Monday
Sep252006
Throwing a "dinner party" BS style
Monday, September 25, 2006 at 04:37PM
- Sleep in until 11 on the day of the gathering.
- Take a nap until 2.
- Sit around reading and messing around online until 3.
- Finally take showers and get dressed.
- Take recyclables to the recycling center so it's not all sitting in the middle of the hall when company comes over.
- Stop at grocery store for essential ingredients.
- Drop food items at home.
- Go to Target to return table runner that looked silly on new coffee table and look for decent placemats. Also look for small bowls.
- Fail to find decent placemats or small bowls.
- Try Kohls.
- Fail.
- Try the dollar store.
- Buy ugly placemats that you end up liking later.
- Fail to find any small bowls. At all. None. Not even ugly ones.
- Call "dinner party" guests to ask if they can come at 5:30 instead of 5 as it is now 4:45 and you're not even home yet.
- Get home and begin cooking.
- Realize, mid-chop, that what you thought was chicken is actually pork. Cease cooking.
- Call guests and ask them to come at 6:00 instead of 5:30.
- Run to store to buy chicken.
- Cook delicious meal that gets lots of compliments even though it's over an hour late.
- Remember to put garlic bread in oven after meal has begun.
- Engage guests, who have already finished the rest of the meal, in small talk while the bread takes 15 minutes to cook instead of the suggested 5-7.
- After meal, in lieu of actual entertainment, show guests your new gadgetry and repeatedly discuss the potency of your McIntosh-apple-scented candle.
- Just before guests leave, remember cool apron you were supposed to wear that says "Whippin' up something sexy." Stage a picture:
- Take a nap until 2.
- Sit around reading and messing around online until 3.
- Finally take showers and get dressed.
- Take recyclables to the recycling center so it's not all sitting in the middle of the hall when company comes over.
- Stop at grocery store for essential ingredients.
- Drop food items at home.
- Go to Target to return table runner that looked silly on new coffee table and look for decent placemats. Also look for small bowls.
- Fail to find decent placemats or small bowls.
- Try Kohls.
- Fail.
- Try the dollar store.
- Buy ugly placemats that you end up liking later.
- Fail to find any small bowls. At all. None. Not even ugly ones.
- Call "dinner party" guests to ask if they can come at 5:30 instead of 5 as it is now 4:45 and you're not even home yet.
- Get home and begin cooking.
- Realize, mid-chop, that what you thought was chicken is actually pork. Cease cooking.
- Call guests and ask them to come at 6:00 instead of 5:30.
- Run to store to buy chicken.
- Cook delicious meal that gets lots of compliments even though it's over an hour late.
- Remember to put garlic bread in oven after meal has begun.
- Engage guests, who have already finished the rest of the meal, in small talk while the bread takes 15 minutes to cook instead of the suggested 5-7.
- After meal, in lieu of actual entertainment, show guests your new gadgetry and repeatedly discuss the potency of your McIntosh-apple-scented candle.
- Just before guests leave, remember cool apron you were supposed to wear that says "Whippin' up something sexy." Stage a picture:
- When guests leave, breathe a big sigh of relief, embrace each other, and vow to never have people over again.
(Kidding! Please come visit us!)
Reader Comments (3)
ROTFL Totally LOL and ROTFL some more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm terrible at the "getting everything on the table at the same time" game too. You really confused pork and chicken? That's awesome.
Yeah well it was the pre-cut stuff that we've used for stir fry in the past. We didn't realize it came in the pork variety, so we just grabbed it and ran. Remember, we were running very late.
Wasn't until we started chopping it into smaller pieces that we realized the color and texture weren't quite right. Ah yes, it says right here on the label: Pork.