Broken
Thursday, July 24, 2008 at 06:58AM Not long before I started dating Brad I had another pretty serious relationship. We were together almost three years. Things kind of fell apart for us in the second half of those years, and by the end, I was no longer in love with him. But he still loved me, and he still wanted to be with me. Even though I wasn’t in love with him anymore, I still cared for him a lot, and I felt very responsible for his feelings. The day I broke up with him, I watched him cry and held back the urge to take it all back and spare him that hurt. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do—hurt someone I cared about, someone who still loved me.
This is harder. Breaking up with someone I’m still in love with is so much harder. He’s the one who actually said the words, but I had to help push him there. Things were no longer what they should be, but I still loved him and I thought we were going to give this new arrangement a fair chance. He thought we had. He thought we had given us enough chances.
Maybe it’s the right thing to do. It better be because it’s done. But it hurts to know it has to be over when I still love him and want things to work out. It hurts more than I ever imagined it would. It hurt to break up with someone who still loved me, but it hurts so much more to break up with someone I still love.
For the first time, my heart is broken.
Reader Comments (20)
Oh God. I almost teared up just reading this. I'm so sorry. I don't think I've had such an experience, but I have had to let go of someone who had stopped loving me, and that was simply excruciating. Let me know if there's anything I can do, or say, or any dramatic songs I can quote for you. I'm pretty good at doing that in rough times. And y'know, if you need to get away, DSM will always welcome you.
Hugs hugs and more hugs. I'm so, so sorry.
I'm really sorry, Shan. That totally sucks!
It hurts terribly to have a broken heart. Try to take things one day at a time. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everything works out for the best. Whichever amazing man you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, he will make his way into your world when the timing is right. I know there is an amazing man out there for you. Hugs! And, if you need to talk, I'm here. I understand what you're going through.
lots of love to you.
I'm so sorry for you.
oh honey .. i know .. sending you a warm hug, understanding and love ... i am so sorry ... hugs, xo
I'm so sorry! Having your heart broken is so devastating. Sending positive thoughts your way!
Hugs for you, my dear. ((((((((((((((((((Doahleigh))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry Shan. My lack of words doesn't portray my feelings. I really and truly am sorry for your broken heart. I'd give you a big hug if I could.
I do wish I could give some kind of advice or "make it all better" or whatever. But I can't, and you don't need me to anyway, so I'll just stick with a virtual hug.
Lots of virtual hugs.
But do remember that you are lovable, worthy of being loved, and the value of the love you give is priceless. Even if someone rejects that love, it is in NO WAY diminished in value.
And have an extra virtual hug.
Wow, like everyone else, I am so sorry to hear this, and also have no magic words to reduce the suckiness. All I can say is that it is *so* brave and smart to separate with dignity and intention and respect for each other and for your relationship. I've seen so many unhappy couples stay together out of inertia, and break up after much unhappiness and contempt has destroyed their connection, and it's great that you and Brad have avoided all that entirely.
Hang in there. Virtual hugs from these parts as well.
I'm so sorry Shan! Keep your head up. I love you!
:-( Im sorry.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
{{{Shannon}}}
That's so awful and I'm so so sorry for you.
I agree with all the others. Breaking up SUCKS but you have automatically taken a huge step forward by treating the situation and each other with dignity and respect, instead of holding onto something that isn't working. It won't make it hurt less, but you did the smart thing. Many many virtual hugs sent your way and I hope the heartache eases soon.
The only thing I can offer is that one day something very positive might come out of this pain. Have you thought about turning this blog into a book? I know Stephanie Klein wrote a memoir about going through divorce after blogging about it at www.stephanieklein.com.
Oh, Shannon. So sorry.
I'm very sorry. I hope you're doing okay.
So sorry to hear that! You are in my thoughts.
Sadly... I know exactly what you're feeling. It's been 3 months and I'm still heart broken.
Hopefully for us.. it will get better soon.
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