Radical v. Traditionlist
This weekend I had a disappointing conversation* with someone in Brad’s family. It started when she overheard a silly discussion I was having with Brad, and the whole thing went a little something like this (for the purposes of this post, my last name will be Smith and Brad’s will be Jones):
Shannon: Hey, at our wedding we could have them announce us as “Mr. and Mrs. Shannon Smith.**
Brad: [smiles]
Relative: Mr. and Mrs. Shannon Smith? You’ll have to send me pictures, I won’t be going to that wedding.
Shannon: What do you mean? Because he’d be announced as Mr. Shannon Smith?
Relative: Yes.
Shannon: But you’d be okay if we were announced as Mr. and Mrs. Brad Jones?
Relative: Yes.
Shannon: Is it because he’s your [relative] or just because he’s a man?
Relative: Because he’s a man.
Shannon: Are you serious? Wow, I think that is so offensive. Especially coming from another woman.
Relative: ….
Because I don’t want to say anything here that I didn’t say to her face, I’ll let you go ahead and process that on your own. I’ll simply say this: you’re his [relative] and you’re joking about not coming to his wedding because we, as a couple, at our wedding, might break some silly outdated traditions? Fine. We were hoping to minimize the guest list anyway.
Okay I didn’t say that to her face, but I will if this kind of thing happens when we’re actually planning a wedding.
*This is one of many such conversations we’ve had and will likely continue to have.
**We always laugh when couples are announced as “Mr. and Mrs. [man's first name] [man's last name]. We like to joke that hey, maybe I should change my first and last name to match yours, that would be fun! For the record, I’m not changing either name. Neither is Brad.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Ha! I laughed at that stupid tradition too. I was actually VERY adamant about having my name said as opposed to just being Mr. and Mrs. [man's name].
Because I made such a stink about it - my husband’s mother took offense to my unwillingness to want to be Mrs [her son's name] failing to see that it wasn’t really that at all but that I thought it was silly to lose my name just because I’m getting married.
Maybe its a generation gap? Who knows. But do what you want!
August 13th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Stories like this give me so much rage! Why do relatives have such… opinionated views on other people’s choices?
August 13th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Wow! That’s some nerve on her part!
August 14th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Okay, I think you know this, but just in case you don’t, I want to make it clear. I think it’s awesome if a woman or man for that sake, has such strong attachment to their name, that they do not want to change it. And if someone really wants to announce themselves as Mr. and Mrs. Woman’s name, that’s their prerogative and I have to admit it amuses me.But, I have to admit, I actually liked being announced as Mr. and Mrs. Kevin “Smith” at our wedding. I’m totally old fashion I know. But I don’t feel like I lost my name, because of that.In all honesty, I don’t remember if that was how we were announced at our wedding or not.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with this one person who does call me. “Mrs. Kevin.” In that instance, I do feel like my name is lost. Partly, because I don’t actually know if he knows my first name, but still, even if he did.On the other hand, I’m indifferent (leaning towards dislike) to receiving mail to Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Smith, but for some reason, I separate the being announced at the wedding to receiving mail addressed without my name on it.
I wonder how’d I feel if I hadn’t gotten married so young, or even started dating so young, or even if our marriage wasn’t absolutely everything I wanted, but as funny as this may sound, I do feel like I am Mrs. Kevin “Smith”, and yet I don’t feel like my identity is hidden anywhere in there. Yeah, you probably are thinking that’s rather pathetic, but I oddly don’t.
September 14th, 2007 at 8:55 am
That woman would NOT be coming to my wedding! LOL!
Almost ALL of our stuff is untraditional. No bridesmaids/groomsmen, no flower girl/ring bearer, no bouquet toss/garter flip, no ‘here comes the bride’ crap, no roses, no father daughter/mother son dances, no rice tossing, no receiving line, my fiance walking me down the aisle not my dad!, etc etc etc.
And I certainly won’t be announced as Mrs. Jeremy ‘Smith’!! I will be taking his last name because it will make me proud…but I’m not going to be known with his first name, fo sho!
My grandmother about had a heart attack when I told her my father wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle. She literally begged me to change my mind about that. Heh. No thanks.
My dad doesn’t know this yet, by the way. That should be a joy of a conversation. (Of course, if he tries to use it against me, I get to say “yeah, well, you’re SUPPOSED to pay for my wedding too, and I haven’t gotten a penny from you…so there.” LOL!)