessary, just in case. But when I found out he was only asking because my car was already registered in the system since Brad had brought it there once before, the "ex-boyfriend" thing felt like a major overshare. Especially when Vince started apologizing, like he was dredging up painful memories or something. Then I got all explanatory, like oh no, it's fine, really, I just didn't realize he had brought it here before. It's not a bad thing, don't worry. As if Vince cared even a little.
Then this other dweeby-looking guy asked if I wanted my door hinges sprayed, and when he walked over to the passenger side and found the door locked, it took me a couple tries to remember how to unlock the doors. For which I kept apologizing. Like an idiot.
Finally Vince (who actually was very kind and even tried to flirt with me, but I was too sweaty and fumbling to make it worth his effort) walked over with the dipstick to show me my oil level. Now, what exactly are you supposed to do when they do this? I'm sure a simple nod would suffice, but I always feel pressured to really give it a good look and follow it up with encouraging affirmation. You know how some people go to a fancy restaurant and order wine, and then they try to act like they know what they're doing when they sniff it and swirl and it inspect it? And they look like a moron because it's clear they don't even know what they're looking for? That's me. Except with a dipstick instead of a glass of wine. And in a dirty garage instead of a fancy restaurant.
After the overkill dipstick inspection, the dweeby-looking guy took my payment and brought me a clipboard with something to sign. And guess what. The pen didn't work. I felt like the whole world was watching me as I tried to get the damn ink to come out. I kept laughing uncomfortably and making remarks about how the pen hates me, all to the sounds of silence and a complete lack of amusement on the part of dweeby guy.
I could not have been happier when he opened the giant garage door to let me leave. I even managed to remember how to operate my manual transmission. And I didn't even stall or hit anything. I did wave awkwardly on my way out, but whatever, it's over now for six more months.
Let's hope I have a boyfriend by then so I can pawn this off to him. I should not be allowed at any more quick lubes.
The first folly is that I couldn't figure out where to go. I wanted a place that used Quaker State oil, but it took a few Google Maps searches to figure out where that might be. Then I couldn't find the damn place and drove ten minutes out of my way, wasting precious lunch break time.
I promised myself I'd be cool when I pulled in, but as soon as my car passed through the giant garage door, I melted into an insecure 12 year old. I turned off my engine, only for one of the guys to immediately ask me to turn it back on. When he told me to turn on my brights, I couldn't remember how. Then I turned the left blinker on when he said right.
When I finally was asked to turn my car off, I couldn't decide if I should put it in first gear or leave it in neutral. And even though I decided on first gear, I realized five minutes later that I still had my foot on the brake. I also fumbled with the seatbelt - leave it on, take it off? All this while stuttering over my words as the guy asked me if I wanted to flush my something or other. I went with no - I always say no because I don't know how much "yes" is going to cost me.
Then he asked what kind of oil I wanted. Oh fucking hell, I don't know. Please don't ask me that, please just make an educated guess because really, I won't know the difference. Then they all finally left me alone while they went to the task of changing my oil and checking my air filter and cleaning my windshield. I took the moment to breathe and collect myself.
Shannon, you are not an idiot. This is just a routine oil change, you're not being asked to perform the Nutcracker on a world stage. Just chill the eff out. If you act like you know what you're doing, they won't treat you like an moron. Or you know what, go ahead and admit you don't know anything, just stop sweating and fidgeting and stammering over your damn words. It's just an oil change!
Just as I'm talking myself down a little, one of the guys (whose shirt told me his name was Vince) turned to me from where he stood at the computer and said, "Hey do you know Brad [Brad's last name]?"
Are you kidding me? What the hell?
"Um yeah..."
"Is that your husband? Boyfriend?"
"Um, ex-boyfriend... Why?"
At this point I don't know why he's asking, but somehow the "ex" seemed necessary, just in case. But when I found out he was only asking because my car was already registered in the system since Brad had brought it there once before, the "ex-boyfriend" thing felt like a major overshare. Especially when Vince started apologizing, like he was dredging up painful memories or something. Then I got all explanatory, like oh no, it's fine, really, I just didn't realize he had brought it here before. It's not a bad thing, don't worry. As if Vince cared even a little.
Then this other dweeby-looking guy asked if I wanted my door hinges sprayed, and when he walked over to the passenger side and found the door locked, it took me a couple tries to remember how to unlock the doors. For which I kept apologizing. Like an idiot.
Finally Vince (who actually was very kind and even tried to flirt with me, but I was too sweaty and fumbling to make it worth his effort) walked over with the dipstick to show me my oil level. Now, what exactly are you supposed to do when they do this? I'm sure a simple nod would suffice, but I always feel pressured to really give it a good look and follow it up with encouraging affirmation. You know how some people go to a fancy restaurant and order wine, and then they try to act like they know what they're doing when they sniff it and swirl and it inspect it? And they look like a moron because it's clear they don't even know what they're looking for? That's me. Except with a dipstick instead of a glass of wine. And in a dirty garage instead of a fancy restaurant.
After the overkill dipstick inspection, the dweeby-looking guy took my payment and brought me a clipboard with something to sign. And guess what. The pen didn't work. I felt like the whole world was watching me as I tried to get the damn ink to come out. I kept laughing uncomfortably and making remarks about how the pen hates me, all to the sounds of silence and a complete lack of amusement on the part of dweeby guy.
I could not have been happier when he opened the giant garage door to let me leave. I even managed to remember how to operate my manual transmission. And I didn't even stall or hit anything. I did wave awkwardly on my way out, but whatever, it's over now for six more months.
Let's hope I have a boyfriend by then so I can pawn this off to him. I should not be allowed at any more quick lubes.
Reader Comments (13)
Sounds like a pretty routine oil change to me! hahaha. I too, get flustered each time I go.
FYI when they show you your dipstick it's for two reasons. 1. to make sure the oil is at the correct level (there's a line) and 2. to show you it's new oil (yellowish) rather than old (black).
Melissa - I think I kind of knew why they showed you dipstick. I just get all weird about how to react. I want them to know I know what I'm looking for, and that yes, they did a good job. I'm just all awkwardness the whole time, I'm ridiculous.
I totally feel the same way. Plus, they always ask all those questions about things that cost a lot of money, and then tell me how I'm going to get stranded alongside the road if I don't let them do the $250 change of something or another. I used to go to the Penzoil in Standale because they never asked me anything strange, and were always really helpful. Maybe its worth the drive to still go out there..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't even drive into the place onto the metal wheel things! I always think I'll miss and drive my car into the well and be trapped at the place. Although, I may have to do just that later this month because it's so cold out.
If I did have to drive in there, I'd be a mess too with trying to get my kid out of the car and not fall into the well. And trust me, I could be the only person on the planet who falls into the well. lol
In case you don't have a boyfriend by then, you should take it to my father-in-laws. He owns a place on Division near 60th, called Van Larrs. They are super nice, and they won't ask you to do hard things like turning on brights and stuff, they just hop in your car and check it themselves. They don't wash your windshield though, but if you bring donuts and tell them you know me they might give you a discount. When I lived in MP, i had to get my oil changed and I felt the same way, and got all flustered.
Maybe this is why I don't drive!
Feel your pain, Shan. I don't do oil changes-ever. I've gladly handed that task over to Andy. I feel like he ought to know more about what they're asking to replace and if the price is reasonable.
Rivertown Honda does oil changes for 14.95 .... you just pull up to the garage door and they take it from there. It's often a little busy there, so you might have to wait a bit. But no embarrassing questions... :)
duuuuuuuude, i put off oil changes even to the detriment of my car, because i hate the experience SO MUCH. seriously.
i hear you, and this is just one more post that proves our parallel connection.
i broke off the thing that turns on the windshield wipers and works the blinkers and so i hate taking it in for routine things like that. the guys always look at me like, ok why isn't this fixed and how did she ghetto rig this to get this to work?.. pretty damn creative i'll tell you that. but still, they look at you like you have no idea what you're doing with a car
Holy moly! I had no idea others went through all this for an oil change! I take mine to the dealership and just drive into the garage area (nothing specific to drive up onto), hand the guy the keys, sign that I want an oil change and go look at shiny new cars or watch Oprah 'til someone brings me my keys and I go pay. They even wash it! And they've never brought me anything to inspect! Phew! I think if I had to put on some fancy show of flipping on bright lights and door opening and pretending to understand dipsticks and oil filtration, I'd be biking.
Yeah, I think I've gone once on my own - must've been feeling brave that day many years ago - and I got totally freaked out by the hole in the ground. I imagine I'm going to crank the wheel the wrong way and end up with my car in the hole.
Now, fortunately I can have the hubby do it at home or bring it in himself.
But more power to you for doing it yourself!
Wow. Ladies (I'm assuming most of you are female?), my name is Kathy Hubbell, I'm writing in from the Portland metro area in Oregon, and I wondered if I could chime in here. I might be able to help. I'm a public relations consultant and trainer -and for the past 25 years, I've handled the advertising and publicity for a little two-shop quick lube outfit in another area of Oregon. I'm not promoting them, so I won't give you the names or the cities. They were my first "big" client when I started my career, and I'm very proud to still be working for them 25 years later. So as you might imagine, I've learned a lot about quick lubes. Here are some tips:
1. If ANY quick lube technician ever treats you in a condescending manner, complain to the management immediately and leave the shop immediately. The front-line people in any business are just doing as they are told; hold the management accountable. There is usually someone on site.
2. Ask all the questions you can think of - if they can't or won't answer them, leave the shop. You should ask how often your transmission fluid needs to be flushed (not often; it's probably in your car's manual, which I'll bet is in your glove box); ask exactly what fluids they check in the car besides the oil. They should be checking transmission fluid, brake fluid (a lack thereof could cause no brakes), power steering fluid, gear boxes and washer fluid. Make yourself a checklist if you have to, but ASK them if these things are included. They also check hoses and belts; ask them. They can actually save you an accident on theroad if there's a belt that wearing quite thin and might snap; you and anyone else who drives your car might not have been aware of it. They should also be checking filters. Again, if they treat you condescendingly or can't or won't answer your questions, leave the shop.
3. You are not in any way foolish or stupid or uneducated for asking questions. Cars today are a LOT more complex than they were 30 or 40 or 50 years ago. They run on computer systems now; everything is more complicated and, in some designs, harder to reach under the hood. A lot of guys I know no longer work on their own cars, either, for exactly these reasons.
4. If they try to "upsell" you, i.e., if they try to sell you more expensive things and just more things in general, and you feel pressured by it, leave the shop! You may have gone in for a simple oil change costing somewhere between $31.95 and $35.95, depending on where you are in the country. If you find yourself driving out of that shop with $200 more of stuff you weren't at all convinced you needed, complain to the management and never go back to that shop again.
5. ASK before the techs start work what the system is for the guys in the lube bay, where you are sitting with your car, to communicate with the guys in the pit, who are the ones unscrewing your oil filter, replacing it with a new one, and checking everything under the car. They should have some kind of a system where they guys in the bay call out a checkpoint list to the guys underneath; so that "oil filter!" is answered with something like "off!" and so forth - so they know exactly when the old oil filter has been removed, have another set of commands for when the new oil filter is put on and it's safe to fill the car back up again with oil. ASK about how they know when the job is done correctly. TELL them you've heard horror stories about new filters not being screwed on correctly, causing a steady loss of dripping oil, or about the oil not even being replaced in the car, causing an engine to blow up a block later. Why? Because when you tell them you've heard horror stories and are concerned, and want to know how THEY know it's all been done well, you're reminding them in a very tactful way about lawsuits. Hold their feet to the fire, gently. They'll get the message.
6. NO ONE should have asked you about the name on your computer record in such a personal manner. Short of slugging the person, you should have told him it was none of his business, but that you would like it to now be covered under your own name.
7. ASK how long the lube techs have been working there. If it's under 18 months (the normal rate of turnover) consider going to another shop. At the shops I work with, the guys have been there between 5 and 28 years, for the most part; they know their customers, they know the cars. No, I'm not "selling" them to you - notice I haven't mentioned the name of these shops or their locations. The point is that the training and experience the lube techs get makes a big, big difference.
8. Don't wait so long to get your oil changes done; it's not good for the life of your car or for your mileage, and these days - I don't know about all of you - but buying a new car is certainly not in the cards for me. I want to make my 2003 Toyota last as long as it possibly can. It'll be a while before I shake loose with any car-buying dollars.
9. Finally, go over your receipt - that's the part you sign at the end - with the technician before you leave the shop. If you don't understand any item on it whatsoever, ask.
10. Ask how many cars they're pushing through a day; ask how many cars they do in an average day. If it's 100 or over in a two-bay shop, please be skeptical about the job being done. Consider that you have to have about 2-3 technicians per car; usually two in the lube bay, one down in the pit. Most oil changes where people get out of their cars take 20 minutes; when people stay in their cars, it can be done in 10-15 minutes. So let's take ten minutes, multiply that by 100, that's of course 1,000 minutes. Divide by 60 minutes in an hour, that's 16-2/3rds hours - or just over 8 hours per lube bay. That's why 100 cars tends to be a breaking point. Very few shops do that many cars in a day, I think. But if you're told over 100 cars a day, either the guy is lying, or you should be skeptical about how complete a job they're doing on any given car. That math doesn't take into account additional jobs someone might order like a transmission flush, which can take an hour.
So - bottom line - don't be afraid to ask anything, stand up for your rights, and hold any quick lube you patronize accountable. Most of all, don't sit there and put up with a condescending attitute, ignorant or rude behavior, or upselling. None of that is necessary to get good service for your car.
Hope that helps.