Thursday
Feb122009
More thoughts on adoption
Thursday, February 12, 2009 at 05:11AM
Adoption isn't a new topic around here, so yesterday's post wasn't some big revelation for me or anything. As long as I can remember I've wanted to adopt children, long before it was ever even realistic for me to be a mother. When I was younger, everyone told me I might eventually change my mind. I'm sure they expected that natural instict to kick in someday - the one that many women have in which they want to have babies, babies, babies. And maybe that will still happen. I'm only 28, so I have a lot of years yet for my uterus to change its mind.
But even after 15+ years of thinking adoption was the way to go, even after learning a lot about it and how it works and what it means for a family, I still believe that's how I want to have children.
There were some questions and thoughts from yesterday that I want to reply to:
I've always thought I would be most interested in international adoption. Not because the children overseas are in more need than those in the US, but because I think there are parents better suited to deal with the unique circumstances that domestic adoptions present than I am. Domestic adoptions often include a lot more involvement from the birth mother, and I'm not sure that I could appropriately prepare my heart and mind for that kind of relationship. There are many who can, and I sing their praises!
That's not to say I would not consider a domestic adoption. I think when I am ready to be a mother, I will be presented with a lot of options that I'll need to weigh and consider.
While I love the smell and smoothness of a newborn as much as anyone else, I don't feel really strongly that I need to adopt a child at the very beginning of its life. I know the process takes time, and internationally adopted children are often out of the newborn stage before the adoption process is complete. I'm okay with that. I might also consider older children as well. Again, this presents unique challenges that I think others may be better suited to handle, but those kids need a loving home as much as the babies. This is another option I will have to consider when this abstract idea of adoption becomes real in my life.
One thing that many of the commenters said was that they would love to adopt along with having their own biological children. I find that thrilling! I didn't realize so many of you had even thought about it. I think that's a beautiful way to create a family.
I, however, still don't have that desire to be pregnant or birth my own children. I keep thinking maybe someday it will kick in, but I've been menstruating for 16 years now, and still nothing. But who knows, I've got a lot of ripe years left. Maybe I'll end up being the next Angelina Jolie.
But even after 15+ years of thinking adoption was the way to go, even after learning a lot about it and how it works and what it means for a family, I still believe that's how I want to have children.
There were some questions and thoughts from yesterday that I want to reply to:
I've always thought I would be most interested in international adoption. Not because the children overseas are in more need than those in the US, but because I think there are parents better suited to deal with the unique circumstances that domestic adoptions present than I am. Domestic adoptions often include a lot more involvement from the birth mother, and I'm not sure that I could appropriately prepare my heart and mind for that kind of relationship. There are many who can, and I sing their praises!
That's not to say I would not consider a domestic adoption. I think when I am ready to be a mother, I will be presented with a lot of options that I'll need to weigh and consider.
While I love the smell and smoothness of a newborn as much as anyone else, I don't feel really strongly that I need to adopt a child at the very beginning of its life. I know the process takes time, and internationally adopted children are often out of the newborn stage before the adoption process is complete. I'm okay with that. I might also consider older children as well. Again, this presents unique challenges that I think others may be better suited to handle, but those kids need a loving home as much as the babies. This is another option I will have to consider when this abstract idea of adoption becomes real in my life.
One thing that many of the commenters said was that they would love to adopt along with having their own biological children. I find that thrilling! I didn't realize so many of you had even thought about it. I think that's a beautiful way to create a family.
I, however, still don't have that desire to be pregnant or birth my own children. I keep thinking maybe someday it will kick in, but I've been menstruating for 16 years now, and still nothing. But who knows, I've got a lot of ripe years left. Maybe I'll end up being the next Angelina Jolie.
in Family, My anatomy, Women
Family, My anatomy, Women
Reader Comments (5)
From growing a little one myself, let me be the first to tell you that I highly doubt any woman is actually ready for everything that comes along with being preggo. No matter how ready you think you are, how prepared, planned, etc., being preggo/birthing a child always seems to throw you unexpected curveballs (as does life, most days!). That being said, I love reading about your openness to adopt :) I think you'll make a great mom someday!
*Wow...I feel really random today!
I don't think I'd ever be fully prepared to be pregnant and give birth, even if I do become pregnant someday. I just meant that I don't have the desire or the urge or the craving or the inclination to be pregnant or have my own children. People talk about wanting to see themselves in their children's faces and stuff, but I don't feel a need for that.
Not every woman has those desires, but when I hear women talk about it who do, I just can't relate. Which is fine by mean - it just means I should adopt! :)
What was the blog you came across that made you blog about this yesterday? I have a blog on my website called Meet the Dedels and she shares her story of international adoption. Enjoy!
I think it's great that you want to adopt. And I think it's better that you're open to adopting a child and not just a baby. There are so many children out there that probably get looked over.
Some people aren't into the whole carry a baby and then birth it thing.
Shannon,
You'll make a fantastic mom for any kid of any age or nationality. You're awesome.
My mom has tried for years to get my dad to agree to adopting kids or running a foster home, especially since my sister and I moved away. She's actually very good friends with a couple who run a foster home for troubled kids.
Adoption is definitely something I would consider as well, depending on how the woman I'm with feels about it. It's probably something I'd do after my own kids are more self-sufficient (late middle school?). We'll see how it goes. Life is a winding road, and you can never see too far ahead.