Dear Body,
Hi it’s me. I’ve been noticing a pattern, and I wanted to bring it to your attention in case you weren’t aware. Ever since we got health insurance a few months ago, you’ve really been acting up. I brought you in for a regular check up and got the all clear from the doctor. However, since then you’ve found a variety of ways to use (or dare I say abuse?) our insurance privileges.

First there was the migraine. I’m sure I don’t need to point out that you’ve never had a migraine before, including the whole time we were without insurance. Why now?

Then there was the severe vomiting. If I wouldn’t have had insurance to cover that emergency room visit, what would you have done? Just let me dehydrate and die? You haven’t pulled anything like that since we were young and on my parents’ insurance. I don’t understand.

And now, last night, you told the gall stones to start acting up again. All evening I tried to figure out what was wrong, it was such an odd pain, and suddenly I realized the discomfort was all too familiar. Last time you did this, we were at the very end of parental health coverage, and you miraculously made the problem go away on it’s own. Just because we have insurance again, doesn’t mean all these problems need to come back. I laid awake all but two hours last night and had to get up early, so this is no longer amusing.

I know it’s important that we get healthy, Body, and I know we’re lucky to have insurance, but is it really necessary to cause all these problems now when for so many years you were perfectly healthy? Please consider giving me a break.
Sincerely, Self

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Dear Self,
Sorry about the gall stone thing. It might just be acid reflux, but you’ll have to wait and see. I know it sucks to get so little sleep when you can’t even lay down without feeling like your stomach is being eaten by a million little gnats. But I can’t make any promises about relief tonight.

I see where you’re coming from. But the way I see it, we need to get all this crap out of the way while we’ve got the insurance. You never know when we’ll be without it again. Wouldn’t you rather deal with this stuff while it’s cheap?
All the best, Body

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Body,
Okay good point. But can you please stop anyway? I just want to feel better and get some sleep!
Begging for relief, Self