I figured I needed an outlet. I figured I needed a workout. I figured, in my busy schedule, I needed an excuse to spend time with friends and family on a regular basis.

Hence, capoeira.

Yes, Brazilian fight-dancing. A couple friends, one of my sisters, my sister-in-law and I signed up for this class. Actually we bought passes that allow us to attend any class on a list of many at the university’s rec center. Capoeira just happened to be the one I picked for us because it fit best in my schedule.

Last week we were too scattered and ended up missing the class altogether. This week, despite still being ridiculously unorganized, we all managed to get inside before the door locked.

The way this class is set up, there is one “expert” to each beginner. So after stretching and learning the basic movements of ginga, we were paired off with an expert to learn kick and escape moves. They were all really nice and patient with us, but I was actually hoping to be a face in the crowd here. I wanted to be in a class of 30, all of us sweating and struggling in unison, each of us a nameless, twisted mass of flesh and fabric to the instructor. Instead, I’ve got an expert in capoeira kicking at me while I try to stretch my body low enough to the ground to avoid her leg.

And then! Then! They gathered us all in a circle called the “roda” where there’s odd musical instruments and chanting and clapping. And suddenly my friend Robin is being pushed into the center of the circle (I’m sorry, she actually had to cartwheel into the circle!) with one the experts and is expected to ginga around, kicking and escaping while we all watch and clap and chant at them.

This is not what I had in mind.

Next, a few of the more skilled students, the ones who have been doing this for years, cartwheel into the “roda” to show us how it’s done I guess. They’re doing things like this and this and I’m all, Hell no!

I managed to avoid my turn in the circle last night because time ran out, but everyone else is insisting we go back next week. They apparently think this is good for us, while I’m over here asking, What about step aerobics? And it’s not because I’m horrible at beginners’ capoeira. Actually I caught on pretty quickly. And it’s a pretty good workout—I was sweaty and tired, and today my legs are nice and sore. And it’s not that I’m not open to new things, even if they do involve chanting. It’s just… I didn’t get into this to perform. I’m not a performer. I didn’t intend to learn a whole new skill, I just want to burn calories. Can’t I inconspicuously stand in the back of a crowded class and do that?