doahleigh - Holy Waste of Teabags!

Wednesday was a perfect summer day in Michigan, so in the afternoon I decided to check out the Riverwalk downtown. It’s about a two-mile trek, but it took me almost two hours because I was taking pictures and checking things out and stopping to sit in the sun along the way. It was lovely.

But when I was about an eighth of a mile from finishing the loop I was suddenly attacked by a bird. A mother fucking little piece of shit bird. It was one of those little red-winged black birds that I used to think were pretty.

The first time it dive-bombed my head, I wasn’t sure what was happening, so I brushed my hair with my hand and kept walking. But the bird kept loudly squawking above me and flapping around like crazy. Then it came down and hit my head full force! This time I screamed like Carrie Bradshaw and started running. The guy walking 15 yards ahead looked at me like I was a maniac, and when I explained that the bird was attacking me (while running at him and violently shaking my head and arms), he was unmoved and just kept walking. Meanwhile the little bird bastard was still squawking and flapping above me. He didn’t come at me again, but he didn’t chill out until I was well out of his zone.

Wikipedia explains:

The Red-Winged Blackbird can be very aggressive while defending its territory. It will attack much larger birds, such as crows, ravens, magpies, hawks, and osprey if they enter.

Uh yeah. What the hell dude, I’m not an osprey. And the Riverwalk is not your territory. You can totally live there, but I wasn’t trying to move in on you. I was just trying to walk through. Back off.

Also, apparently this bird is an omnivore:

It feeds primarily on plant materials, including seeds from weeds and waste grain such as corn and rice, but about a quarter of its diet consists of insects and other small animals.

I think to that they might want to add “human head” to the list.

I used to scoff at people who had a fear of birds. They always explained that they thought the birds were going to attack their head. Haha yeah right, how silly. Birds don’t do that. But now I know.

YES THEY DO!