It’s good to be average
Last night I was walking around the mall with my sisters and mom—we had been visiting my youngest sister who works at Macy’s, then hit the food court when her shift was over. Walking down the main corridor of the mall, some guy looked my sisters (only two of the three were there) up and down and said “Hey” in the most disgusting way possible. Andrea ignored him completely, and Kelli said a bored “Hi” back, and we all kept walking.
Essentially the encounter was harmless, and maybe it’s just because I don’t like nasty guys hitting on my baby sister, but I was really bothered by the exchange. I kept saying, “Gross, do guys do that to you a lot? How do you stand it?” I can’t imagine walking around and being ogled all the time. How uncomfortable.
Now I consider myself decently attractive, and even if you disagree, I’m still pretty okay with the way I look. But I’m not what you’d call “hot.” My sisters are.
I remember when Andrea and I were working and living together at Yellowstone - we’d walk into the cafeteria, and very subtley, everyone (or so it seemed) would watch her. Guys and girls. Some were checking her out, some were just noticing her, but either way it made her so uncomfortable. She didn’t like the attention and would get anxious, walk quickly through the room, eat fast and get out. One of the first times, when it was still a room full of strangers, we walked in and she looked at me anxiously and said, “I just want to leave.”
Emily hosts karaoke, and every time I go to support her (because I sure as hell don’t go to participate!) I hear drunk guys yelling disgusting things at her that they, apparently, think are compliments. And now I see that even Kelli, my baby sister, is being checked out in a disgusting, demeaning way by complete strangers who find nothing wrong with letting their eyes blatantly wander up and down a girl’s body.
I don’t get that kind of attention, and I thank god for it. I’m realizing more and more how blessed I am to be sort of average. I don’t draw attention for being “ugly” nor for being “hot,” and I’m actually quite relieved and happy about that.
There was an episode of King of Queens where Carrie suddenly feels unattractive because the men at a construction site don’t whistle and cat-call at her when she walks by. So her husband pays off the guys to demean and objectify her with lewd comments so she can feel better about herself. For the show, it’s just supposed to be comedy, but I know women in real life who feel that way. Like if they don’t get the attention of men, even the cat-call kind, then they feel ugly and unworthy. There is so much wrong with that, I won’t even go into it.
But I hope that my sisters aren’t those kind of women, I hope they feel confident in themselves despite their looks and what men think about them. The fact that all the attention makes Andrea uncomfortable, and the fact that all of them basically ignore that kind of attention instead of smiling and giggling and flirting back is a good sign at least.
Maybe I, as the oldest sister, am not as hot because it leaves me free to kick the asses of the jerks who look at or talk to my sisters the wrong way. The guys aren’t paying attention to me while they’re checking out the other three, so I can quietly come in from the side and roundhouse kick ‘em all in the face.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
i agree, whole heartedly. i consider myself rather average as well, and if i ever get disturbing glances or unwanted comments tossed my way (which is rare), it makes my skin crawl. i want to run away and hide. i am certainly not prejudice, but i have noticed a trend in any men that ogle me - they are all of the same persuasion. it’s disgusting enough that i purposely walk across the street or in a different direction when i see men fitting the usual m.o. it’s sad that some men can be such pigs.
and for the record, i don’t think you’re average…from the pics i’ve seen, i think you are totally girl-next-door super-cute!
April 11th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I’ve heard it one too many times. I really don’t understand how people making those types of comments think. Do they really think someone is going to respond with, “Hey, I think you’re might hot too! Let’s get it on.” or something? In what world is it becoming to do that?
Molly, Carrie and I went for a walk on the bike path the other day and load full of boys (I’m sure they were boys still) drove by whistling and making remarks. The worst part about it…they were both pushing baby strollers. I mean, hello! Baby strollers people! They are both married and pushing strollers. Is that sexy or something?
April 11th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
the one that cracks me up is the midwinter catcall. i mean, can you even really SEE anything past the hat, mittens, and bulky winter coat? i don’t really get much of that kind of attention either, and i agree–i don’t miss it! i giggled out loud at your roundhouse kick. i would love to see that!
April 11th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Oh god, I used to get all that crap when I was YOUNG - like 12-13 but now men are more respectful. I don’t know why but I’m glad. FFS.
April 11th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
i used to hate it, hate it hate it hate it … so freaky uncomfortable and started when i was quite young. there was a point in my life where i couldn’t walk down the street without getting hit on and it was really hard and made me feel insecure somehow. at 39 i am now pretty average … people are still freaked out when they find out my age but for the most part i look like an average late twenty something and i love the lack of attention, it completely rocks and not having the freaks come out doesn’t make me insecure at all rather i have never felt better about living my life …
April 11th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
When I was 13 or 14, my friends and I used to dress up in our “daisy duke” short shorts and a vest with nothing underneath and go walking down the highway, counting how many honks and whistles we received from guys driving by. I am so mortified by this now!!
April 12th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I’m right there with ya. Never been a traffic -stopper myself.
You’re a great big sis.
April 13th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I have a friend who does kick-boxing. I can call him if you want. Clearly this situation requires some intervention.
But seriously, I know that feeling of wanting people to look/admire, and at the same time NOT wanting people to look because I don’t want to stand out. It’s weird–as weird as strangers thinking they have some license to comment on something so personal as appearance.
April 13th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
On behalf of the male race, I apologize. I have never cat-called, nor will I ever, and I have never been friends with any guys whom have ever done that (to my knowledge). Unfortunately, they do exist.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I catch myself ogling, but I try really hard not to. When there are beautiful women around, it takes a lot of effort. Beautiful girls just naturally catch the eye. It has to be biological/evolution driven. I’m not sure how, but I swear I have a radar/spider-sense that alerts me. I apologize, but honestly… it’s hard not to (hopefully covertly) catch a look.
The skeezy (sp?) pick up attempts and cat-calls need to go the way of the dodo however.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
And this is why I want to learn self-defense. It amazes me that some dudes stare and say creepy things thinking its going to get them somewhere.
I’m also usually convinced that all creeps are potential rapists and serial killers.