Can you believe how long it’s been? It’s like I don’t even have a blog anymore. Sparing you a long angst-ridden diatribe about the craziness that has been my life of late, I’ll just share the edited version: I’m losing my mind a little. I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to take all this on at once. It honestly never occurred to me that I couldn’t do it or that it would be too much for me. Which is surprising because normally I’m all about admitting my limits. I usually don’t have a problem saying, Yeah that sounds like a lot of work, I’m gonna go ahead and pass.

But this time I was all, Oh yeah totally, I love change so this will be fun!

A new job, going back to school, moving across the state. All while being homeless for three weeks and having no internet (which isn’t just about the blogging or reading of blogs; I actually need the internet to do well in school and, well, function really). So all of this maybe doesn’t sound that bad to you. Or maybe you’re thinking, yeah wow, that sucks, glad it wasn’t me. But I don’t think you’re fully grasping what this was like. It might be due in part to the fact that I don’t always have grace under fire, if you will. Because usually under fire, I tend to freak the fuck out.

Over the last few weeks, I haven’t had more than a few minutes at a time to think or relax or just be. I spend all day at work trying to figure this new job out; I spend every evening either in class or doing homework (I seriously have enough school work to fill almost every evening); I spend every night struggling to fall or stay asleep; I spend every weekend moving or unpacking. I’m exhausted physically and mentally and emotionally. Five years ago I may have been able to do all this with ease, but what I seem to have forgotten when I was making the decision to take all of this on at once is that it’s not five years ago. I’m old now apparently, and too much chaos and stimulation and just stuff can cause anxiety and stress and exhaustion. Lesson learned.

Speaking of lessons learned, here a few others:

• If you get a job offer and have the choice between starting right away and waiting two weeks, always wait two weeks.

• Especially if you are starting a new graduate program right away also.

• And especially if you are also moving across the state during the same time.

• And if you can’t get into your new place right away, and you’re forced to be homeless for a few weeks, just stay in a hotel. Because bouncing around from one relative’s house to another is not good for your sanity.

• Especially if you’re already stressed out about starting a new job AND going back to school at the same time.

• And if you’re going to do all this anyway, make sure you’re at least on anxiety medication before you get stuck in the gap between jobs where you are temporarily uninsured and can’t see a doctor.

• Also make sure you’re on a sleeping pill.

Now, because this sort of turned into an angsty diatribe, and because Brad tells me I should be focusing on the positive things, here’s a quick list of those:

I LOVE our apartment!
I have a job.
My car is running.
I own clothes.
Our new apartment is so spacious!
We finally got internet at home last night.
I have food to eat.
The apartment has a laundry room. In the apartment!
And two bathrooms.
And an office.
And a dining room.
And a big balcony/porch/deck/whatever.
And a garage!
All the stress will eventually be worth it. I think.

I’m going to try to get back into a regular blogging habit now that we have internet, but I’m still trying to figure out how to fit in regular showers, so this site may have to come after that. I hope you all haven’t run away in my absence—I need this outlet, and I love My Readers—so bear with me. It’s bound to get better eventually.