Tuesday
May232006
My a** and other fun body parts
Tuesday, May 23, 2006 at 10:17AM
Okay fine, we didn't really go on a cruise. You fell for it didn't you? Actually that picture is from a cruise-ship-themed work function I dragged Brad to. But don't you wish we had gone on a cruise because that would have made for much more interesting stories than I have today.
Guess what I'm going to talk about first? My ass. Again. I had Brad take a good hard look at it, he did some simple experiments, gave it some thought, and reported back that it wasn't getting any larger. Now obviously he can't exactly tell me my ass is growing because he loves me and wants me to keep loving him, and any sentence that includes "ass" and "bigger" without the word "not" in it would potentially put an end to those things. Yes, I have a smart boyfriend who knows the right answer: your butt looks great honey. But that means I don't know the real answer. I do know that I haven't felt the distinct jiggle again and I'm still faithfully courting x. I guess I'll have to visit gramps soon and ask if my ass is getting roly poly-er.
Isn't it interesting that I just picked up a book yesterday about a woman with weight issues? The Next Big Thing. Yeah, the next big thing: my ass.
Now before you run away, I have another part of my anatomy to discuss and it promises to be much more interesting. You're expecting boobs aren't you? Wrong. It's a mole! I have a few of the lovely growths on my body, but the one we're talking about today is on my back. I think it's falling off. Well only a little bit, but are they supposed to do that? The top of it feels ever-so-slightly detached from my skin. The other day I was scratching an itch back there and raked a little too hard over the mole, and I think I did some damage. It's not a very big mole, and I'm not in love with it or anything, but I kinda don't want it coming undone. I think that would be bad.
Guess what I'm going to talk about first? My ass. Again. I had Brad take a good hard look at it, he did some simple experiments, gave it some thought, and reported back that it wasn't getting any larger. Now obviously he can't exactly tell me my ass is growing because he loves me and wants me to keep loving him, and any sentence that includes "ass" and "bigger" without the word "not" in it would potentially put an end to those things. Yes, I have a smart boyfriend who knows the right answer: your butt looks great honey. But that means I don't know the real answer. I do know that I haven't felt the distinct jiggle again and I'm still faithfully courting x. I guess I'll have to visit gramps soon and ask if my ass is getting roly poly-er.
Isn't it interesting that I just picked up a book yesterday about a woman with weight issues? The Next Big Thing. Yeah, the next big thing: my ass.
Now before you run away, I have another part of my anatomy to discuss and it promises to be much more interesting. You're expecting boobs aren't you? Wrong. It's a mole! I have a few of the lovely growths on my body, but the one we're talking about today is on my back. I think it's falling off. Well only a little bit, but are they supposed to do that? The top of it feels ever-so-slightly detached from my skin. The other day I was scratching an itch back there and raked a little too hard over the mole, and I think I did some damage. It's not a very big mole, and I'm not in love with it or anything, but I kinda don't want it coming undone. I think that would be bad.
in Brad, My anatomy
Brad, My anatomy
Reader Comments (3)
I've scratched a mole off before. It bleeds, it heals, and it comes back. Just like a regular cut. You'll be fine.
In ass-related news:
Good job Brad on not falling for the oldest trick in the book. "Is my body in any way not the most perfect thing you've ever seen?" "No honey. I think you're the hottest thing since the sun started burning."
I'm kinda annoyed by these questions. I'm a person who like to tell the truth, and I really can't in these situations. I feel that I should be able to say "Honey, you look like you've put on about 10 lbs since we met.. can't you do something about that? I still find you attractive, but you're not up to your potential." That would result in me never having sex again.
I mean... selective honesty is kinda annoying. Can't I just tell the truth, and then you can deal with it? We both know the truth, but god forbid I say anything. I'd hope you'd tell me that I'm not as fit as I used to be. Then I can properly adress the situation. Girls are just too sensitive.
Yes, there are girls hotter than you. Yes, I find them attractive too. No, I will not cheat on you. Just set your hotness to whatever level you want, and I'll be happy to have sex with you unless you really let yourself go.
BTW. None of the above comments were at all directed in any way at Shannon. Just a general rant towards girls and more specifically my GF.
For the record, I actually think Brad was telling the truth. I don't think my ass is noticeably bigger, but I thank him for saying so anyway.
Plus, I KNOW that I'm the hottest girl Brad will ever see. Because he loves me so deeply he sees me with different eyes than any other girl. Even if there are hotter girls, and even if Brad thinks they're super hot, and even if by normal standards they blow me out of the water, I know they'll never be as good-looking as me. At least not through Brad's eyes.
Sappy? Yes. True? Yeah I really think it is.
Of course it's true.