When the Giraffe and I were at dinner the other night, one of the servers said hi to him by name. He said hi back, sans name. He recognized her and easily figured out where he knew her from, but he had no idea what her name was. He explained to me that this happens to him a lot—people remember him and his name easily while he struggles to remember them or theirs. I suggested that it’s because he’s notably tall and has a really common name, so he’s easy to remember. Why does he struggle to remember other people though? Well that’s just because he’s a jerk I guess.*
I, however, have precisely the opposite problem. I tend to remember everyone, yet I’m completely forgettable. It can actually be really embarrassing. This scenario happens all too often:
Person I Know: Sam, have you met my friend Shannon?
Sam: No I haven’t. Nice to meet you Shannon.
Shannon: Actually, we met before at…
Or this:
Person I Know: Sam, have you met my friend Shannon?
Sam: No I haven’t. Nice to meet you Shannon.
Shannon (knowing full well we’ve met before): Nice to meet you too.
I never know which is better. Lie and pretend like I’ve never seen this person before in my life. Or be honest and put them on the spot. Like, dude, you have met me before you idiot. Thanks for remembering. I can see what an impact our meeting had on you. Asshole.
If I do go with the call-them-out option, I end up feeling stalkerish. Why do I remember all the details of our prior meeting when clearly they have no recollection of it? I find myself choosing to play dumb just to avoid sounding like our casual introduction two years ago had some profound affect on me. Yes we met. And not only do I remember your name, but I remember what you were wearing that day. And what you smelled like. And how you wore your hair. And I haven’t stopped thinking about you since. Creepy!
(I don’t really remember all those details in case you’re starting to think I’m a savant or something.)
I know this happens to a lot of people. It’s not just me I’m sure. So which approach do you choose?
*He’s not.
The dude forgets people’s names. And people–especially from college–forget me. I hate being reintroduced. Depending on how assholic I think the person is, I’ll choose my response. If they seem like the kind of people that expect to be remember I always play dumb.
I remember people more often than I’m remembered. I usually try to fall somewhere in the middle of your two scenarios.
Person I Know: Sam, have you met my friend Lindsay?
Sam: No I haven’t. Nice to meet you Lindsay.
Lindsay: Nice to meet you, too. Actually, you seem kind of familiar.
Person I Know: Oh really? I wonder where from..?
Lindsay: Hmm.. I wonder if it was at [insert vague description of event at which I met said person, which I completely remember every detail of, and silently pray they validate my memory]
I’m actually a lot worse with names than Giraffe, in that I can know where I know someone, but totally not know their name. I was friends with a girl named Nichole for about two years. I talked to her on a daily basis, we shared inside jokes, secrets, we knew each other well. Still today, I could tell you what her boyfriend looked like, what her favorite animal was, her hobbies, but one day we were in a math class and I had to write everyone in my group’s names down. I got to hers, and I couldn’t remember. She goes, “Did you seriously forget my name!” I laughed it off, and saw her name on her paper. I pretended like I was kidding, but I’m not sure what she really thought. I do this other times as well. Like I’ve spent considerable time with the kids grandparents, but I have to think really hard to remember their names. I have known them for almost six years.
Also, there is a guy in some of my classes, that I always sit next to and talk to. The other day, I was going to write him a quick note to ask him how his summer was and if he was looking forward to our class together. The funny thing is, I had to look through my address book to find him. I wanted to just type his name in, but I couldn’t remember it. I’ve known him for over a year. Right now as I’m writing this I can’t remember his name again! But I could tell you a lot of other things about him, few other people probably know. Ahh, I just remembered it.
My lack of remembering names probably is a lot do why I have to study so hard at school. I can remember concepts, but names of people, places, things, just do not connect. What’s really odd is I can remember birthdays after only hearing them once or twice. I have to hear it though, if I see it, it doesn’t work.
hmm, um, i cant even remember the names of folks I went to highschool with. NOT kidding. Im pretty bad ppls names that Ive met long ago. Im surprised I remember to call my grandmother: grandma!
I like calling people out…then making a joke like “yeah, you must have been REALLY drunk”…hopefully getting a laugh from my pathetic attempt at a joke…and then moving on.
Maybe the person who I call out thinks I’m a tool…but there’s a good chance I think they’re a tool too for forgetting someone as unforgettable as me! (hehe, mostly kidding)
Just yesterday, a person who works in my office (who has been here probably 3-4 years, while I’ve been here five years) called me by the wrong name. I’m forgettable in my own office – and it’s not even that big. It made me feel pretty bad yesterday.
This happens to me a lot. People call me by the wrong name, or they don’t remember me, but I’m like you (or at least I used to be). I remember nearly everyone – even people I haven’t officially met.
If I’ve met someone once, I’m happy to reintroduce myself. But, if I’ve met you three or four times in the past year, I expect a little recognition and I’ll say flat out, “Oh yeah, we met [here] [here] and [here]. Nice to see you again.”
I’m terrible with names. Terrible. Terrible. I should throw several more “Terrible.” phrases in here, but you’ll just think I’m exaggerating. I’m really just that bad.
I’ve been known to delete phone numbers out of my cell phone because I can’t figure out who I know by that name. I will then remember days later and have to ask them for their phone number again.
Terrible.
Last year I took a lit class and the professor who taught it was someone who interviewed me for a job in the English department years ago. During the first class she was going through the syllabus when she looked at me, stopped mid-sentence and said, “You’re Heather, aren’t you?” I nodded and she said, “I just knew you were Heather even though we have never met.” I didn’t correct her in front of the class, but just before we left that night I did tell her that we had indeed met before when I interviewed for the job.
I have no problem correcting people who think we’ve never met before when we actually have. I like to think it says that I pay attention and have a good memory.
In this instant, I feel for Mr Giraffe. I’m currently working at the theatre that my husband worked at last summer, and I came to visit on several occasions while he was here. As a result, on my first day of work it seemed like everyone remembered my name and who I was, while I couldn’t even remember meeting them at all. I had to use a lot of “HEY, you!” to convince them that I wasn’t a thoughtless asshole.
I, like you, tend to remember everyone. As time goes on, I tend to forget their names, but not their faces. Eventually, the name does comes to me.
My Friend is absolutely horrible with names. To the point where, when I’m talking about someone that I have talked about a million times and My Friend is like, “Now which one is that again?” I get terribly annoyed and snippy. Even when My Friend has met the person that I’m referring to, he still is unsure. My Friend is extremely detailed and observant about everything else, so I extend a little forgiveness in regard to the name thing. I figure that it is one of those things you are either good at or not and everyone is different.
I understand your feeling a little stalker-ish for remembering but I have a friend who finds herself in your situation a lot and she ALWAYS calls people out. I love it! It generally ends up that the other person looks and feels like a douche. It’s always priceless.
Dude, I’m in the same spot as you (and my good friend A., who I consider unforgettable.) I always call people out, or almost always. I usually remind them where we met, as nicely as possible, and then watch them squirm.