What a week. First the emotinal crap. Then Wednesday night was a big barf fest until about 3 am. My stomach still hasn’t fully recovered. I have no idea what it was. I’ve had food poisoning and it wasn’t quite like that. I’ve had a stomach virus and it wasn’t quite like that either. I guess just an upset stomach. But usually those eventually go away with no ongoing barfing required. Barfing equals not fun. Ever.

This weekend will be a busy one, yet again. I can’t seem to get life to slow down at all. I just hope my brain and my stomach cooperate all weekend. I don’t need another break down nor another barf fest right now.

*Did you guys see that scene in 30 Rock where Jenna is being Janet Joppler (fake Janis Joplin) and she sings, “Synonym’s just another word for the word you want to use” to the tune of “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” Did anyone else find that hilarious?

Things just don’t feel right with me. My mood swings so quickly and so greatly, I’m not sure what to make of it. Everytime I’m in an upswing, I think oh good, I’m fine, no need for concern. And when I swing down, I think, I should call the doctor and ask about this Celexa thing. But then I’m too moody and overwhelmed to do anything about it. And so it goes.

Finally yesterday I had to call my doctor for a prescription refill (on something else), and I decided I’d leave a message to have someone call me about the Celexa issue. Well, turns out the person I want to talk to is no longer working at that office. And without her there, I didn’t know who to talk to.

[Long explanation of why I didn't know who to talk to: My official doctor is Dr. B, but I've never actually met her. I've only ever gone to the doctor's office for two reasons - annual exam and anxiety/depression. For the former I've always had Erin, a PA, who is great. For the latter I saw "young hot male doctor" because he was the only one available on short notice. So technically he prescribed the Celexa, but I don't feel comfortable talking to him the way I do Erin. So Erin apparently left the practice, I've never talked to or met Dr. B, and I don't feel comfortable talking to young hot male doctor.]

So I didn’t leave a message at all. I was feeling fine when I called and didn’t think it was a big deal. But last night I cried myself to sleep. Why? No idea. I laid in bed and felt sad, overwhelmed, confused, unhappy, and I cried. I guess I had been thinking about some stuff, life stuff, but it’s stuff that normally wouldn’t elicit that kind of emotional reaction.

And this morning I thought, that’s enough. I haven’t wanted to get back on Celexa because I’m not depressed, I’m just not in control of my emotions. I should be able to get this under control without medicine, I thought. But do you remember awhile ago, a couple months ago, when I was so happy? I was genuninely happy, energized and hopeful. I felt good. I miss that. I’m not depressed like I was for several months after the break up, but I’m not happy like I was for a couple months after that either.

I started Celexa because of circumstantial depression. Broken heart = depression = Celexa. So I thought when I had worked through all that, I was no longer in need of an anti-depressant. But maybe it’s more than circumstantial. Maybe in order to stabilize my mood, in order to feel happy and hopeful, I need this.

So I started the Celexa again this morning. I know I should talk to a doctor before going off and on drugs, but I don’t want to wait to figure out who I should talk to at that office. I don’t want to have to explain myself to a stranger. My dose is pretty low, and it helped so much last time. And this time, if I think I’m ready to stop taking it again, I’ll talk to a doctor first.

Am I being really stupid?

The other day I watched a very able-bodied young college student go out of his way to hit the “open door” button - the one that is meant for those in wheelchairs or on crutches or what have you – while leaving a building. Then I saw him do the same thing when he entered another building a moment later. He seriously walked a few steps out of his way, then waited while the door opened, and walked through. Instead of just pushing or pulling the doors open with his own hands. Which were both free and empty.

What was that all about?

Cheers lads and mollies! Top o’ the mornin’ to ya! What’s the story?

Oh I’m sorry, did I not mention that I’m going to Ireland in five weeks? And that’s why I’m talking like the feckin’ Irish*? Has nothing to do with the fact that St. Patrick’s day just occurred. I really am. I’m going to Ireland!

I missed out on studying abroad as an undergraduate, which I’ve always regretted, and so I was determined to find a way to do it as a graduate student. Two weeks in Ireland on a faculty-led group trip isn’t quite the same as living in another country for a semester or two. But I’m thrilled anyway because a) I’m going to Ireland, b) it’s affordable, c) I get three credits for spending two weeks romping around Dublin and Galway and the Cliffs of Moher and several other amazing places, and d) I’m going to feckin’ Ireland!

I’m almost done with my degree, and even though I’m taking six summer credits, I’ll be walking at graduation in April. And the very next day I’ll be on a plane over the Atlantic. I’m spending exactly two weeks there, and while it’s facutly-led and technically a class, there is a lot of time built in for sight-seeing and fun and getting involved in Irish culture (hello pubs!). I’ll be traveling with a small group, six other students from a variety of academic programs. It’s actually a social work course though, so I’ll be visiting a lot of social service agencies, which is really appealing for me. Who knows, maybe I’ll find a great job with an Irish agency while I’m over there. I’d be okay with that.

The professor is taking care of all the travel, trasportation and lodging arrangements, which is kind of relief. But I don’t want to follow along blindly the whole time. So what do you know about Ireland? Ever been there? Do I have any readers from/in Ireland by any chance? What should I do, what should I know, what should I see, where should I go?

*I had to look up that Irish slang and it’s probably all wrong. I am such a faker.

Ok so. I just spilled my lunch before I even took a bite. Not only did I not have a lunch, but I also made a big fucking mess.

Who knew those Campbell’s microwave-able bowls could hold so much tomato soup? I certainly didn’t realize it until the entire contents of one was splashed on the floor and on the fridge and on the counter, and yes, even under the fridge too.

Oh and then don’t you just love when you’re crouched over, trying to contort yourself to squeeze in between the counter and the refrigerator to clean up tomato soup, and everyone in the whole office decides to walk into the break room? And they can’t just quietly go about their business. No, there’s tomato soup all over the place and there’s a woman doing yoga in an attempt to clean it up. That must be commented on! Oh Shannon, what did you do? Oh no, what happened? Blah blah blah shut your face please.

I spent my whole lunch cleaning up a gallon of thick soup, most of which found its way under the heavy refrigerator which had to be moved. Luckily I had poptarts in my desk. But poptarts? When you’re craving tomato soup and Ritz crackers? Really not the same.

Usually I like to relax as much as possible on the weekends. So last week, when I knew the upcoming weekend was going to be busy, I was kind of bummed. Not bummed I guess, because some of my plans were intended to be fun, but just… wishing it didn’t all fall in the same weekend. It ended up being rather enjoyable though.

Friday
After work, the Giraffe and I went to my dad’s and hung out with my little brother while my dad took Des (his wife, my “step-mom”) out for her birthday. Little bro is a riot, so we had a good time.

Saturday
I had a 1-credit class from 9 to 6, which I was heavily dreading, but it was thankfully not so horrible. I even managed to talk myself and a friend out of the class around 3. We then managed to get ourselves (for free) into the Women’s Expo that was going on downtown. And it was such a lovely day that I was thrilled to be able to walk around the city. After the Expo, where we met up with another friend, the three of us walked to a little tavern for dinner. Post-food, we strolled back to our cars – it’s so nice to stroll when your nose isn’t freezing off! That night I chilled with the Giraffe for a few hours.

Sunday
This was supposed to be the day I deep-cleaned my G&G’s condo (where I”m staying – they get home this week!), but it was too amazingly gorgeous to be inside all day. A little cleaning got done in the morning, but then I had lunch with the Giraffe, his dad and his brother. And after lunch, I just couldn’t go home, I needed to be outside. So the Giraffe and I went miniature golfing!

The last time I mini-golfed (at that exact location even) was only a few weeks after Brad and I broke up. Robin and her boyfriend took me to get me out of the house, and I remember feeling shrouded in sadness, but trying to muster as much enjoyment as I could. I laughed and smiled, but it felt so forced. This time, I had so much fun. Geuine fun. It’s amazing how much has changed in seven months. After putt-putt, we decided to sit outside and read, and then I fell asleep. Then, finally, FINALLY I got around to cleaning. The Giraffe offered to help, and he is one bad-ass cleaner. So much better than me! In fact, he’s such an efficient cleaner that we had that place glimmering with enough time left over to make a frozen pizza and watch a movie.

I have pictures that would help make this weekend recap much more interesting, but I never have time to sit down and get them off my camera. So just use your imagination I guess. See, there’s me sitting on a fake rock surrounded by fake green turf, holding a small putter and a bright green golf ball. Maybe I’ll post that photo later and see how accurate your imaginations are.

1. At a lunch meeting yesterday, a lady dropped a new plastic plate on the ground. The bottom of the plate touched the ground for 0.5 seconds, but she picked it up and threw it away. And used a different one. How wasteful.

2. Someone, in a professional email, wrote “prolly” instead of “probably.” She also wrote “are” in the place of “our.”

3. I set up an appointment for yesterday with someone weeks ago. When I called in the morning to confirm, I found out she is on vacation all week. Lovely.

4. My eyeball freaked out again. The Monster Eye keeps coming back, and it’s really becoming a problem.

5. People acted like assholes. As usual.

And so that I’m not entirely negative, here’s one not-annoying thing that happened recently:

1. The Giraffe made me some delicious roasted chicken and potatoes with radishes (which we recently (and accidentally) discovered are quite good when cooked!). I feel so spoiled.

I really want to go to BlogHer in July (it’s the 24th and 25th). But I’m kind of not sure, so I need your help.

First of all I want to know if you’re going. Or if you’re thinking about going. Also, when are you going, how long are you staying, and do already have roommates?

Here is my situation…

This is the first year it is really feasible for me to attend. It’s in Chicago, so I don’t have to pay airfare to get there. I’m a student, so I can pay the student rate. And I now feel like I actually have a solid blog network and that I’m worthy to attend without feeling like a fraud. So I want to go, it makes sense for me to go, and I can afford to go. BUT!

There are complications. I’m just having a little trouble coordinating some things that will allow my experience to be as enjoyable as possible. It’s too complicated to explain here, but just know that hearing about which of my wonderful blog friends and readers are going to Blogher will help me tremendously. Even if you’re just kind of thinking about going but you’re not sure, that’s helpful.

So are you going? Huh huh? Are you going to BlogHer?

Ugh. I’ve been such a brat lately. I’ve been very snappish, especially to those I spend a lot of time with. What? You have an opinion? *snap snap* Oh you were just trying to be helpful huh? *snap! snap!* Oh now you’re just going to say nothing? That’s just great. *SNAP!!* I’d like to take this time to apologize if I have snapped at you in the last few days. I’m going to pull the female card and blame it on PMS.

On my second attempt at taking my BC continuously, I made it through seven weeks before my body insisted on having a period. So even though I don’t normally get really bad PMS symptoms, I’m gonna say that’s why I’m so snappish recently. I’m also blaming PMS for my insatiable appetite of late. I can never seem to get full!

Let’s see, what else can I blame on my period? I slept terribly last night and feel completely drained today. Period’s fault! My contact popped out of my eye in the middle of lunch this afternoon. Period’s fault! I have to go back to class today after a week off. Period’s fault! I couldn’t figure out where the granola was stocked at the grocery store the other day, and after a few laps through the aisles, I started crying. That was definitely my period’s fault.

I’m so over the whole menstruation thing. I’ve tolerated it for years, and I even tried to embrace it. Now I just want it to go away for awhile, and it’s totally being an intrusive jerk instead. Maybe if I blame all the bad things on my period this week, it’ll take a hint and leave me alone until I’m ready to be friends again.

So if anything goes wrong for you this week, please feel free to blame it on my period.

This week is spring break for me at school, and I’ve been having so much fun NOT going to class and doing homework that I forgot I had a blog! What have I been up to you ask?

- Friday night I drove to visit my friend Jess. We had dinner, then stayed up late talking in pajamas. I left her house Saturday afternoon.

- Saturday night I visited my friend Erica and we stayed up late discussing important wedding plans.

- Sunday the Giraffe and I hung out, and later Robin came over. She and I talked while the Giraffe made some delicious dip for our book club (which he has joined). That night my book club crew came over and we discussed two books because we had missed last month’s meeting.

- Monday I had dinner with Erica and we did a little more wedding planning.

- Tuesday the Giraffe and I cuddled up and watched a movie.

And what do I have planned for the rest of spring break you wonder?

- Tonight we’re having dinner at the Giraffe’s mom’s house.

- Tomorrow night I’ll be watching reruns of the Office (we’ve been watching all the past seasons, just for fun) and then catching the newest Office and 30 Rock episodes (they’re not reruns again are they?).

- Friday is going to be a date night with a delicious home-cooked meal (I’m sure you’ve guessed I won’t be the one cooking).

- Saturday I’m going wedding dress shopping with Robin, then we’re double-dating that night for dinner.

- Sunday the Giraffe and I are going ice skating, having dinner and hanging out with my sisters and their significant others.

Seriously, I need to not have class all the time. This is fun!