The best of the worst
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 at 10:56AM Yesterday I had my annual lady parts appointment. I dread these appointments even more than the average woman. I’m not sure why, but I have anxiety for weeks beforehand. This time, however, I actually felt quite calm. I think I must be growing up and am better able to hold my shit together or something. I was by no means looking forward to it, but I wasn’t the mess that I usually am.
Everything about the appointment is fine by me except for the brief period when the speculum is required. If you don’t know what a speculum is, consider yourself lucky. If you do, then you know what I’m talking about when I say… awkward! And for me, very uncomfortable.
So yesterday I told the PA that she should have everything she needed within arm’s reach. At my last appointment the PA (a different one) was rolling all over the room reaching for tools while that contraption was hanging out in my nether region. Not acceptable. And boy did this PA abide by my request! It was the quickest and least uncomfortable pap I’ve ever had. When she was done (after literally about 5 seconds) I said, "Wow, I want you to do all my pap smears!" I’m sure that’s a huge compliment for a doctor.
When the whole exam was over she let me know that I was due for a tetanus shot. Actually two years overdue. She said I either had to do it that day or promise to make an appointment right away. I’m terrified of needles, and a couple years ago I probably would have promised to make the appointment and then ‘accidently’ forgotten. But like I said, I must be growing up because what I said instead was, "If you can do it right now and not make me sit here for 15 minutes and freak out, I’ll do it today."
Within minutes there was a nurse with a syringe in the room. While the PA talked to me about my birth control, the nurse swabbed my arm with alcohol.
Holy crap, you’re just going right for it aren’t you?
I’m a really good shot giver, don’t worry. A little poke…
And just like that it was done. Easiest and most painless shot I’ve ever gotten. "I want you to give me all my shots!" I proclaimed. I’m pretty sure that’s a huge compliment for a nurse.
I guess if I absolutely must have a speculum in my vagina or a needle in my arm, these are the ladies I want putting them there. Yeah, I said it.
My anatomy, Women
Reader Comments (9)
I get anxious too. Light-headed and sweaty palms to be exact. Same with waxing. Bleh.
hehe... :) This made me giggle.
I hate giving blood. When I was in the hospital the other day, I had the cutest paramdeic and I threw up all over the floor in fron of him. And i was in my pajamas. So embarrassing!
glad it went as well as possible!!! i actually don't mind the lady doctor. i like mine a LOT, and i know that i'll not need needles 99.9 percent of the time when i'm there--needles and I don't get along.
I just had the same exam and it went well also. The NP actually did an inventory of the supplies before I changed into the "gown," found that there was some contraption missing, and firmly reprimanded the person who had set up the room. She told me she always checks the set-up before the patient gets undressed to prevent the very situation Shannon described. Awesome.
The lady parts exams are always hit or miss. Last year mine was fine. This year it was close to torture. I agree--get your shit together before you start messing with my shit. It seems like a reasonable request.
I just have to say, as a nurse, that your compliment WAS and IS the biggest compliment you can give!
Yeah, my ladybits are way overdue on their annual checking. I have every excuse.
Oh but, for what it's worth, all of my doctors have always made use of the pediatric speculum. I'm pretty sure I'd split in 2 if they gave me an adult one. Yowza.
I hear you. I get nervous for weeks beforehand too. About any doctor-related things. And I'm totally overdue for tetanus, too.