Warning: may allude to topics with which you are uncomfortable or don’t want to know about
I’m supposed to be going to this Passion Party tonight. I’m guessing it’s kind of like the popular Pure Romance parties that women like to have. It’s with a fun group of people so it should be a good time, but the problem is that me and parties that specialize in sex products do not get along.
My first Pure Romance party was highly anticipated. I had heard about these parties that sell vibrators and lubricants, and I definitely wanted to be in on that. So when my sister decided to host one, I was eager to attend. I ended up buying about $70 in products, most of which have never been used. One of them, I quickly realized, though it smells and tastes like green apple, is too sticky to use. Another turned out to be effective but inconvenient. I do actually use one product, but only to spray on my chest when my boobs are sweaty in the summer. Hot, I know.
The last product I bought, the most expensive one, was a certain… tool if you will. The consultant raved about it, and my sisters convinced me it was a hundred times better than the current “tool” I owned, so I bought it. As soon as I got it home and turned it on (yes it’s the kind of tool that requires batteries), I discovered it made an unbearable buzzing sound. Not the normal whirring that these tools are supposed to make, but a high-pitched motorized sound. Kind of like a child’s remote control car. There’s no hiding its use from anyone within fifty feet of you. When I’m in the mood to use such a tool, the last thing I want is to conjure up thoughts of children’s toys. It was definitely not going to work for me.
But Pure Romance has a no return policy on such items, which I suppose makes sense, but this tool never even came near any regions that might render it “unclean” or non-refundable. So it sits in my room, in the plastic wrapping, in the original bag it came in. Fifty bucks well spent I’d say.
My next Pure Romance party was a couple weeks ago. Again, it was fun, but this time I was smart and didn’t buy anything. I think a party that’s supposed to celebrate women’s sexuality is a great idea, but when they pass around rubbery tubes that look like a woman’s mouth and nose (um, for men to use in case you didn’t get that) and play a game called “Tic Tac Toe, Give Me a Prize You Skanky Ho” it doesn’t feel very woman-friendly.
I’m not sure how Passion Parties differ from Pure Romance, but I don’t think I want to spend my money on any more products or tools that will go to waste. I should go anyway, for the social aspect, and just pretend like I’m a virgin and don’t condone sins of the flesh. Or something. But there’s so much pressure to buy something, anything, so the hostess doesn’t feel like she made that plate of cheese and crackers for nothing.
March 14th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I’ve never been to one of these parties, but I can’t believe there’s a “Skanky Ho” game. Sometimes I’m just so naive about other women’s behavior. Besides, I do all my “tool” shopping online; it arrives in a plain brown wrapper like Mother Nature intended. I was going to link to my favorite site, but the “adult content” is actually restricted at the office. Go figure. Anyway I find the reviews at Babeland reliable.
March 14th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
My fave also makes a distinct buzzing sound. I can usually drown that out with sounds of a vent, a fan or the TV. It’s worth it.
March 14th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I’ve never been to one of these parties, but this post reminded me of my bachelorette party, how my co-workers at the time made me spend $200 in a porn shop on “stuff.” All that stuff, most of which is still in its original unopened packaging, makes me laugh, because really? Do I need a leather-bound faux rabbit fur whip? Or anal beads? What the hell do I do with those anyway? I don’t think I want to know the answer.
Read all about it here, if you dare: http://onenjenifer.blogspot.com/2006/05/sex-type-things.html
March 14th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I’m apparently totally out of the loop and old fashioned. I own no tools or toys or tasty liquids. Maybe I’m weird. Those things just make me uncomfortable all together. (Not to mention, I’m allergic to most liquidy stuff anyway.)
Just going, though, sounds incredibly fun. Even if it’s just to laugh and tee-hee about stuff.
March 14th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I don’t think I could buy stuff like that in a tupperware party situation. Too public! But I imagine it would be really fun.
March 14th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Tic Tac Toe, Give Me a Prize You Skanky Ho
LOLOLOL
Somehow, someway I am going to incorporate this into my blog! Just wait.
March 15th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I can’t wait to hear how it goes!
March 15th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
i hate the scent of everything at those parties. that’s my big problem. good luck! the best thing i got was a plastic heart, that when you break the coins inside, the gel turns to a warm sand-like texture–you can use it to give a massage or, my favorite, cramps.
also, i finally emailed you back. hope you got it.
March 15th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Can you buy porn there? Or “erotic fiction”?
That stuff never goes bad.
March 16th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
A party that celebrates empowerment would be a party of one, me, sitting on my ass, eating those darn crackers and cheese without a single shred of guilt for what it would do to my arse, reading a great book by Bel Hooks or some other firece chick, while my hubby was home, taking care of the babies, and then getting on his hands and knees to clean up the pee he constantly leaves on the rim of the toilet bowl, but then blames on his son who is potty training. GRRRR!!
March 17th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
[...] the end, I didn’t even go to the Passion Party on Friday. At the last minute, my siblings and I decided to give my dad his birthday present that [...]