Yesterday I said something I never thought I’d hear myself say.

“I hate that I don’t have more time to do certain things I really want to do. Like look at cats.”

As in, look at the cats available for adoption on animal shelter websites. Yes that’s right, I’ve been hankering for a feline.

I don’t know why though. I’ve never been a pet person and I’ve never imagined myself having animals. When I was still in elementary school, my friend’s cat had kittens, and I convinced my mom to let me have one. She was white with grey patches, and I named her Sweetie Cakes (aka: Sweetie) (yeah I was a pretty typical eight year old). Essentially she became a family cat though because I didn’t take much interest in her once she grew out of kitten status.

By the way, I love kittens. We always had cats in my house growing up, cats I was pretty indifferent about, but whenever one had kittens, I became obsessed. I’d cuddle them and take pictures of them and name them cute names. I admit, I’m a sucker for kittens. But not cats so much. I prefer them over dogs because they’re usually independent and require a lot less care and attention. Plus they don’t slobber or bark or bumble around like idiots. Still, I never wanted my own cat.

Until recently.

Here’s a little history: Brad has always loved cats. He thinks they’re hilarious. Some of his most joyful laughter is caused by cats being ridiculous. You know, like the Funniest Home Videos’ cat montages? Yeah. So he always thought one day he’d have a cat, and I conceded, saying that someday when we have the space, he could get a cat. I’d even help him pick it out. But it would be HIS cat. His to feed, his to clean up after, his to pay and care for. So when we moved into this new apartment with almost TWICE as much space as our last one, this apartment that allowed cats, we thought hey, maybe now’s the time. But then we heard about the “non-refundable pet deposit” and “monthly cat rent” and quickly changed our minds. Plus, who wants to spend money on food and litter and cat toys and crap like that? Not us! Not right now!

Okay the point of this whole jabbery post is that I’m on period. And though my period weeks are usually like any other week (hi, getting personal here), some months the hormones come on a little strong. So what I’m thinking is there’s all this estrogen flowing and that’s making me feel like I need to nurture something. Some women get like this and they decide they want a baby. Me? I still say hell no to the baby thing. But suddenly I want a cat. I want to look at pictures of cats on shelter websites and pick out cute ones that we could maybe adopt.

I don’t want a kitten because then there’s all the litter-training and spaying and blah blah that come along with kittens. Plus, you never know what kind of cat a kitten will grow up to be, and I need a particular kind of cat. Can’t be skittish or too shy, but it can’t need constant attention. I like a cat that’s like, “Whatever dude I’m over doing my own thing, I don’t care about you” most of the time, but then is sometimes really friendly and wants to sleep in my lap. I want a smaller cat, one that’s lithe and active. Maybe it paws at the tv screen when a cat food commercial comes on, maybe it darts across the room and down the hall and back for no apparent reason. What it doesn’t do is saunter around swinging its big belly, rubbing up against my leg all day.

I’m pretty sure this will pass, so I just need to stay away from animal shelters and pet stores until it does. Because really, I don’t seriously want a cat. Too much work, too much money, and I’ll be stuck with the thing for god knows how long. Right? I don’t want a cat. I just want more time to look at cats and pretend.