Sunday
Nov022008
Itsy Bitsy
Sunday, November 2, 2008 at 10:18AM
Here's one thing I miss about having a boyfriend: having a bug-killer around. I've been fine with taking over most of the things Brad used to do. Like getting my oil changed, taking the trash out, cleaning the toilet. But I miss having someone to rescue me from the bugs. I do not do well with insects and spiders. In fact, I'm a downright crybaby when it comes to the creepy crawlies.
My biggest bug battle right now is the spider who has taken up residence outside my garage door. One day I noticed a small web gracing one corner of the door frame. I didn't pay it much attention until later when I noticed it had grown and now held a smattering of insect carcasses - a spider's dinner. When my sister Emily was down visiting last month, she bravely (well not bravely really since she's not a wimp like me and isn't bothered much by this stuff) pulled the web down with her bare hands.
Well, by the next morning the resilient spider had not only rebuilt its web, but it built ANOTHER web too just to piss me off. So for the last few weeks I have had to walk beneath two giant spider webs every day to get to and from my car. One morning the damn spider was dangling, yes dangling!, from the web right where I needed to walk. I ducked, squealed and ran beneath it as fast as I could.
All I really want is for someone to kill the spider (or transport it if they're the humane type) and remove the webs. But Robin's just as frightened as me, Emily lives two hours away, my other sisters are no fans of spiders either, and my dad and brother both live too far to make a trip just to save me from a little (HUGE!) spider. I asked Robin's boyfriend to help me out, but he lives out of town and is only here a couple times a month. Last time he left before we got around to Project: Spider Removal, so the the nasty bastard remains outside my garage.
This is when I really miss having a boyfriend. I know not all boys are fearless spider-killers, but most of them would be willing to help me out if I explained how not cool I am with the whole spider thing. I know Brad, at least, would have been out there long ago taking care of this matter for me. I should probably just buck up, grab some bug spray and a broom and get rid of this problem myself, but it's one thing I haven't been able to bring myself to do. Getting my own oil changed? Fine. Wrangling scary spiders? Just can't do it.
Robin suggested I start dating and hook a guy at least long enough to come over and kill Mr. Spider. I'm thinking it's not a bad idea. Do spiders die in the winter though? Maybe I can survive until the weather does the deed for me.
Okay no fucking joke you guys. As I'm writing this, a little spider just crawled down the windowsill near my desk. I'm not really sure what to do, so I'm going to stop writing and run away.
My biggest bug battle right now is the spider who has taken up residence outside my garage door. One day I noticed a small web gracing one corner of the door frame. I didn't pay it much attention until later when I noticed it had grown and now held a smattering of insect carcasses - a spider's dinner. When my sister Emily was down visiting last month, she bravely (well not bravely really since she's not a wimp like me and isn't bothered much by this stuff) pulled the web down with her bare hands.Well, by the next morning the resilient spider had not only rebuilt its web, but it built ANOTHER web too just to piss me off. So for the last few weeks I have had to walk beneath two giant spider webs every day to get to and from my car. One morning the damn spider was dangling, yes dangling!, from the web right where I needed to walk. I ducked, squealed and ran beneath it as fast as I could.
All I really want is for someone to kill the spider (or transport it if they're the humane type) and remove the webs. But Robin's just as frightened as me, Emily lives two hours away, my other sisters are no fans of spiders either, and my dad and brother both live too far to make a trip just to save me from a little (HUGE!) spider. I asked Robin's boyfriend to help me out, but he lives out of town and is only here a couple times a month. Last time he left before we got around to Project: Spider Removal, so the the nasty bastard remains outside my garage.
This is when I really miss having a boyfriend. I know not all boys are fearless spider-killers, but most of them would be willing to help me out if I explained how not cool I am with the whole spider thing. I know Brad, at least, would have been out there long ago taking care of this matter for me. I should probably just buck up, grab some bug spray and a broom and get rid of this problem myself, but it's one thing I haven't been able to bring myself to do. Getting my own oil changed? Fine. Wrangling scary spiders? Just can't do it.Robin suggested I start dating and hook a guy at least long enough to come over and kill Mr. Spider. I'm thinking it's not a bad idea. Do spiders die in the winter though? Maybe I can survive until the weather does the deed for me.
Okay no fucking joke you guys. As I'm writing this, a little spider just crawled down the windowsill near my desk. I'm not really sure what to do, so I'm going to stop writing and run away.
Reader Comments (6)
I absolutely HATE bugs!!! Especially spiders. So i know exactly what you're talking about!! My first apartment I lived in by myself was a renovated basement with a private entrance. It was the only thing i could afford at the time. The foundation must not have been very good because I always had milipeeds crawling around on the walls!!! Worst aparment ever!!
There is no one that has a bigger bug fear than me, for serious. Here's my trick:
Obtain a Swiffer.
This provides a flat, large surface with which to whack said bug. THey can't escape through it, like the tread on a shoe. You also don't have to get any closer than the length of the Swiffer, which is about three feet.
Then, you don't even have to touch the carnage: the little rag on the end you can pinch on one end, thus obscuring the guts, and toss in trash.
I still do this while screaming, and only when I absolutely have to (like Wm's out of town.)
Good luck!!! I don't envy your position.
Ugh, I HATE spiders. :( I think the Swiffer idea might be a good one, though!
ugh!! i hear you though i did learn to deal with my spiders during that period of being alone ~ and now ~ i have totally reverted back to being the girlfriend/wife who screams and jumps on the chair, uh huh ...
I'm all for smushing the little bastards.
Use bug spray and kill it. At least it will be dead.