One year ago today Brad and I broke up. One year and my how things have changed.
I still remember that weekend so vividly. He had moved out a couple weeks before. I had only stayed at his place once; he hadn’t stayed with me at all. Clearly things were not in a good state with us, but we had promised to give this new arrangement a fair shot. That Friday we went on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend (R&J)—dinner and the premiere of The Dark Knight. In the middle of dinner I turned to him and said “Wow I haven’t kissed you in forever” (because I hadn’t seen him all week) and I kissed him. That was our last kiss. When it came time to pay for the meal, we got in a fight. Details aren’t important anymore, but it was bad enough that we didn’t talk the whole time we waited in line for the movie. Poor R&J, we probably made them so uncomfortable!
During the movie I tried to make good by giving him his favorite Sour Patch Kids flavors and resting my hand on his leg a few times. But we still didn’t talk when the movie ended or the whole drive home. We got to my place, he came in, grabbed his overnight bag, said he thought it was a good idea if he left, I agreed, and he was gone.
The next day he was supposed to go to a family function with me, but I never heard from him. And I didn’t call. I went alone and made up an excuse for his absence. That night we finally talked—a painful gchat, mostly about whether or not to break up. We didn’t. We agreed to think about it, and he’d call me the next day with an answer.
Sunday, July 20, he called and he still wasn’t sure. But at that point I had enough self-respect to know I shouldn’t be with someone who “wasn’t sure” if he wanted to be with me. I told him so. And by the end of the conversation he had he ended it.
The next four months were painful (see July 2008 to October 2008 archives), and I couldn’t comprehend how I’d ever feel better. I think I knew I would eventually, but I didn’t see how. I stopped eating, stopped laughing. I felt empty and lost and alone. But eventually I took some good advice, started seeing a counselor and got on anti-depressants. I started to feel better. Not right away, but with time.
And now, a year later, I’m happier and healthier and more confident and comfortable than I ever remember being. Do me a favor and read that sentence again because it feels pretty incredible to be able to say.
Brad and I are still in touch, though we’re not the friends I hoped we could be. We email now and then, he helps me with technology issues when I’m at my wits end, he’s still behind the scenes of this blog, we see each other on the social networking sites. But I haven’t actually talked to him or seen him since, god I don’t even know. We met up once to talk, probably in November? But that was it.
For awhile I clung to the idea that he and I could reconcile. We both said that if, in at least a year, we were both in a place where we might be interested, we could maybe see. Just see.
It’s a year later, and neither of us is anywhere near being in that place. He’s happy with what he has going on, and I’ve found a happy life and an incredible guy. The Giraffe loves me so thoroughly, and I him, and we are both fully willing to do the work it takes to make this thing long-lasting. I never could have predicted a year after this, I’d be here, in this place.
But I sure am happy about it.
YAY! I’m so very, very happy for you. And for the Giraffe. You deserve happiness.
I’m so happy for you. I was so heart wrenching to know you were going through and to see you go through such a hard time. Though you were hurting, you always knew that it would get better…someday. You’re amazing that way and I’m so glad to see you ahppy again.
I can’t believe it’s been a year already. It was rough going for a while but I’m so happy for you now. At the time it didn’t feel like it, but now it is SO much better to be with someone who’s in it with you 100%. Wishing you all the best!!!
I’m happy about it too! I wish you could have pictured this last year. We did try to tell you.
Of course, you’re in this place because you went through all that other stuff.
You’re right Anna, you all so told me! I tried to listen, but that constant pit in my stomach and the sobs caught in my throat were louder. I’m glad you were right though.
I hope it’s ok that I’m posting this here, but I just wanted to follow up Shannon’s update with my comments. For me, it has been a very short year. I can not believe it has been a year already since all of that happened. I guess being summer again, it feels like yesterday.
I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. And if that had to happen for Shannon and I to be happy, it was worth it. I am so glad that Shannon has found the place where she is now. I never wanted anything but the best for her, and that was a major reason for the break up in the first place. I knew I couldn’t give her what she needed, and I’m very happy that she’s found someone who can.
I’m also glad we have a good relationship still after everything that happened. I never wanted Shannon to go through what she did, and I’m fortunate that she thinks highly enough of me to remain friends. The years we spent together will always be precious to me, and I look back on them with nothing but fondness. Shannon’s family is still also very precious to me, and it is unfortunate that we will not be able to continue the great relationship we had. However, I look forward to remaining friends with some of the best people I’ve ever met.
A lot can happen and change in a year, and luckily things changed for the best. Thanks to everyone who supported Shannon, and I’ll see you at times around here at doahleigh.
I’m glad that you’re both able to look back on your time together with fondness. Whatever happens and however the relationship ends, it was still a part of your history, and made you a part of who you are today. Shannon, you should be very proud of how you’ve spent your last year, and the person you’ve become.
Yay!
Yay!
So, so, so SO happy for you, internet twin! I’m so glad that you’re happy and healthy, confident and have that sparkle back.
I knew you could do it! And I’m glad that it’s better than ever.
I’m so happy for you Shan! Life has a funny way of happening. Doesn’t it?
This post makes me oh-so-happy.
This is an awesome case study for all broken-hearted people. Should be required post-break-up reading.
Is it awful that my first thought was, “wow – I’ve been reading Shannon’s blog for over a year?”
I am happy to read that you’re in a great place right now!
Not at all. Whenever a blogger gives some sort of reference like that, I’m always amazed at how long I’ve been reading them.
YAY! I am so very happy for you…and Giraffe.
You both deserve the best of everything. Congrats, my friend.
I too thought right away – whoa, it’s been a year already?! Time flies. I’m so glad you are at a wonderful place in your life. And it really shows how mature you (and Brad) are. You say respectful things about each other, which is great. That’s what being a grown up is all about. However, funnily enough, not enough grown ups act as grown up as you two.
Best to you always!