Pregnancy isn’t monumental and life-changing for everyone, y’know?

I know NOTHING about child birth. I know NOTHING about adoption. I know folks that have done both. I know those that have been adopted. And you know what? I’ve never seen one bit of difference in how children raise by biological parents vs. adopted parents are loved.

F anyone that feels the need to question your decisions. Actually – if you’re a drug addict or hoarder, you should probably listen to your loved ones if they stage an intervention but since this has nothing to do with that – don’t listen to them. Listen to your heart.

Oh and I guess you should listen to Giraffe since this is his decision too.

I give you absolute props for knowing that you want to adopt…I think wanting to adopt without having children first means your heart is enormous and in the right place.

I think there’s different rewards to each. For instance, an adoptive mother will have such a joyous experience being able to say she literally saved someone and invited them into their home, just to give them a good life. How truly amazing is that?

Birth mothers on the other hand have the joyous experience of looking at their children and seeing a combination of mother and father in their physical existence. A way to see themselves live on.

And I think each mother feels differently and loves differently. For instance, your comment: “There’s just something about carrying a child for 9 months and giving birth to it that creates a deep instinctual love.”

I thought there was something wrong with me when I wasn’t hit with a wall of love and devotion. It took me literally a minute of hearing her cry to even realize that was my kid. She remained nameless for 4 days, and although I loved her since I knew I was pregnant, it was hard. She didn’t come with a manual, I have no background with infants, and it took a lot of work to get used to. Most parents want their babies to stay babies, and I look forward to each day as she gets older. I love that we can talk and play and communicate.

I’d almost have to disagree with KT only on the one point of adoption: “but I just think that in the beginning there takes some getting used to, getting accustomed with one another (especially if the baby isn’t a newborn when you adopt).” I watched Angie adopt and I can honestly say the month or 2 it took her was far less time than me. I feel like if you plan to adopt, your mental state is already at that maturity point that you are in fact ready to have a kid, plus you put so much time, energy and planning into it, that you are way more ready to have a child than many birth mothers are. Just my two cents so I can say I contribute to your blog.

All I’m gonna say is I think you will love ANY baby or child iwth the intensity of a thousand suns. It doesn’t matter if you birth it or bring it home on an airplane (or whatever).

A lot of people asked me when I adopted Molly (my cockapoo) if I could love her as much as if I’d adopted a puppy that ONLY belonged to me.

You know what I thought? I thought they were kinda confused about love. If anything I love her MORE for what she’s survived and managed to still be a loveable and loving creature.

I know kids aren’t dogs, but it’s the closest thing I got, and man, I wish she could live forever and ever, and it doesn’t matter a BIT to me that someone else had her first. In fact, I’d do it again. And again. And again.

I think any mother who becomes a mother has some getting accustomed to. I know both adoptive mothers of infants and young toddlers, and birth mothers. Some birth mothers had a lot harder time adjusting and becoming accustomed to having a baby than the adoptive parents. Most adoptive parents have thought long and hard before choosing that route. They spent years preparing their home looking forward to that baby, that when it finally came, there was actually less getting used to having a baby around, because they wanted it for so long and looking forward to it so much! And some of these birth mothers were very much looking forward to becoming mothers as well.

The truth is becoming a mother takes some adjusting regardless of how you come to this. I think some people think of adoption as, wham bam, there’s a baby, because to the outside world, they didn’t get to prepare for nine months watching you grow and grow.. and getting used to you being a mom. But for the adoptive mother, they have spent months, even years growing and growing in non-visible ways.

Plus, adoptive parents and their children go through a honeymoon phase. They are so excited to have each other that I know in our case, during the honeymoon phase, we never felt like we were getting accustomed to having each other around. We were so smitten with one another. She moved in in July, but it was not until September until I felt a moment of overwhelmedness. Which I think every mother goes through. I’ve talked to enough mothers to know this to be the case.

Also at first, I went through a phase that I never wanted to be apart from Little Miss and she’s FIVE just like Andrea feels towards Brady!!! But when you get an infant (by utero or legally), it won’t be until they are toddlers (usually) until this feelings go away. Now I am adjusted to it, and enjoy my time away.

Will it be different if you adopt your child than if you have your own child, of course. Just like every single one of your friends handled becoming a mom differently. Some felt deprived of friendships and felt like a baby separated them from loved ones, whereas another thinks a baby brings family closer together. No two pregnancies are the same, no two adoptions are the same, It’s going to be different, not just in each women, but in each child as well. But I think people should not underestimate the ease at which becoming a family (even with a five-year-old) can be in an adoption.

That being said, it also depends on the child. Hard children are hard regardless of how you get them. It’s a lot harder to adjust to a child who cries a lot, than one that sleeps and coos. Ask any mother of a temperamental child whether they became accustomed to their child quickly, they would say no.

I even know a mother who felt guilty because she had trouble liking her baby, though she loved her, until she was six months old and stopped crying constantly. I guess what I want to say, be careful assuming you will become accustomed to having a child around, just because you’re pregnant, you might be in for a shock if you have a colicky baby…. and don’t assume it’s hard to adjust to a child just because they are five… or so. Maybe it also depends on the temperament of the motehr and father too. I know Kevin and I are both easy going relaxed people, so having an easy relaxed five year old of course came so natural. Our next child/ren will probably be a tempermental diva/male equivalant to a diva, and things won’t go as smoothly… I expect that.

Shannon, the truth is, assuming you don’t shock me and get pregnant, both you and I will be missing out on things, like being pregnant, feeling the babies reactions in utero when we talk, when our husbands talk, when their sibling talks, and many other things. But there are things pregnant women miss out on as well. Like, hearing that your child is so excited to have both a mommy and daddy. The excitement of seeing color photos of your child before you get to see them in person for the first time. The flat stomach instantly after (and before) the baby comes home. Neither is better than the other, they both have their losses. What matters is the heart behind it.

Man, I need to stop blogging on your blog.

Love you!