For Christmas, Brad got me the Nintendogs game for my DS. It’s not that he thinks I like dogs all that much; he is actually very aware that a wet dog nose or tongue on my skin is almost enough to make my flesh melt off my body. I like dogs, as long as they don’t get in my way, don’t stink, and keep their faces off my body. Virtual dogs do pretty much exactly that.

I think he bought me the game because he thought it was a funny concept and knew I would too. So on this game, I adopted a little brown female miniature pinscher, which I named Clout. I have to feed and water her every day, take her for walks, and train her to do tricks. So far it’s been interesting, but my real motivation to keep playing is that I realized I can take her to competitions and win money. Fake money, yes, but the other day when she won the first prize of $200 at an obedience trial, it was almost as exciting as winning real money. Okay not really, but still pretty exciting.

I told Brad that by the time Clout masters all the competitions, I’ll probably be bored with the game and ready to send the electronic dog to the pound. But by then, however, I’ll have plenty of prize money to buy Brad his own fake dog, and he can enjoy the game for awhile.

I’ve had my virtual pet for about a week now, and after spending a night on my sister’s couch this weekend with a real life yappy Chihuahua nestled in my knees and a Yorkshire Terrier wrapped around my neck, I not only confirmed that I never want a real dog of my own, but that I function much better in the virual world and should perhaps live there altogether. Do they make Nintenchildren yet?