Tuesday
Feb132007
Oh I'm stressed alright
Tuesday, February 13, 2007 at 07:13PM
Breakdown the 1st: I was in GR at my sister's house yesterday. Everyone else was working or busy, so I was there alone most of the day. By alone I mean in the company or four pet-like animals: two cats, two dogs. And I'm definitely not a pet person. First the chihuahua woke me up far too early by scratching incessantly on the bedroom door. Then both the chihuahua and the terrier followed me everywhere I went. Everywhere. All day long the clickclickclick of dog paws on the hardwood floors behind me. To the bathroom, back to the couch, to the kitchen, into the office, back to the kitchen, the bathroom, living room, downstairs upstairs back and forth back and forth and oh my god please go lay down and leave me the hell alone already!
When I was trying to make some phone calls and research cars in the afternoon, the animals were crawling all over me. Leaving pet hair on my clothes, touching me with slimey noses, begging to get onto the couch because someone is too damn small to jump up herself. And even though one of the cats never showed its face, it meowed like the devil all day long from the basement.
Eventually I couldn't take anymore. I needed them to leave me alone. I sat down at the kitchen table, looked at the two dogs eagerly awaiting my attention, and I begged them to please leave me alone. Please. Just for a minute, give me some peace. To keep myself from injuring one of them or myself, I put my head down on the table, fought back tears and did breathing exercises. I was that angry. From pets. Pets did this to me. If I can't even handle furry little adorable animals, how can I handle the true challenges of life?
Breakdown the 2nd: I didn't sleep last night. My brain would not shut down. Everytime I tried to sleep, my brain took over and said no way girlie, there is WAY too much to think about right now. No sleep until every single problem you've ever had or ever will have in your life is solved. So let's get to it! I was miserable because I didn't want to think anymore, I just wanted to sleep. Even when I dozed off for a bit, my brain would literally wake me up with it's thinking. I don't know if that's ever happened to me before.
So this morning, after a restless night, I was running late for work and I couldn't find my mittens. Where the hell! Are my mother! Fucking! Mittens! I tore the place apart looking for them, eventually slammed my way out of the apartment without even a goodbye to Brad, and found the mittens in my car on the way to work. Even upon finding them though, my stress wasn't relieved. I kept a straight face all morning, but by noon, I couldn't hold it in anymore. In the middle of a gmail chat with Brad, I started to overheat and had to fight back tears. I immediately grabbed my keys and left to take my lunch. I got in the car and cried.
Maybe I just needed to cry and get it out my system, but maybe I'm losing my mind. I was doing okay for awhile, but now all these big decisions are coming at me and I have no mechanisms for handling them. The thought of trying to figure something out is too much for me, and I don't know how to express it other than to yell and cry and spend sleepless night after sleepless night thinking about it nonstop. I fear if something doesn't get resolved soon, I might go off the edge.
When I was trying to make some phone calls and research cars in the afternoon, the animals were crawling all over me. Leaving pet hair on my clothes, touching me with slimey noses, begging to get onto the couch because someone is too damn small to jump up herself. And even though one of the cats never showed its face, it meowed like the devil all day long from the basement.
Eventually I couldn't take anymore. I needed them to leave me alone. I sat down at the kitchen table, looked at the two dogs eagerly awaiting my attention, and I begged them to please leave me alone. Please. Just for a minute, give me some peace. To keep myself from injuring one of them or myself, I put my head down on the table, fought back tears and did breathing exercises. I was that angry. From pets. Pets did this to me. If I can't even handle furry little adorable animals, how can I handle the true challenges of life?
Breakdown the 2nd: I didn't sleep last night. My brain would not shut down. Everytime I tried to sleep, my brain took over and said no way girlie, there is WAY too much to think about right now. No sleep until every single problem you've ever had or ever will have in your life is solved. So let's get to it! I was miserable because I didn't want to think anymore, I just wanted to sleep. Even when I dozed off for a bit, my brain would literally wake me up with it's thinking. I don't know if that's ever happened to me before.
So this morning, after a restless night, I was running late for work and I couldn't find my mittens. Where the hell! Are my mother! Fucking! Mittens! I tore the place apart looking for them, eventually slammed my way out of the apartment without even a goodbye to Brad, and found the mittens in my car on the way to work. Even upon finding them though, my stress wasn't relieved. I kept a straight face all morning, but by noon, I couldn't hold it in anymore. In the middle of a gmail chat with Brad, I started to overheat and had to fight back tears. I immediately grabbed my keys and left to take my lunch. I got in the car and cried.
Maybe I just needed to cry and get it out my system, but maybe I'm losing my mind. I was doing okay for awhile, but now all these big decisions are coming at me and I have no mechanisms for handling them. The thought of trying to figure something out is too much for me, and I don't know how to express it other than to yell and cry and spend sleepless night after sleepless night thinking about it nonstop. I fear if something doesn't get resolved soon, I might go off the edge.
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