Sunday
Nov122006
Friends:Religion as Oil:Water (this is not proven in all cases)
Sunday, November 12, 2006 at 09:05AM
When I wrote about my (first ever!) massage two weeks ago, I mentioned how nice the massage therapist was. She was about my age and very friendly. Right away we hit it off, chatting about our jobs, our degrees and our boyfriends (well, her husband). But shortly into the conversation, and without much warning, she brought up religion. Do you go to a church around here? she asked.
I explained to her that I grew up as a church-goer and spent a year in college very involved in "church life." But since then I've only gone occassionally, and only once since I moved here over two years ago. I even mentioned that Brad and I have talked about maybe trying out a few churches just to see what's up.
What I didn't tell her was that some of my personal views contradict the beliefs of most organized religions. Because of this, I value Christian morals and the fellowship of a church, but if anything, I'm looking for a liberal establishment where my personal beliefs are understood and not admonished. Oh, and it would have to be a very casual church where I could comfortably attend only occasionally.
I left all that out, instead asking her more about her church. It didn't really sound like my kind of place, but she was so nice and I wanted to be her friend, so I found myself saying I'd like to try it sometime. And maybe I would...maybe I shouldn't rule out a place based on pre-conceived notions. But then would our friendship be based primarily on my church attendance?
Before I left, she wrote down the name of the church and her cell phone number. I had every intention of calling her as soon as I figured out how to tell her I might not be visiting her church, but let's still be friends! But how do you do that without sounding pathetic and lame?
Making friends is so much like dating, which is probably why I suck at it so bad. I was never the aggressor when I was dating, never the one to ask for a number or make the first move. And that's how I am with friends, I need them to pursue me! Otherwise I just feel ridiculous, like I'm trying so hard to be in their life and they don't even remember my name. That's why I haven't really made any friends since I moved here: I'm bad at dating.
And when you throw in the wrench of religion, things just get messy. I should have just told her at the massage that even if I don't come to church, maybe we could still hang out sometime. But I didn't. And now I don't even know where I put her number, so in the end, I'm still spending every second of my time at work, with Brad or sleeping. Which really isn't so bad.
But Janea, if you read this, call me! We can hang out and maybe, MAYBE, I'll try your church someday.
I explained to her that I grew up as a church-goer and spent a year in college very involved in "church life." But since then I've only gone occassionally, and only once since I moved here over two years ago. I even mentioned that Brad and I have talked about maybe trying out a few churches just to see what's up.
What I didn't tell her was that some of my personal views contradict the beliefs of most organized religions. Because of this, I value Christian morals and the fellowship of a church, but if anything, I'm looking for a liberal establishment where my personal beliefs are understood and not admonished. Oh, and it would have to be a very casual church where I could comfortably attend only occasionally.
I left all that out, instead asking her more about her church. It didn't really sound like my kind of place, but she was so nice and I wanted to be her friend, so I found myself saying I'd like to try it sometime. And maybe I would...maybe I shouldn't rule out a place based on pre-conceived notions. But then would our friendship be based primarily on my church attendance?
Before I left, she wrote down the name of the church and her cell phone number. I had every intention of calling her as soon as I figured out how to tell her I might not be visiting her church, but let's still be friends! But how do you do that without sounding pathetic and lame?
Making friends is so much like dating, which is probably why I suck at it so bad. I was never the aggressor when I was dating, never the one to ask for a number or make the first move. And that's how I am with friends, I need them to pursue me! Otherwise I just feel ridiculous, like I'm trying so hard to be in their life and they don't even remember my name. That's why I haven't really made any friends since I moved here: I'm bad at dating.
And when you throw in the wrench of religion, things just get messy. I should have just told her at the massage that even if I don't come to church, maybe we could still hang out sometime. But I didn't. And now I don't even know where I put her number, so in the end, I'm still spending every second of my time at work, with Brad or sleeping. Which really isn't so bad.
But Janea, if you read this, call me! We can hang out and maybe, MAYBE, I'll try your church someday.
in Just stuff
Just stuff
Reader Comments (1)
As one of your friends (I hope), and a religious one at that (bet you didn't know that), I would say, just be honest. Tell her you've given it some thought and you just aren't interested in attending church at this time. Should you come to the point where you might think you want to give it a try, you'll let her know. That lets her know where you stand and doesn't leave it open for discussion. It leaves it in your hands. You might even end with, "I hope that this does not affect our friendship." That will leave it open for her to respond so you know how she feels. At that point, there's no more guessing.
A true friend, or someone who truely wants to be your friend, will be honest as well.