Monday
Feb202006
Apparently all I have to talk about is my boyfriend and my body
Monday, February 20, 2006 at 11:32AM
Yeah maybe it is time to start working out. My body is starting to break down. I just feel generally unhealthy. My body is practically begging for vitamins and nutrients. I think my stomach-aches, headaches and overall feeling of "ick" directly translates to, "Excuse me, but I could really use some vitamin C. Or A or D or E. Zinc or potassium. Whatever you can find. Please, just don't feed me Wendy's chicken strips and french fries again!"
Some of my ailments may be attributed to old age. I know, 25 is hardly ancient, but trust me when I say I ain't no 18 year old no more (nor do I ever talk like that in real life, I swear). Here's a list of my recent maladies:
Yesterday when all of these worlds collided, I lost the desire to operate my brain or body at all. We were in Barnes & Noble, I had just used the bathroom, and I thought I might die. Bladder infections+headache+throbbing toe=not fun. I found Brad and he immediately recognized the desperate look on my face. I explained, with much urgency, that I just needed to sit down. I couldn't put my finger on it before, but I've now defined why I prefer Schuler's over B&N. Barnes & Nobles has a severe seating shortage! Where are the oversized couches? The random chairs throughout the store? Nowhere. It's either try the floor or remain standing.
Like I said, I had lost all desire and ability to think or function at this point. Here's a tip. When selecting a boyfriend, find one who will recognize when you are incapable of making decisions and taking much-needed action and who will not only lead you quickly to the only available seat in the building but will also hand-deliver celebrity smut magazines to get you through the suffering. Make sure he's also willing to sit with you the whole time, perched awkwardly on the four-inch high windowsill/bench even though he is a giant and his legs are crammed up beneath him like the contortionist he's not. Then when you're finally feeling well enough to attempt to limp out of the building, make sure he's the type that will offer to take you to Noodles & Company for dinner. And when you feel sick afterward, be sure your man is ready and willing to play with your hair in bed until you feel better. Trust me, that kind of boyfriend will get you through every time.
Anyway, the plan for better overall health is to eat more fruits and vegetables and less pizza and french fries. Losing weight has never really been a motivator for me, but to get rid of the "ick" factor for awhile, I'll give it a try.
Some of my ailments may be attributed to old age. I know, 25 is hardly ancient, but trust me when I say I ain't no 18 year old no more (nor do I ever talk like that in real life, I swear). Here's a list of my recent maladies:
- chronic headache (started on Wednesday and hasn't ceased since)
- stomach aches (often after I eat the not-fruits-and-vegetables that make up my diet)
- sharp pain in stomach (feels like a rock has made a home in my lower left abdomen)
- sharp pain in side (just below my rib cage, above my hipbone...what's that?)
- bladder infection (seems to come and go, but when it comes, my world stops functioning)
- infected toe (I cut off a hangnail on my big toe, now it's all infected and swollen and makes a foot amputation seem preferable to walking)
Yesterday when all of these worlds collided, I lost the desire to operate my brain or body at all. We were in Barnes & Noble, I had just used the bathroom, and I thought I might die. Bladder infections+headache+throbbing toe=not fun. I found Brad and he immediately recognized the desperate look on my face. I explained, with much urgency, that I just needed to sit down. I couldn't put my finger on it before, but I've now defined why I prefer Schuler's over B&N. Barnes & Nobles has a severe seating shortage! Where are the oversized couches? The random chairs throughout the store? Nowhere. It's either try the floor or remain standing.
Like I said, I had lost all desire and ability to think or function at this point. Here's a tip. When selecting a boyfriend, find one who will recognize when you are incapable of making decisions and taking much-needed action and who will not only lead you quickly to the only available seat in the building but will also hand-deliver celebrity smut magazines to get you through the suffering. Make sure he's also willing to sit with you the whole time, perched awkwardly on the four-inch high windowsill/bench even though he is a giant and his legs are crammed up beneath him like the contortionist he's not. Then when you're finally feeling well enough to attempt to limp out of the building, make sure he's the type that will offer to take you to Noodles & Company for dinner. And when you feel sick afterward, be sure your man is ready and willing to play with your hair in bed until you feel better. Trust me, that kind of boyfriend will get you through every time.
Anyway, the plan for better overall health is to eat more fruits and vegetables and less pizza and french fries. Losing weight has never really been a motivator for me, but to get rid of the "ick" factor for awhile, I'll give it a try.
Reader Comments (3)
Awww... what a guy!
Healthy food will indeed make you feel a ton better. Eating fruits, vegetables, grains and other stuff will make you feel like you have energy, give your body energy and nutriets to fight off the infections (bladder and toe), and probably get rid of your headache. It is ridiculous how much better I feel when I work out and eat right. Keep it up, and you'll feel better, sleep better, have better sex, and just all-around enjoy your life much more.
Thanks Jason. Unfortunately I'm not robotic like you and I have no motivation! The sex life is already good, so I guess I'll have to concentrate on the fewer infections thing cuz my toe still hurts.