In high school I was sort of an anomaly, in that, whereas most high schoolers only think they know everything, I really did. Okay maybe I didn’t know everything there is to know in the world, that’s impossible. And while I’ve certainly learned a lot about life since then (like how to use a condom and the difference between gross and net income (although I still confuse the two sometimes)), I still hold that I was different because almost everything I thought I knew then turned out to be right.

For instance, somehow I had the forsight to really understand that those years could be the best of my life. Unlike most teenagers who scoff at adults that tell them to enjoy it while it lasts, I firmly grasped that I had better appreciate every moment because eventually life might really suck.

I’m not saying life sucks now, but I am saying that sometimes I miss the bliss of adolescent angst. Back then I was actually glad that my worst problem was figuring out how to break up with Matt (over the phone) or what to wear to my first Homecoming dance (a painfully inappropriate corduroy skirt), because I was brilliantly aware that someday I’d be dealing with much bigger, much suckier problems.

What I’m saying, in the most light-hearted way I can manage, is that in the face of some pretty hefty problems I’m currently trying to solve, I kind of wish all I had to worry about was whether my long black double-slitted skirt, hiked up over my boobs to create a sultry strapless dress, would be too risque for our performance of “Spice Up Your Life” at senior year band camp (no, Posh is supposed to be sultry and risque).

Brad and I are faced with a multitude of decisions to make in the near future, all of which affect the others, and all of which must eventually come together in some kind of neatly packaged solution. Sparing all the boring details, I’ll just say that there are four essentials that need to come together for us by August. For simplicity’s sake we’ll call them A B C and D.

It’s nearly impossible for all four to coincide perfectly, but we’re determined there must be a way. Because if not, we’re wasting a lot of energy on nothing. However, in order to be flexible, we’ve tried to prioritize the four elements. What’s the most important? The least?

I guess A and B are the most important, essential to our livelihood even. But we already have A and B now, and that’s not enough. Since C and D can’t easily happen from where we’re at, we’d have to move to make them happen. And the whole point is to accomplish all four, so if we just stay in the A and B we’re in now, we’ll sacrifice C and D and therefore really acheive nothing. So okay, we must make C and D happen. But we can’t just up and move where C and D are available because without A and B, we can’t even afford C and D, and then the whole idea is moot.

Maybe we should shoot for A, definitely A, and we can sacrifice C for now, or at least back burner it. B is pretty important, and D is essential to improving B. So okay, now we have A B and D as the imperative elements. Well we have a possible plan for D, which is good, but we won’t know if it’s going to work until May. May is way too late to figure out A, which is starting to look like the most imporant thing, so we can’t wait until May to settle A. Now what? I don’t know, I’m at a complete loss on how to solve my life…

I know someday we’ll be on the other side of this; someday we’ll have all four letters lined up and we’ll look back at our confusion and know that it wasn’t for nothing. There is an answer and eventually we’ll know what it is.

But right now I almost wish I was still in high school where A B C and D were grades on a report card, not the baffling elements of my life.