Friday
Jan052007
The tomato wars
Friday, January 5, 2007 at 10:52AM
Brad and I are in the middle of a war. A war with tomatoes. And while we have experienced many losing battles, we're developing new war tactics and hope to come out victorious in the end.
To be honest though, it's not really a war with tomatoes; they're more like the innocent pawns in a war we're fighting against food service. But since we hate tomatoes so much, it often feels like the little red demons are out to get us. A batallion of evil tomatoes attacking our camp while we sleep. But really it's more like a brigade of lazy food service employees storming us with fistfuls of slimey tomato slices. And our only defense is a meekly chirped, "Uh...no tomatoes please."
Now, this war does not involve all things tomato-related. As a matter of fact, we like most tomato byproducts very much: ketchup, spaghetti sauce, marinara. I even like tomato soup, and he loves V8. But stand-alone tomatoes? I can barely stand the sight of them, and Brad is only slightly less averse.
At home we have control over our tomato intake (none), but since we eat out a lot, we're often at the mercy of the food service industry. And apparently, the food service industry LOVES to get rid of their tomatoes. It seems everywhere we go, anything we order, tomatoes are included. And without hesitation, sometimes even if the food we're ordering isn't normally served tainted with the forbidden fruit, we almost always follow up our order with, "...no tomatoes."
NO TOMATOES! No. Tuh. May. Toes. It doesn't seem that difficult, I think we speak rather clearly. But about 80% of the time, we get them on our food anyway. You may be thinking, Well tomatoes are easily removed. What's the big deal? Shut up and be glad you're not starving on the streets. Okay yes, I am glad I'm not starving on the streets, but you're wrong about something. Tomatoes are not easy to remove. They leave behind tomato guts, that slimey, seedy stuff that is impossible to get rid of completely. And believe me, when you hate tomatoes as much as I do, you can most definitely taste tomato guts in every single bite.
And that's only one of the war tactics that food service uses. The other 20% of the time, when they actually understand the words "no tomato," they still chuck the guts at us. Before biting, I check all of my sandwiches to make sure there are no traces of tomato; and even when there are no large obvious slices, there are still traces of the guts. Food service: it doesn't count if you put tomatoes on my sandwich and then slyly remove them. I'm on to you! When you leave behind traces of tomato seeds and slime, I see it. I taste it. I know it's there, and I'm not happy.
One time, when Brad returned a tomato-laden turkey and swiss at Arby's, they removed the slices right in front of him and handed back the sandwich. As if that was good enough. The guts, don't you see the guts? Fortunately, the manager saw Brad's disgruntled face and made her employees start all over.
And just last night at Panera Bread, a place that usually comes through for me, I not only found tomato guts on my tuna salad sandwich, but a large withered tomato chunk buried in the tuna as well.
So the war is on and in full force. But! We have a new tactic: we've learned that a simple request to omit tomatoes doesn't have much affect, but how about a death threat? I don't know if there's really such a thing as an allergy to tomatoes, but I figure it sounds perfectly viable. From now on, if I really need to drive home the NO TOMATOES point, I'll have to include something like, "Oh and I'm deathly allergic, so can you be sure to keep tomatoes far far away from my food? Yeah thanks."
To be honest though, it's not really a war with tomatoes; they're more like the innocent pawns in a war we're fighting against food service. But since we hate tomatoes so much, it often feels like the little red demons are out to get us. A batallion of evil tomatoes attacking our camp while we sleep. But really it's more like a brigade of lazy food service employees storming us with fistfuls of slimey tomato slices. And our only defense is a meekly chirped, "Uh...no tomatoes please."
Now, this war does not involve all things tomato-related. As a matter of fact, we like most tomato byproducts very much: ketchup, spaghetti sauce, marinara. I even like tomato soup, and he loves V8. But stand-alone tomatoes? I can barely stand the sight of them, and Brad is only slightly less averse.
At home we have control over our tomato intake (none), but since we eat out a lot, we're often at the mercy of the food service industry. And apparently, the food service industry LOVES to get rid of their tomatoes. It seems everywhere we go, anything we order, tomatoes are included. And without hesitation, sometimes even if the food we're ordering isn't normally served tainted with the forbidden fruit, we almost always follow up our order with, "...no tomatoes."
NO TOMATOES! No. Tuh. May. Toes. It doesn't seem that difficult, I think we speak rather clearly. But about 80% of the time, we get them on our food anyway. You may be thinking, Well tomatoes are easily removed. What's the big deal? Shut up and be glad you're not starving on the streets. Okay yes, I am glad I'm not starving on the streets, but you're wrong about something. Tomatoes are not easy to remove. They leave behind tomato guts, that slimey, seedy stuff that is impossible to get rid of completely. And believe me, when you hate tomatoes as much as I do, you can most definitely taste tomato guts in every single bite.
And that's only one of the war tactics that food service uses. The other 20% of the time, when they actually understand the words "no tomato," they still chuck the guts at us. Before biting, I check all of my sandwiches to make sure there are no traces of tomato; and even when there are no large obvious slices, there are still traces of the guts. Food service: it doesn't count if you put tomatoes on my sandwich and then slyly remove them. I'm on to you! When you leave behind traces of tomato seeds and slime, I see it. I taste it. I know it's there, and I'm not happy.
One time, when Brad returned a tomato-laden turkey and swiss at Arby's, they removed the slices right in front of him and handed back the sandwich. As if that was good enough. The guts, don't you see the guts? Fortunately, the manager saw Brad's disgruntled face and made her employees start all over.
And just last night at Panera Bread, a place that usually comes through for me, I not only found tomato guts on my tuna salad sandwich, but a large withered tomato chunk buried in the tuna as well.
So the war is on and in full force. But! We have a new tactic: we've learned that a simple request to omit tomatoes doesn't have much affect, but how about a death threat? I don't know if there's really such a thing as an allergy to tomatoes, but I figure it sounds perfectly viable. From now on, if I really need to drive home the NO TOMATOES point, I'll have to include something like, "Oh and I'm deathly allergic, so can you be sure to keep tomatoes far far away from my food? Yeah thanks."
Reader Comments (11)
Shan, I'm with you on the no tomato thing. I hate them as much as you. And, just so you know, I know someone that is allergic to tomatoes. Only the fresh tomatoes though. So, he can eat ketchup and spaghetti sauce. So there you go, a viable excuse for no tomatoes.
Unfortunately, I have to say, I heart tomatoes, so I don't really get this hatred, especially since you enjoy tomato-flavored byproducts (well, maybe I kinda get it, as I like raisins, but hate grapes, or like olive oil, hate olives, or like pickles, hate cucumbers ... OK, so I get this!). However, I understand your frustration with the food service industry, as I live in the no onion camp. If you think tomato guts are unappealing, residual onion stank is worse.
I'm SO totally there with ya. Hot tomatoes are the WORST. Bleh!
Another thing they NEVER listen on? "I'd like an iced tea with NO. LEMON."
Big damn lemon all up in my tea. EVERYtime. It's war!
Between you and Bonny I never hear the end of the tomato complaint! But I'm with Jen. Hate onions..and let's be honest hear...onion flavor seeps into EVERYTHING...never goes away. It's way worse than tomatoes. Or tomato guts.
One other thing...did you know that Wendy's officially removed the tomato for their Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger? Now every damn time I go to Wendy's and order one I actually have to request to have tomato put on! It's BS if you ask me...but at least that might help you out..:)
Onion flavor does spread far and wide, but I don't think you can really say they're way worse. They're worse for you because you don't like them. But when tomatoes taste like vomit to you, believe me, you can taste that in every bite!
(For the record, I don't really like onions either. But I don't bother to order without, I just take them off myself. So I still hold that tomatoes are just as bad. For me at least.)
Onions are far worse. I hate tomatoes too, but onions are far worse. It is always No Onion and No Tomato for me.
Have you been talking to my husband??? He is anti-tomato. unless it is in "disguise".
ahhhh, see i love love love tomatoes and all their slimy little guys and sometimes to the disgust of those tomato haters around me, I bite into them like they are juicy apples and slurp away ... heh heh
i think it is because i was ALLERGIC as a child and couldn't eat them ~ so you can totally go with the allergy thing : )
Oh, the tomato. Hmmm...like Strawberries, something I would like to learn to love. I used to have this same hatred for strawberries and, now, they are my absolute favorite.
I'm not a fan of the tomato either. I do not like them at all in raw form. However, I do despise the raw form of the onion to a much greater extent than the tomato. Raw onion gives me incredible indigestion and there is a terrible aftertaste. Yuck, yuck, yuck! Please stop putting onions in my tuna fish!!! *Gag*
I've learned, by force, to tolerate the tomato. I actually like stewed tomatoes. I don't mind tomato chunks in my spaghetti sauce or salsa anymore. I have yet to acquired the taste of the raw tomato however. I keep trying by forcing myself to eat them on occassion - on a sandwich or a few chunks in a salad. They are so pretty and they look like they should be yummy...but they aren't.
Ahhh...I'm glad I'm not the only one to ponder such subjects.
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