Despite all my bitching about money, Brad and I made an irresponsible decision and left town for one last summer getaway. We drove about 40 minutes down the road where they have a much cooler zoo and a place that celebrates one of our first loves. I could go on and on about all the animals we saw and the free cereal samples, but nobody wants to hear about that.

What I think is much more important here is the lesson we learned about ourselves from this trip: We hate people. No, it’s true, we really do. We. Hate. People.

It’s sad to realize that about yourself. That you’re a hate-filled person. But at least now we can begin to manage it. Here are a few tips I suggest for anyone else who might find themselves to be a horrible, heartless people-hater:

1. Avoid crowds. Places like zoos and other tourist traps tend to be filled with people. The best way to control your hatred for people who moo at horned cattle, howl at wolves, and ‘here kitty kitty’ at caged leopards is to avoid them completely. Also, avoidance is the best way to keep from strangling the guy in front of you who orders food for twenty people when all you want is a fucking hot dog!

2. Swear. A lot.

3. If you must visit a place that will potentially draw a crowd, don’t visit on a weekend. Especially not a holiday weekend.

4. Don’t visit places that target children. If you’re a horrible, heartless people-hater, you probably get easily annoyed by stranger’s children. But even worse are the parents who treat their kids like incompetent morons. And anywhere there are children, there are sure to be belittling parents. Steer clear.

5. Always have a fellow people-hater nearby. That way you’ll have someone to direct your snide remarks and bitchy comments to, therefore avoiding lawsuits and fist fights with strangers.

6. Alcohol usually helps. Use wisely.

7. When you feel yourself really hating someone, the best way to deal is to blog about it. Except don’t mention any names. And definitely don’t write about the people at work that you hate. You are writing on the internet after all.

8. And finally, try laughing. Laughing always helps. Or at least it might distract you long enough to keep you from bludgeoning someone with your purse.