Thursday
Mar292007
What's your last name?
Thursday, March 29, 2007 at 09:43AM
I've been wanting to write a post about last names for awhile, but the subject matter just keeps growing and growing, and I've been intimidated to even get started on one. Basically I have a lot to say about last names, all of which I've said before, but not much of which I've attempted to write. So I'm going to keep working on that. But first, I want to hear from other people. You especially, I'm really curious what you have to say about this.
Tell me, all you married people out there, what did you do with your last name when you got married? What did your husband or wife do?
And do tell, all you single people out there, what do you plan to do with your last name when (if) you get married? What do you hope your husband or wife will do?
You don't have to actually share your last name(s), just share if/how it/they was/were changed. Here, to help fight against identity theft, I'll provide you with fake names to manipulate as needed. Let's say your last name is Schlopp and your future/current spouse's last name is Dinger. What did you do with these names, or what will you do with them, upon marriage?
Will you be a Schlopp-Dinger? A Dinger-Schlopp? Just a Dinger? Just a Schlopp? Or maybe a Schlinger or Dopp?
If you share this with me, I promise I'll work on an official "last names" post to share with you. It promises to be chock-full of all kinds of interesting and thought-provoking stuff. Maybe.
Tell me, all you married people out there, what did you do with your last name when you got married? What did your husband or wife do?
And do tell, all you single people out there, what do you plan to do with your last name when (if) you get married? What do you hope your husband or wife will do?
You don't have to actually share your last name(s), just share if/how it/they was/were changed. Here, to help fight against identity theft, I'll provide you with fake names to manipulate as needed. Let's say your last name is Schlopp and your future/current spouse's last name is Dinger. What did you do with these names, or what will you do with them, upon marriage?
Will you be a Schlopp-Dinger? A Dinger-Schlopp? Just a Dinger? Just a Schlopp? Or maybe a Schlinger or Dopp?
If you share this with me, I promise I'll work on an official "last names" post to share with you. It promises to be chock-full of all kinds of interesting and thought-provoking stuff. Maybe.
Reader Comments (17)
I've been talking to The Boyfriend about this a bit lately, actually, since we're talking about getting married one day. My last name is a common one, we'll say Smith. His name sounds ethnic (which he's not - he's just about as white bread as they come), we'll say Lopez.
He has a friend whose last name was Miller and her hubby's last name was Stonebrook. They combined their names and became the Millstones.
I joke with The Boyfriend that we'll be the 'Smopez' family...but it ain't happenin'. I'll change my name to his, no second thought about it. (Though it TOTALLY doesn't fit me...I'm pretty white bread myself! LOL)
I'm not finicky about this. I'm not attached to my last name, but will probably keep it for professional reasons. I might tack on my future husband's name in some fashion (maybe use both). I have no problem with my future kids taking the name of my future husband. I'm not a huge fan of hyphenation, unless the two names really complement one other.
Um...I plan to take my husband's last name...unless its something ugly (i.e. Schlopp OR Dinger)....:) And if it is...I'm keeping mine, and he can do whatever the hell he wants with his.
Oooh, this could be a good topic. I'm really curious to read what you come up with. But here's my story.
I liked my last name before I got married. It flowed nicely with my first name, not too many letters, and people could easily pronounce and spell it. And it was right smack dab in the middle of the alphabet, so I could easily blend in as a kid, you know? Since it's not really attached to me in anymore, I'll tell you what it was: Hansen.
But then I got married, and like my mom before me, decided to make my maiden name as my middle name in order to take Roth's last name. This meant eliminating my birth middle name, which was kind of sad. You can relate. It was Leigh.
As I sat at the SS office, filling out the official paperwork, it felt like I was amputating this part of me in order to take Roth's name, and for a few brief moments, I contemplated not going through with it, and just being one of those women. The ones who keep their names when they get married. For some reason, I feel this is unfair when the couple has kids, because then what? A hyphenated name? That's a whole other ball of wax.
Ultimately, I'm getting used to my newish last name. It's not as easy to spell as my maiden name, and people think I'm Spanish, which is always funny, because I'm the whitest white girl ever, and even Roth is more German than he is Spanish. I do see my maiden name on official paperwork from time to time, and it's on my resume, so it's not really gone, per se. It's just ... relocated.
But I must say, I do miss Leigh, and when I have kids some day, somehow I'll manage to bring it back to life in some creative way.
i took my husband's name ... and it feels great but i also sort of kept my own name too for creative purposes / poetry and photo publications and my website ~ stuff like that ... we both have german names so i like to joke that i traded one difficult to spell / pronounce name for another and i got to keep the t and the z ...
here in alberta, when you take your husband's name, its not considered a 'legal' name change so i can use both and its considered legal as in my bank stuff is listed under his name but i also have my name as an 'alias' which is awesome because when i sell prints its under my maiden name ... i feel like i have the best of both worlds really ...
i'm feeling a bit burnt out by my crazy work day so i hope that made some sort of sense ... : /
I plan to take my future husband's name because I'm traditional like that. But my current boyfriend's last name is Lunde (Lund-eee). That would make me Lindsay Lunde, which sounds so Dr Suess it kills me. If we're together for the long haul, I may have to ditch my traditional values to maintain my dignity.
Well. My future mail order bride will surely be taking my last name. It will help with the whole getting past the immigration thing.
I guess I am one of "those women", though I'm not exactly sure what that means. I never planned on taking my husband's name and have kept my own. My name is a huge part of my identity and I didn't feel like I had to take his name in order for us to become our own family. I've been married for almost 7 years and not once have I felt like I wanted to be or should be Mrs......
I will take a new name. I think it is so exciting to be able to change names. Especially if it's another Irish one. :)
I, like Jen, took my maiden name as my middle name and my husband's name as my last name.
I was perfectly fine with that because:
1. My maiden name is really long, Italian, difficult to spell and pronounce. I can't tell you how many hours of my life I spent spelling out my maiden name over the phone - "P as in Peter...T as in Tom..."
2. I had no middle name, just an initial, so I wasn't really attached to a middle name. Because our last names were so long, my parents just gave my brother and I initials.
I love my new last name. :)
I would've liked to have hyphenated my last name. However being from West-Michigan-Capital-of-Expat-Dutch, my last name and his last name would've looked something like:
VanSomethingHorrible-GrevSomethingUnpronouneable.
I took the hubby's name. 'Nuff said. :)
I'm a non-traditionalist and really hate the expectation to take the man's name. I absolutely love hyphenated names because they carry a certain rhythm. I also like combining the names or choosing a new name altogether. I think it's cool when the man takes the woman's name because it's unusual and makes people think, but I still think it's rather unfair.
I also wanted to add that I consider a last name a paternal bond -- because typically the name comes from your father's side of the family.
I'm not close with my dad nor do I find his name or family history comforting. One might even say I have some distain for that side of my family. So for me, changing my last name will be closing the door on that part of my life and embracing a new beginning/new me.
I guess that I just wanted to add that because sometimes the decision to change your name isn't about women's rights/feminism, tradition or find a name that sounds best. Sometimes it isn't about what you are becoming so much as what you're shedding.
I suppose I'm late to this great commenting party but here's my .02. I would have to say that I'm a traditionalist so I ended up taking my husband's last name. Partly due to tradition and mostly because I felt strongly that I share the same last name with my future children. I didn't think of changing my middle name because it's a family name and I like it.
I didn't think this would be any big deal for me as I always knew this is what I would do and I carry no issues with identity or feminism attached to keeping my maiden name. But strangely enough I was a little sad. Like Jen said it was like amputating a part of me. I wasn't emotionally attached to my last name until I left it behind and now I miss it from time to time. Not enough to change my name back, but enough to respect it for what it was.
My new last name has definitely downsized my signiture which is a good thing when talking about signing a mortgage, but sometimes I miss the distinct culturaly heritage that my maiden name represented. It's one of those trade off's in life. I suppose you just have to weigh the pro's and con's and decide what's best for you. Although I do have to say that I'd have serious suspicions about any couple who combined their names. That just seems so hoaky and faddish to me but to each their own.
I'm pretty late here too, but I wanted to comment. I took my husband's name, without a second thought. It's just what I've always wanted to do - although I definitely wouldn't say that I'm "traditional" or "old-fashioned" in most every other aspect of my life.
Here's the kicker - I went from a 4-letter, easy to say and write, maiden name, to a 13 letter monstrosity that has an entire silent SYLLABLE in it. So, (this is not my real name) it's like it's LARVERTARKIN. But would be pronounced LARTARKIN.
I have to admit, it's definitely a pain to spell out, and after 3 years of marriage I'm already sick of hearing everyone's "funny" comments when doing everything from ordering a pizza to making a doctor's appointment ("wow, is that your married name? You must really love your husband to take that one!" or, my favorite, "Does your husband speak English?" - he was born and raised in Detroit people.)
Anyway, I still love sharing a name with my husband and knowing that our future children will share their last name with both of us. To each their own, as far as this is concerned, and I can understand where women are coming from when they say their last name is part of their identity that they don't want to lose. I guess I just don't feel that way - I never felt like I was giving up part of myself by changing my name. It was like a rite of passage for me to give up the name I shared with my parents and take my husband's name. Although at times I really wish it was something cool (and pronouncable) like "Goldwater" or "Valentine."
I would (did) take my husband's last name. When I got married, I was very proud to take his name. I was proud to be his wife and proud to be Mrs. SoandSo. Even though it may sound contradictory, through everything that happened with him, I was glad to have my maiden name back. I'm very proud of it too but changing my name doesn't change who I am. I'm still Jessi Beagle (I don't care who knows). I'll always be Jessi Beagle. My mother will always call me that. Should I ever marry again, I would take my husband's name. If I couldn't be proud to be Mrs. Whatever, then I wouldn't be marrying him.
My question is, is it a blow to a guy's ego if the wife doesn't take his name?
I majorly regret it. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I think about it all the time now. I have dark hair and am dark complected and my married last name is Spanish. So now, people try to talk to me in Spanish all the time. I wish I had realized I would regret it, but I didn't even consider keeping it at the time. I miss my simple maiden name! It's my middle name now, and I do use both when I publish, but I wish I had just kept it.
Don't change it!!