The Depression Diet
Friday, October 24, 2008 at 03:28PM When I moved back to GR last year, for some reason I put on weight. About twenty pounds of weight actually. One day this past spring I was shopping some serious discounts and found four pairs of dress pants for four bucks each. But I had to buy them all in a size larger than I had worn since the infamous freshman fifteen. I was actually okay with that, I don’t have serious body issues. But I did try a few times to eat better or exercise more, hoping to eventually get back down to a weight I was more comfortable with. All attempts failed.
Enter the heartbreaking end to a three and a half year relationship in July. Turns out depression is the key to weight loss. For about a month I ate little more than frozen blueberries and hot tea. For a month after that I could still only eat about a third of what I had eaten daily before the breakup. In two months I lost twenty pounds. I was back down to what I weighed before moving back here.
I thought my September cruise would be the end of it. I ate a lot that week and assumed my stomach would stretch back out and I’d get my appetite back, along with a few pounds. But it’s now nearing the end of October and I haven’t gained any of it back. My appetite has returned, though I’ve noticed that I still eat less than I did before.
Lest you think I am at all advocating for this kind of weight loss plan, believe me, I am not. Though I will probably make an effort from now on to eat less and better than I did previously, I know that my dramatic drop in pounds was not healthy. And most likely I will start to gain some of it back unless I make a serious attempt to keep it off. With winter coming, I don’t see that happening.
It’s kind of humorous though. The other day I put on a pair of dress pants that I used to wear all the time. I buttoned and zipped them up, and then just laughed. They were huge! I could literally pull them off, fully fastened, over my hips. And I’ve got some hefty hips even when I do lose weight. So now, because I refuse to go shopping, I have to wear everything with belts. I look sort of ridiculous because the pants are cinched around the waist but clearly too big in the thighs and booty. I’m a fashion disaster right now. Oh and those "size big" clearance pants I bought last spring? I hadn’t worn them yet because they are kind of thick and more of a wintery material, and now I can’t even make use of them
The other thing that amuses me is that I don’t think you can even really tell (other than the baggy clothes). When I wear clothes that fit (like jeans I haven’t been able to wear in over a year!), nobody says, Dang girl! You lost weight! If you’ve been reading for awhile, you’ll recall that I kind of hate when people comment on my weight, so I don’t mind the lack of attention. But in the past, when I would lose even five pounds (to be quickly gained back later that week), people would notice and comment. Now I’ve lost twenty and probably only four people have said anything. This could be because they know I dislike the comments, but my theory is that you just can’t tell. I’ve looked at pictures of me from earlier this year, at the height of my weight gain, and I really don’t see a drastic difference. A difference yes, but I always see those ads for diet supplements and they’re all "LOST 22 POUNDS!" and the before picture shows a rather rotund woman, while the after picture shows her, now seriously skinny, wearing her old pants and holding the waistline out about twelve inches. With me it’s more like, yeah I guess her gut isn’t sticking out quite as much. And maybe her thighs aren't quite as chunky. If it weren’t for my bathroom scale and my baggy clothes, I’m not sure I’d even know I was lighter than three months ago.
Okay. In looking for pictures to use for demonstration, I found very few full-body shots of me. I had to go back to April to find a comparison photo. The most recent full-body shot I have is from September. April is on the left, September on the right:
I think side by side like this, it's noticeable. But when I gained the weight, I didn't really feel that much bigger. And now that it's gone, I don't feel much smaller. Regardless, the point is that it took two and a half months of depression and anxiety to drop my excess poundage. I think it will take little more than a few unnecessary bowls of ice cream to gain it back. Both sides of that coin seem so unfair.
Reader Comments (13)
I think you're awful pretty no matter what, but you are definitely looking trimmer. This is a really brave post. And I think eating better and treating yourself right (even if that's "unnecessary" ice cream, which I don't think exists) will do loads to make you feel better in general. And you deserve feeling better!
Everyone is talking weight right now! I love it. It motivates me.
You may not have the picture of the 12 inch pant difference but you do have the picture with the "ta da" arms.
You look pretty in both pictures. Oddly, you seem more comfortable in your skin in the second one (I say oddly because I know what you were going through at the time). I like being at what I call my "happy" weight. According to beauty magazines (har), I look better when I'm 5-10 lbs smaller, but I'm happier when I don't deny myself the occasional margarita or bowl of queso.
Depression weight loss is the best! I lost 40 pounds. But I've put most of it back on cause I'm on this whole depression binge eating thing. That's the worst.
You look great but MUCH more important is feeling great about yourself both inside and out. Trite and true.
Shan, I did notice. I didn't say anything though because I recall how much you didn't care for it the last time I said something. I've noticed it in your flickr pictures and I noticed when I came to visit. And the conversation at breakfast about goal pants perplexed me because I had thought that it was a subject you didn't have much interest in.
I've ridden this same roller coaster ride. This recent 10 lbs that I've been trying to figure out how to work with, I think has been trying to find it's way to my hips, thighs, butt and gut for years, but something traumatic event has always stopped it. A bad break-up took it off, marriage within a few days of his deployment kept it off, a year of marriage where we ate regularly everyday put it on, separation took it off, divorce kept it off, a steady relationship put it on, some serious hard exercise and good eating kept me down and then issues with relationship took it off. Up, down, up, down.
I think I'm at a point where I just want to be healthy and feel healthy. And...find clothes that fit. haha!
I love ya and I think you're hot no matter what! ;)
You can definitely see the difference... but I think the biggest difference is just your body language in both pics!
I underwent the depression weight loss a few years ago. I had recently moved and my weight was starting to creep up due to excessive partying. After a bad break-up, I quickly lost 15 lbs and strangely, didn't gain too much of it back. For the first time in a long time, I lost my chubby cheeks. They've never come back.
You look great!
I gained ten since last summer, and now trying to figure out if i can take it off...
I must admit that I noticed a trimmer Doahleigh in your cruise photos, but I didn't want to say anything so as not to imply that you were "larger" before. :) (Does that make sense?)
I think you cn definately see the difference in the photos. The second pic you look so much happier so that could be it as well. I know exactly what you mean about the break-up diet. Sometimes i find myself on my couch for the whole day pigging out but mostly my pants are hanging off me in the butt too so I must not be eating the same as I was when i wasnt single.
Oh sweetie, I am so super sorry about your broken heart, but so glad that it is on the mend. And, know that you are gorgeous at any size.
i would say you just look more healthy. glad to hear you're feeling better. :)
Don't you just hate those weight loss commercials? Especially the pill ones, where the woman or guy loses a little weight and all of sudden they have a six-pack, too? So unrealistic.
I think you look fabulous!