I’m so not a runner. I never have been, and if you asked me to run right now, I wouldn’t make it two blocks without being winded. In fact, I’ve always believed I just wasn’t made for running, my body wasn’t made for it. Some people are built for running, I am not. That’s it, done, no running for me.

But in the last couple months I’ve heard of three people (who also don’t consider themselves to be runners) who have started running. Those three people include Nanette, Patti, and one of my new coworkers, and all three are using the Couch to 5K training program.

Something about hearing it three times in a row made me think, “Hmm… maybe I could do that.” So I set a goal—my city hosts the annual Riverbank Run, which includes a 25K run, 5K run and 5K walk, and I want to run the 5K. Then I started preparing. I researched and bought a pair of affordable running shoes, I researched and bought a sports bra, and I asked Nanette for advice. She pointed me to these podcasts that are full of different music for each run and also count down each time you have to switch between walking and running. While I was planning to use the Giraffe’s iPod for this, he surprised me and one day this showed up:

(Wow, it looks so dusty!)

(He got free engraving and had this put on the back. So cute.)

On Saturday I successfully finished Workout 1 of Week 1. It was not ideal. We just got a big snowstorm at the end of last week, and everything was sloppy and melty on Saturday. My new shoes are already a mess. But I did it, I got through it! Thank god I only had to run for 60 seconds at a time because I wouldn’t have made it any longer. I have to be honest, I’m not completely confident I’m going to make it through the whole 9 weeks, but I’ll try.

My sister Emily said she’d like to try to do the training and run the 5K with me in May, which I think will help with my motivation. So here we go. Wish me luck.

I’m taking your advice! I’m getting the biopsy. I don’t think I ever doubted that I would – with a history of breast cancer in my family, I knew I couldn’t take the risk of not having it done. But at my appointment yesterday, even though I was there for an hour and a half, it all seemed to go so fast. One minute I was getting an ultrasound as planned, the next I was whisked off to the mammogram room, and then I was told I’d need a biopsy. I didn’t have time to process it all.

Plus I was recalling things I’d heard from other people about how doctors deal differently with patients who have insurance and those who don’t. If, after writing that post, I had heard a lot of stories from you guys about how, Yes! Doctors totally do that! I would have called and investigated a little more. But instead I heard a resounding, YES! Without a doubt, get the biopsy! And I agree.

Next Tuesday I’ll be naked from the waist up with a needle in my numbed left boob. Woohoo! I’ll let you know how it goes.

Well, I had my first mammogram today. That’s not what I was expecting when I started my day, but that’s where I ended up. With my left boob smashed between two plastic plates. I’ll tell you how I got there, but I also want to ask some advice. So if you have time, read the whole thing and help me out.

In December I was laying in bed on my right side, reading a book. I had my left arm propped up on the side of my left boob to better hold the book, and I noticed a pain. Hmm, my boob kind of hurts, that’s odd. So I felt around a bit, and sure enough, a lump. I showed the Giraffe who thought I should get myself to to the doctor that very second, but I waited and had my sister check it out for me the next time I saw her. She said it was probably ok to wait until my doctor appointment in mid-January. Well, you know how that went, and I ended up not seeing a doctor until mid-February.

The doctor felt the lump during my breast exam, but seemed very unconcerned. She had me set up an appointment for a breast ultrasound, explaining that it felt more solid than cancerous lumps usually feel, and that the ultrasound should tell us what we need to know.

This afternoon, I went into the Cancer Center downtown (that’s intimidating!) and was ushered into a small room to change into a gown from the waist up. By the way, most unflattering gowns ever invented.

(Could I look any wider?)

In the exam room, they looked at my breasts, felt for the lump and marked it with a pen. Then they propped me up so my left breast was easily accessible, squirted it with warm gel, and put the ultrasound wand to work. The screen looked like nothing to me. I have no idea how they can tell anything from this mess:

(Yes I grabbed my camera and took that when the technician left the room for a moment.)

After the technician showed the doctor (who I never even met) the scans, she told me they were inconclusive.

“The doctor wants you to have a mammogram to get a better look.”
“Um, today?”
“Yep. I’ll get the room ready and we’ll do it right now.”

Three minutes later and I was face-to-face with a big shiny mammogram machine. Oddly, I wasn’t really nervous. I asked her how long I’d be smooshed, and she said no more than 20 seconds. That sounded tolerable. She positioned my left breast on the shelf of the machine, lowered the top plate, walked away to push a button, the machine made a noise for about five seconds, and it released my boob. When it was done, I literally asked if that was it because I didn’t believe it was that easy. She had to do another one with my breast in sideways, and that was a bit more uncomfortable, but still very tolerable. When she told me that the side scan wasn’t good enough and we’d have to do it again, I admit, I was a little annoyed. But truly, the mammogram was nothing like I expected based on horror stories I’d heard. Supposedly breast size makes a difference, but for anyone with a D-cup, I can assure you, it’s not bad! In fact, because the top plate is clear, I was more fascinated by the sight of my pancaked boob than I was worried about pain.

Anyway! The unseen doctor was shown the results of the mammogram, and when the technician returned, I was told that I’d need a biopsy. They think it’s a fibrous mass, and they want to do a biopsy to rule out anything worrisome. A biopsy yo! A mother fucking needle! IN MY BOOB! My mother, who has had myriad health problems in her 49 years, has never even had a breast biopsy. I’m 29 and next week I’m gonna have a needle in my boob. A needle that will take a piece of boob away with it! The ultrasound and the mammogram didn’t scare me. This scares me. Not to mention, for the last couple months I was pretty confident there was nothing to worry about. Just a gut feeling. Now even my gut is a little worried.

So here’s where I need advice. Part of me thinks that a lot of this is happening because I handed over an insurance card when I checked in. If I didn’t have insurance, would they have done an ultrasound AND a mammogram AND request a biopsy? Do they just assume my insurance will cover it, so run all the tests in the world. No problem! If insurance really did cover all this, I wouldn’t worry, but if you remember, I have a high-deductible plan, meaning I’m going to be paying for most, if not all, of this myself.

If I were to call and explain that and ask if this biopsy is absolutely necessary, would they tell me the truth? Should I do that? There is some history of breast cancer in my family, and that makes me not want to mess around here. But how do I determine if this is really necessary and worth the cost? Do I just trust what the doctor (who I never met!) says and get it done whatever the cost?

I’ve been watching the Olympics all week. Whenever I’m home, it’s on, even if I’m only half-paying attention. I don’t know what it is, but I always love the Olympics. I’m not into athletics at all, and I generally hate watching sporting events, but something about this venue is totally different.

It’s not about national pride either, because I usually don’t care who wins. I’m just a sucker for a great story—someone who comes from behind, someone who kicks serious ass (hey Shaun White!), even someone who tries so hard and just can’t quite make it.

A lot of people like summer Olympics much better than winter, but I get into both. Gymnastics, figure skating, track & field, downhill skiing, swimming, short track speed skating. Love it all.

Here are a few conclusions and observations I’ve made this year:

- Cross-country skiing looks like the most boring and tiring activity ever.
- Ice dancing is so bizarre as an Olympic event. A US pair dressed in honky tonk getups and danced to country music. I was so embarrassed.
- Snowboard half-pipe blows my mind.
- Shaun White blows my mind even more.
- Vancouver looks like a very cool place.
- I want to get it on with Apolo Anton Ohno.
- Olympic commentators are SO repetitive and often overly dramatic.
- The US always seems to lead in medal count. Is that just because we have so many athletes?
- The women in these games kick ASS, and it makes me so proud of my gender.

Are you guys watching?

After the whole doctor/pharmacy/prescription saga I detailed yesterday, the plan was for me to pick up my prescriptions, or at least one of them, last night and pay for it out of pocket. Because I needed it and didn’t want to wait for the HSA business to get straightened out.

Last night though, I didn’t get home until after 9:30, and I still had to shower and pack for my business trip. So I decided I’d just pick them up this morning on my way to work. I got there at 8:01 am, and there was a big sign that said the pharmacy was closed. Walgreens the convenience store was open, but the pharmacy, not so much. There was no indication of when they would open, so I accepted I wasn’t getting my prescriptions today and drove on to work.

What’s obnoxious is that the website lists the pharmacy’s hours as 8:00 am to 10:00 pm. Meaning they should technically be open at 8:01. I get that they were running a little late, no big deal, except it was just one more layer to this stupid situation.

Then to add insult to injury, I got a call soon after I got to work. An automated message from Walgreens saying, “Don’t forget to pick up your prescriptions!”

Dude, if only it were that easy.

Switching jobs can be a pain in the ass for many reasons, but the one I hate the most right now is having to switch health insurance coverage. Here’s my saga:

- I started the job in early December.
- I filled out a billion kinds of paperwork to get on the company’s insurance plan and sign up for a Health Savings Account.
- The new plan is regional and doesn’t include places near my home (I commute over an hour now), so I asked around at work to find a new doctor.
- Made an appointment for mid-January with Doctor A.

- Doctor A called to reschedule a week in advance because someone broke a foot or something. New appointment was made for mid-February.
- I told them my birth control would run out before then, so I really needed to get in sooner. They had no earlier appointments.
- I asked if I could get an advance on birth control to get me through the month. Shot down.
- So I called my old doctor’s office (Doctor B) to see if they could help.
- Doctor B, plus the two PAs that I usually saw, had left the practice. I had been assigned a new doctor (Doctor C) at some point that I had never met.
- In the meantime, back in November, I had seen Doctor D about a stomach problem. I went to her because she was closer to work than Doctor B was at the time. And I really liked her. But she didn’t prescribe me the birth control, so I couldn’t call on her for a refill.
- Finally, after some finagling (begging), Doctor C, the one I never met, agreed to give me one more refill on my birth control.

- At the beginning of February, I learned that there’s some partnership that allows me to see certain doctors near home. One of them happened to be Doctor D, the one I saw once and liked.
- I made an appointment with Doctor D for early February.
- That same day, Doctor A, who had already rescheduled once, called to reschedule again! I said forget it, cancel the appointment because I’m going to Doctor D!
- Appointment with Doctor D last Thursday was fine. She wrote me a prescription for birth control and Ambien.

- Friday I tried to pick up my prescriptions. TRIED! Keyword.
- I picked out a cute stuffed giraffe (Maury) to give The Giraffe for Valentine’s Day and brought it to the pharmacy counter with me.
- Employee Z rang me up, but just after I swiped my Health Savings Account card, I realized I couldn’t pay for Maury with the HSA.
- Employee Z said to fear not, the card would reject anything not medical-related. Except not. It totally rang up the whole order.
- I didn’t want to deal with the paperwork it would take get Maury off my account, so I asked her to void the transaction. She did.
- She rang me up again with just the prescriptions. This time it only covered $50.
- I figured the the other transaction was still pending, so it showed as money spent. No biggie, void the transaction and I’ll come back in a couple days.

-Went back on Sunday and Employee Y rang me up. Rejected. I explained the whole thing to her, but she said there was nothing she could do. I left.
- I tried to check my HSA account online when I got home, but it demanded I give it a username.
- I was never assigned a username, and I couldn’t find anything in my paperwork that described how I might find or get one.
- I called customer service, which was of course closed.

- Monday I called customer service again. She told me my username as if it was supposed to be common knowledge. Like no big deal, we never gave this to you, but YOU SHOULD KNOW IT!
- I managed to log in, and oh look, $249 available. Excellent!

- I stopped at the pharmacy Tuesday (yesterday) and tried again. Employee X rang me up.
- Card declined. I begged him to help me figure out why. He said call the bank. I said call the manager.
- Manger comes and tells me the same thing. Call the bank.
- But I charmed her with sappy kindness and a loooong explanation of my journey so far, and she said she’d take a look.
- Eventually she was able to tell me that it was one of three things: 1) No approved items were purchased [not true since it was all prescriptions], 2) No pre-authorization was available [this wasn't necessary], or 3) No funds available on card [my online account said I had plenty available].

- I need to start a new pack of birth control Friday morning, and I’ll be out of town from Thursday morning until Friday night, so things are getting dire.
- I called the HSA customer service this morning. Explained the whole story.
- The HSA employee explained that I had a ZERO BALANCE! in my account because of two transacation from last Friday. The two transaction that were voided at the pharmacy.
- She explained that it takes about 7 days for voided transactions to go through, meaning I have no access to my money until Friday or Saturday, which is too late.
- I asked her why my online account shows $250, but she sees $0.
- Oh, they’re just having a little problem with their website right now.
- Great.
- I asked how I will know when the money is back in my account (since the website clearly has no idea) because I am NOT going back to that damn pharmacy just to get shot down again damn it.
- She had no good suggestions.

I’m starting a new kind of birth control, and I don’t want to start incorrectly, so I’m just going to have to suck it up and pay for the prescription out of pocket in order to get it on time. The problem is that my new insurance is a high-deductible plan, meaning I basically have to pay for everything myself up to a certain amount. The HSA is nice because the company contributes to that, so I’m spending their money, not mine.

So when I buy this birth control on my own dime tonight, it’ll be close to $200. Just to not get pregnant.

(This is Maury, the giraffe that caused all the problems.)

I took the dive. The ad dive. As in, my blog now has ads. I didn’t make the decision right now for any particular reason, other than that it just kind of happened. I had decidedly not had ads for almost four years, and then sometime last year I decided to apply to the BlogHer Ad Network. I had noticed a lot of my favorite blogs, many that I consider to be peers in the blog world, were adding BlogHer ads to their site. I did a little research, decided it was a reputable and respectable network, and I applied.

Then I didn’t hear anything for a long time, and I kind of forgot about it. Suddenly, a couple weeks ago, I was informed that I was accepted. I filled out the paperwork and about three seconds later I was sent the code. A little help from my “webmaster” and bam. Ads.

BlogHer does a nice job though. I don’t think they look tacky or take away from the integrity of the site. And I promise they won’t take away from the integrity of my writing. I will continue to write for the same reasons, in the same manner, and at the same frequency I always have. Just in case you were concerned.

As @thatpatti so astutely said on Twitter earlier tonight:

missed a few doses of celexa this week and i’m really feeling it. sometimes i forget how much crazy it’s holding at bay.

My schedule has been all out of whack, so my morning routine of popping the peach pill, well it’s not exactly a routine anymore. I’ve been a negative nelly, everything everyone does bugs me, and tonight I started questioning everything and there I was, suddenly crying on the couch.

When I was with Brad, he used to have a hard time dealing with my negativity. I was always so negative, and little things seemed so heavy and burdensome. I was always complaining, and he, as the boyfriend, was tasked with having to lift me up. All the time. I used to get upset with him (surprise) and tell him he better just accept me as I am, I’m a complainer, deal with it, blah blah.

But now I realize I was crazy! Maybe not crazy, but there was something going on that Celexa has balanced out. I started taking it to deal with heartache after a breakup, but I’ve stayed on it because it’s never more clear how much it balances me out than when I stop taking it. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy a good complaining session, and I still get negative sometimes. But I don’t feel the weight of the world all the time, and I don’t drag my boyfriend down with me. Oh how much more enjoyable I might have been lo those many years if only I had discovered the problem sooner.

Then a night like tonight happens, and I feel just like I used to for so long. I was in between insurance coverages for awhile, and I missed a few weeks of Celexa, then once I got back on it, my routine was so thrown off that I missed several days recently. And now I can’t sleep because all I can do is feel this heaviness on my heart. A heaviness that I can’t identify or contribute to any one thing, but a heaviness that has me questioning everything and crying about it all.

I just need to get back on track. Keep the crazy at bay.

Using random.org, I selected a winner of the $20 Amazon gift card. Of the 19 commenters (two of the 21 comments were repeaters who had an addendum to their first comment, so I didn’t count those), the winner is number 3, my dear friend…

WILLIKAT!!!

Congratulations girl. I’ll email you your prize today. Thanks all for helping me celebrate four years of blogging.

If you haven’t already, don’t forget to join in celebrating four years of me blogging by entering to win a $20 Amazon gift card. Dude, you can buy whatever you want! That leopard-print camera strap you’ve been eyeing? Go for it. I’ll randomly select a winner tomorrow.

It promises to be a relaxing weekend for me, which I love because much of next week is going to be crazy busy with work stuff. The calm before the storm, as they say. Hope your weekend is lovely as well.

I’m obsessed. With a baby. A baby named Brady. I babysat last night, and he was such a sweet boy. Last time I babysat he screamed and screamed till he wore himself out and slept, but this time he ate, slept, slept some more, stirred a little, gave me a smile, and fell back asleep. I mostly stared at him and stroked his hair and baby soft skin.

I’ve also been helping my sister out with getting him to and from daycare. Andrea went back to work this week, and though my mom is providing daycare, she can’t drive. And her house is 25 minutes in the opposite direction of Ann’s work. BUT! I drive right past Mom’s exit on my way to work, so a couple times now I’ve gotten up early, swung by Ann’s to pick up Brady, and dropped him at mom’s before work. And then I usually pick him up on the way home too. It feels nice to be able to help, and the extra driving and abbreviated sleep feels like nothing because it’s all for little Brady boy.

Lord, this is gonna turn into a frickin’ auntie blog. Like a mommy blog but worse because all I’ll do is gush. And it might only get worse because I think I can now officially announce that my sister Kelli is pregnant! She had a rough first trimester, so we were keeping in on the downlow, as they say, but things look ok and she’s started spreading the word. She’ll find out in exactly two weeks if I’m getting another nephew or another niece. We’ve been calling it a girl since the first positive pregnancy test, so it would be hilarious if she’s in fact a he.

I’ll try to keep the gushing to a minimum though because until I have my own kids, y’all probably don’t give a crap. But even if you skipped over the reading of this post because baby gushing is lame, hopefully you scrolled down far enough to see these:

His little grumper face.

Smiles for Aunt Nana. And also showing off his chunkittude.

Working out some gas on his tummy.

I missed my blogiversary! It was last week on the 24th. Four years since I moved over here from LiveJournal (Lord, remember that?). I suppose it’s appropriate that I’m seeking out a fresh look for this blog right around its fourth year. Even though I had a big redesign about a year and a half ago, I’m ready for another change. I think I’ve found someone to do it, too, if all goes well.

I don’t know that I’ve ever done a giveaway here before, but suddenly as I was writing this post, I thought, “Hey, I should celebrate by giving something away!” And then suddenly I was writing about it. So I guess I’m doing a giveaway.

Let’s say a $20 Amazon gift card. Because that’s something just about anyone can use and appreciate.

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment and tell me who you are, where you blog, and how long you’ve been doing it. If you don’t blog, tell me why. I’ll pick a random winner on Sunday.