It keeps getting worse
Everything fell apart last night. Again. Everything is so much worse. I thought I was on my way to being better, but I’m back where I started. I thought I had already hit rock bottom, but this feels lower.
My whole body is consumed with this. I want to crawl into bed and not wake up until this is over. I want to not be me, not be here, not be this anymore. I want to take back everything I ever gave him. I want to hate him. But I can’t. I can’t do any of that.
I don’t even know what else to say. I can’t believe I’m here again. At the bottom.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:56 am
The sun will start to shine for you soon. I know it’s tough to hear, but hang in there. You’ll soon tire of feeling so low, and things will start to click again…Sending you hugs!!!
August 5th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
is there something that really makes you happy? playing dr. mario or reading or swinging on a swing set or watching a particular movie? anything? i know it’s really hard to break out of such a bad funk, but there must be something to distract you. Sometimes i need to just be around someone else, or go shopping, or watch 16 candles or something. it may not make me “happy” but it at least distracts me long enough to momentarily forget what i’m consumed with. you’ve tried crying and letting things out, maybe you need to fake it for a while. fake being happy - watch an episode of friends and laugh out loud, on purpose if you need to. start a work-out plan…i’ve noticed that i’m too consumed with hating what i’m doing to think about other things. sometimes just being out in public is enough, too. i hope you feel better…HUGS!
August 5th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
It’s okay about Saturday. I would have been surprised to see you there. You come out when you’re ready. And when you are I will challenge you to Dr. Mario. And I am thinking of trying to have another dinner party on the 17th.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I’m a fixer, so I have to ask, you get to see the doctor soon, yeah? And also, therapy is my BFF.
August 5th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Yes. Therapy rocks. Highly, highly recommended always, but esp. at a time like this. I promise it will get better, but right now you need to scrounge up every single resource available to you.
August 5th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Hey, if you feel like a good distraction, I’ve been wanting to see Sisterhood of the traveling Pants II, What happens in Vegas, and the Sex in the city Movie. If any of those sound good, give me a call. I prefer the $3.50 movie theater, but willing to go to otheres.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
I also highly recommend the therapy. And everything Angie said. Whatever you need to do, love.
August 6th, 2008 at 1:00 am
I concur - maybe it’s time to talk someone.
I’ll continue to send you lots of happy, healthy vibes via the interweb, my dear. Take care of you.
August 6th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Definately talking to a professional helps. Take care, and if you need anything, just let me know!