Hidden talents (or lack thereof)
This girl I used to play with as a kid would always try to disgust people by flipping her eyelids inside out. She often got the reaction she wanted from others, but I was never grossed out. Instead, I was impressed and jealous. Why can’t I do that?
I’ve seen a couple people who can roll their bellies, almost like rippling waves. Except it’s more like hairy flesh than sparkling water. But still, that’s pretty cool. Why can’t I do that?
On the Ellen show not too long ago, I caught an interview with Keira Knightley. I’m not her biggest fan to begin with, but she made me dislike her even more when she shared an accurate rendition of “Raindrops are falling on my head.” That she played on her teeth! As in, she hit her teeth with her fingernails and it actually sounded like a fucking song. What the hell, why can’t I do that?
I have this irrational fear that someday I’m going to be put on the spot and be asked to reveal my hidden talent. There will probably be prize money involved or a trip to Jamaica. Most likely I’ll have a camera pointed at me while an audience of thousands eagerly waits for me to dislocate my elbow or belch the alphabet.
And I’ll be forced to let them all down. Not because I don’t want to win. Which I very much do. But because I don’t have a hidden talent. None. Not even anything stupid or common. I just can’t do anything weird!
I’ve been on a quest for my hidden talent for a long time, waiting to discover that, perhaps, I can in fact beatbox with the best of them. So far that hasn’t happened. I can’t sing or dance, I can’t contort myself, I can’t create melodic bodily noises, I can’t even do a handstand. Yeah, I can roll my tongue, but so can 89% of the population.
I’m sure there are things I can do that not everybody can, but I’m looking for that one thing that will win me the cash prize or Jamaican vacation. Something that will make the audience gasp, laugh and applaude. It doesn’t have to be outstanding, but at least impressive.
So far I’ve lived my whole life without an ace in my pocket, a little thing to pull out when the party gets dull. Hell, I’d be happy to disgust people with flipped-out eyelids! But I’m not giving up, I must have a hidden talent somewhere. I’m sure it’s just…hidden.
Okay now share what your hidden talents are. Come on, don’t be embarrassed. Just imagine me, at home alone, trying to master your ridiculous talents. Because that’s exactly what I’ll be doing!
i can fit my fist in my mouth. i’m pretty sure that’s not unusual, though, and so i’m in that talentless boat with ya.
Uh yeah. Lindsay, both Brad and I tried it and neither of us came close. That, my friend, is a talent. Good job!
So you’re saying that only 11% of the population can’t roll their tongue? What the hell is wrong with me.
I just made that statistic up, but I bet it’s close!
yay, i have a hidden talent that makes me look slutty.
i looked it up on a useless facts website and it said 64% of the population can roll their tongues. other pages had higher percentages. … also, more girls can do it than boys. though i’m sure that doesn’t make you feel better, i found it interesting.
can you, by chance, see those hidden picture things? i sure can’t.
I can sometimes see the pictures, but only after a lot of work and concentration. I don’t that’s gonna win me the free trip!
I bet you can play “raindrops keep fallin on my head” on your teeth too, because i just tried it, and it worked. Keep trying if you havent already. Use your right hand and the notes with your first finger towards the right side of your mouth will be lower than the left side of your mouth to be hit with your middle, and ring finger.
*sigh* i have too much time on my hands.
I can flip people off with my middle toe.
I don’t have a hidden talent either, babe. So don’t feel bad. We can both be put on the spot.
Though if a camera was put on me, I’d try really hard to do something with my body in the 5 seconds they were looking at me!
I can stop my hiccups at will.
That’s all I can do.
I tried it…I can’t play my teeth. I’ll have to have you demonstrate Erica.
Brad, you forget about your bird imitation (caw-caw caw-caw!). And if you ever are up for the cash prize, just show ‘em your wingspan. That’ll win ya something.
Jason, I only wish I could stop my hiccups at will. I’ve tried everything!
I have no hidden talents either
Can’t play Raindrops…, can’t fit my fist in my mouth, can’t stop my hiccups at will, I can roll my tongue and taught myself to raise one eyebrow, and do that stupid star trek thing. But nothing to win me a trip either. THe little girl I babysit, who is almost three can impersonate pretty much any sesame street characters voice to a tee. It’s hilarious, she doesn’t even realize how unique that is. She will be playing with her dolls and out comes the voices. It is so freaking hilarious! I get a fit of giggles everytime.