doahleigh - Holy Waste of Teabags!

I’m still here! I stole a minute of internet time before I go “home” and crash for the night. This week has been one of the most stressful and overwhelming of my life. I’m completely exhausted.

Number of “homes” I’ve had in the last week: 4

Number of times I’ve packed and unpacked crap from my car: ~16

Number of nights I’ve lost sleep from anxiety: 4

Number of times I’ve almost thrown up (literally gagging) from anxiety: ~18

Amount of food I’ve eaten in the last four days: very little (Why? the anxiety!)

Number of miles put on my car: lost track

Amount of gas wasted driving all over the state: don’t wanna talk about it

I got a job by the way, did I mention that? I was thrilled when I found out, but now I’m too fucking stressed out to even enjoy it. A new job, starting school and having nowhere to live for the first two weeks is more overwhelming than I anticipated. I try not to complain because I got what I wanted and eventually it might be enjoyable. But in the meantime, thank God for Brad. When I see him at the end of each day, I break down in his arms. This week has really tested us both, and I’m glad that we’ve turned to each other for strength and sanity rather than pushing each other away.

Okay my stolen minute is up. Hope you all are enjoying the end of summer!

Oh I forgot to mention, I may be without any connection to the outside world for awhile. And by that I mean internet access. Tomorrow is the big move day when all the furniture (the computer is considered furniture) gets transported to my dad’s house for temporary storage. Next week we’ll be at Lake Michigan with my family, staying in a place at least 45 minutes from the nearest wireless connection. Then for about two weeks, since we can’t get into our new apartment right away, we’ll be staying with relatives. The best I can say is that the internet access, if any, probably won’t be very reliable. Most of my family is pretty archaic (hi family!).

You may not see me around much for at least a week, maybe three, but I hope I’m able to check in a lot more often than I’m imagining.

And by the way, even though we just spent about five hours packing up crap, when I look around there are still at least seven million things to be packed, pitched or pulverized. I’m not sure what I’d actually be willing to pulverize, other than maybe the ugly couch if we could afford a new one, but I was going for some alliteration there. Pretty crafty eh?

See ya in a (couple?)(few?) week(s).

The crap! It never ends! No matter how many boxes I pack or how much stuff I bring to Goodwill or how many bags of trash I throw away, the crap keeps appearing. Our apartment is pretty small so I don’t know where it was all hiding for the last year. When we first started planning this move, we considered renting a U-Haul. The website suggested one of the smaller 10-foot trucks for one-bedroom apartments, but I’m pretty sure if we had tried to move all our furniture, boxes and other crap at the same time, we would have needed the 26-foot Super Mover.

I go home everyday and try to pack or clean something, but I can never seem to dig out of the junkyard that our apartment has become. Our new place has 500 more square feet, another bedroom and bathroom, and a laundry room. We are never leaving that place. Even when we have kids and money. Even if we get offered amazing jobs across the country. I’m staying there forever because I don’t want to deal with all this crap again.

But really, I shouldn’t complain too much. I’m stressed about moving, stressed about starting classes, stressed about leaving this job, stressed about finding another one. But more than anything I’m so fucking excited! I love change and I love new adventures. I get bored and restless so easily, so when I’m in transition like this, I feel really good. Yeah it’s stressful and a little scary, but my god I’m moving! I’m doing exactly what I decided I wanted to do. It’s happening. Soon enough I’ll be bored in my new apartment, bored at my new job (please God help me get a job), sick of grad school and annoyed with my family. But right now, today, all those things are still new and exciting.

I’m so frickin’ happy about it all that I don’t even care how much crap I have left to dig through tonight.

Following this conversation over the weekend, Brad was told about the reaction of another relative who was present at the discussion. Now, I’m getting this third person so I can’t vouch for it having actually been said, but assuming it’s true, can I just say ‘blech!’?

Apparently following the conversation, later that evening, this person said, “Wow I didn’t know Shannon was so into women’s lib.”

Which okay first of all, women’s lib? There are much bigger issues in “women’s lib” than me wanting to keep my own last name or even suggesting that my boyfriend consider taking mine. If you want me to demonstrate how “into women’s lib” (or actually feminism) I am, I can provide much better examples. And second, I think it’s a pretty hefty conclusion you made there. I casually suggest the I might consider breaking an outdated tradition of marriage, and you conclude that I’m “so into women’s lib?” I’ve said and done a lot of things that may have lead to this conclusion much sooner, but if this is what made it obvious, then yeah fine, I am so into it.

I have to give Brad major props though. When talking to this relative (the first one—oh how I wish I could just use names) later, he was confronted with this logic (something I’ve heard so many times now that my head may combust if I hear it again): well it’s just a last name and if a woman loves a man enough to marry him then it shouldn’t be a big deal for her to take his. Brad’s response: well if a man loves a woman enough to marry her then it shouldn’t be a big deal for him to take her last name either.

You go baby!

This weekend I had a disappointing conversation* with someone in Brad’s family. It started when she overheard a silly discussion I was having with Brad, and the whole thing went a little something like this (for the purposes of this post, my last name will be Smith and Brad’s will be Jones):

Shannon: Hey, at our wedding we could have them announce us as “Mr. and Mrs. Shannon Smith.**
Brad: [smiles]
Relative: Mr. and Mrs. Shannon Smith? You’ll have to send me pictures, I won’t be going to that wedding.
Shannon: What do you mean? Because he’d be announced as Mr. Shannon Smith?
Relative: Yes.
Shannon: But you’d be okay if we were announced as Mr. and Mrs. Brad Jones?
Relative: Yes.
Shannon: Is it because he’s your [relative] or just because he’s a man?
Relative: Because he’s a man.
Shannon: Are you serious? Wow, I think that is so offensive. Especially coming from another woman.
Relative: ….

Because I don’t want to say anything here that I didn’t say to her face, I’ll let you go ahead and process that on your own. I’ll simply say this: you’re his [relative] and you’re joking about not coming to his wedding because we, as a couple, at our wedding, might break some silly outdated traditions? Fine. We were hoping to minimize the guest list anyway.

Okay I didn’t say that to her face, but I will if this kind of thing happens when we’re actually planning a wedding.

*This is one of many such conversations we’ve had and will likely continue to have.

**We always laugh when couples are announced as “Mr. and Mrs. [man's first name] [man's last name]. We like to joke that hey, maybe I should change my first and last name to match yours, that would be fun! For the record, I’m not changing either name. Neither is Brad.

Hey folks, things might look weird while I upgrade Doahleigh real quick.

We’ll be back soon.

It’s been a long road to get to where we are now: moving, going to school, changing jobs. But Brad and I made the decisions together every step of the way. It’s interesting to me how easily people assume that we’re fulfilling his dreams, and I’m just tagging along.

Somebody that I was talking to the other day, someone who doesn’t know much about my situation, had heard a few of the details. She was told that I was leaving my job, moving to a new city, and going back to school, and that my boyfriend was moving and returning to school as well. Also, she was aware that I had moved to Jackson only a few years ago. Not much to work with, but that didn’t stop her from drawing any conclusions. In a conversation with her about my upcoming move, she said to me, “So tell me about this guy you keep following around everywhere.”

I was immediately offended. I couldn’t believe that she concluded from the few details she knew that I had been changing my life plans in order to follow my boyfriend around. I explained to her that first, I didn’t move to Jackson for Brad, but rather met him a few months after getting here. I also explained that I wasn’t following him to GR, and that in fact, we’re returning to my hometown where all of my family and friends live. Had she known all the facts, she may have even concluded that Brad was following me around, which of course he’s not, but geez lady!

So in case there’s any confusion, these were decisions made equally by us both. We feel very lucky that both of our goals can be accomplished in the same place, and that it worked out so well for us to do this together.

I think what annoys me is that this lady (and she’s not the only one) didn’t bother to find out any more about the situation before drawing her conclusion. She saw a young woman who is apparently in love and moving with her boyfriend. Obviously since she now has a man, she can’t possibly have ambitions of her own. Of course she must be following him around so he can be successful and provide for their future family while she prepares to have his babies. What else is there to conclude really?

Yes I’m bitter.

Seriously? I haven’t written since that taste test post? Wasn’t that like a month ago or something?

Things have been a little nutty the last week. I knew it would be, what with the moving and packing and job-searching and interviewing and finishing up work and apartment-hunting and la de da.

I haven’t had time to read email or send email or read blogs or write blogs or make crafts or watch the L Word from Netflix or do any of the things that normally give me a break. But there’s been progress, so at least I can show something for my insanity.

Accomplishments:
-Brad and I found an apartment that we love, and we’re just waiting for them to approve us and for it to become available.

-We’ve moved two carloads of crap to the new city, and I’ll be moving another one tonight. It’s currently sitting in my dad’s garage until we figure out where we’re living.

-I have a job interview. That’s all I’ll say because my last three interviews have lead nowhere. Think positive!

-After today I only have a week left at my job, and I’m making preparations for a smooth transition.

-Even though I haven’t met with my advisor or bought books or anything else essential for starting a master’s program, I have managed to register for classes. Progress!

The few minutes it took me to craft this uninspired post were stolen from valuable work time. Meaning I gotta get back to it. But I have some interesting things to say about a common assumption regarding this upcoming move and the dynamic of my relationship with Brad. People assume so much! Stay tuned.

You guys like to drink! I got 15 responses to my query for drink ideas, and you suggested 19 different concoctions for me to try.

So I made a list, and I will attempt to at least sample each of them. I’m not giving myself a deadline for this because let’s face it, I’m about to be unemployed, and I’m not gonna have money for food, let alone frivolous beverages, for quite some time. Hey people in GR! Feel free to buy me drinks anytime, I may need them.

Last night I hung out with my one and only friend in this town who doesn’t even actually live in this town but just works here so I never get to see her. She’s an avid reader of this site (hi Jess!) and knew about my quest, so she and her boyfriend bought me a couple drinks to start the experiments. I plan to give a review of each one as I check it off the list (the complete list of Drinks That Could Be My Drink is at the bottom).

Smirnoff Ice, Raspberry
Sampled: 8-1-07
Rated: 8/10
Served cold with a glass of ice and a straw. I was a little timid to try my first sip because I was sure it was going to taste alcoholy. But after one slurp, I interrupted Jess mid-sentence to exclaim, “This has alcohol in it? Nuh-uh.” It tasted just like a Clearly Canadian. I had no problem finishing the bottle, but that was enough. It’s very good, but too sweet to have more than one or two.

Tom Collins, blended
Sampled: 8-1-07
Rated: 5/10
Served in a fancy cocktail glass with a straw. Actually Jess ordered this and I just tried a few sips. I don’t think it’s usually served blended, but I like frozen drinks, so I was glad. However, it was so sour it made me shudder. The sour masked the taste of liquor, but it reminded me too much of the margarita from the night of the stomach virus. This may not have been the most genuine Tom Collins experience, but regardless, it probably won’t be the winner here.

Vodka & Cranberry
Sampled: 8-1-07
Rated: 2/10
Served in a glass with ice and a straw. Definitely not the worst drink I’ve ever had, but I didn’t make it past one quick sip. I really think I need to stick to my rule: no drinks with a liquor in the name. Also, no two ingredient drinks. I need more disguising than that.

It wasn’t on the list, but I also had a fuzzy navel at the suggestion of Jess’ boyfriend. It tasted just like I remembered, like orange juice. I even had another with my breakfast this morning. No I didn’t.

Drinks That Could Be My Drink
?Smirnoff Ice, Raspberry
Amaretto Sour
Long Island Iced Tea
Michelob Ultra with green olives
Mojito
Banfi Rosa Regale
Blue Lagoon
?Tom Collins
Midori Sour
Malibu Pineapple
White Russian (Malibu instead of vodka)
Bacardi Raz with Sprite
Malibu with Cranberry & twist of lime
Ace Pear Cider
Woodchuck Cider, Pear
Woodchuck Cider, Raspberry
Bellini
Sangria
?Vodka and Cranberry

When I turned 16 and got my driver’s license, my parents (read: evil stepfather at the time) made me wait a few months before I could regularly drive on my own. My birthday is in December, and he figured I should wait until spring when all the deadly snow and ice had melted. So when the birds started chirping, I was thrilled to get out of the house and into “my” car (the piece of shit my parents bought and let me use to shuttle my younger siblings around).

One day I had to bring my sister to the mall to, I don’t know, get her ears pierced or meet guys or something. After shopping, we were leaving the parking lot, and I was attempting to make a left turn into fast-moving heavy traffic. I sat there a long time waiting for an opening, but since traffic was pretty steady, I wasn’t having any luck.

All of a sudden there was a man at my window. Apparently he came from the car behind me because he started lecturing me about how it shouldn’t take this long to turn left, and don’t I know that I can just get into the middle lane there and then merge into an opening?

I was pissed. Excuse me, but don’t approach my window and tell me how to drive. First of all, I’m not entirely sure that’s even legal, and as a new driver I’d rather not risk getting a ticket just because you’re an impatient bastard. There are other exits ya know? Second, my sister is in the car with me so I’m responsible for her life right now if you don’t mind. And third, fuck off asshole.

I didn’t say any of those things of course. Just smiled and nodded and rolled up my window. I’m more the passive-aggressive type. Instead of giving him a piece of my mind, I just sat there blocking his exit for as long as I could stand. I fiddled with the radio and adjusted my mirrors and let many an opening pass me by. Finally, when I could see that he was thoroughly agitated and perhaps ready to pull a weapon on me, I gave him one final smirk in my rear view mirror and pulled into traffic.

Basically what I’m saying is don’t tell me how to drive. Maybe I can’t back into a parking space with ease, and maybe I ran over that turtle that one time, but I’m actually a good driver and usually err on the side of caution, if anything.

I definitely don’t mind being the passenger though, I actually prefer it much of the time. But if I do happen to be the one driving, you better back off. I don’t like being told when I’m not doing something the exact way you’d prefer it. Just ask Brad. Not that he tells me how to drive often, but even when he ventures to make a suggestion…

Oh did you want to drive? Why didn’t you say so? Here I’ll just pull over and you can get behind the wheel because obviously you know what you’re doing so much better than I do. Must be because you’ve been driving a whole eight months longer than me. Oh no, you don’t want to drive? Well then why don’t you let me do it since I’m the one in the driver’s seat!