Since when are telemarketers stalking our cell phones? When we put in a land line at the apartment we started getting “courtesy calls” all the time. With no caller ID or answering machine to screen calls, we’ve been spending a lot of time hanging up on obnoxious callers. But I have never gotten one of these pesky calls on my cell phone.

Until yesterday.

I was locked out of my car because Brad had my keys and I couldn’t get ahold of him (long story). I was also waiting for an important call from my sister who just moved to Montana. So when my phone rang and showed an unfamiliar number, which I would usually send to voicemail, I decided to answer.

Obnoxious telemarketer: Hi is this Shannon?
Me: (thinking this is so not my sister) Yes.
OT: Well Shannon, I’m calling to offer you an all-expense paid vacation for two to either Orlando or Miami. Which of these destinations do you prefer Shannon?
Me: Actually this is a really bad time to talk.
OT: Oh yeah? Can I ask why?
Me: Well bitch. As a matter of fact you can’t ask why. Actually go ahead and ask why. That’ll give me a chance to tell you to kiss my ass. It’s none of your business why it’s a bad time. If I say it’s a bad time, it’s a bad time. Is there ever a good time to talk about your scams? No. So kindly mind your own business and get yourself a real job.

Yeah I told her! Actually I have a soft spot in my heart for telemarketers because my sister and brother-in-law were forced to sell magazine subcriptions over the phone when they were struggling to make it in a new city. And one of my many jobs in college was with the fundraising department where I called alumni and asked for money. Which is essentially telemarketing because people hate you when you’re asking for their money.

So the conversation actually went more like this…

OT: blah blah blah Orlando blah blah
Me: blah blah blah bad time blah blah
OT: Can I ask why?
Me: Actually I’m locked out of my car, and I’m trying to figure out how to get in.
OT: So you’re not interested in this offer?
Me: No I’m really not. But thank you.
OT: Okay. Well I hope you get into your car!
Me: Thanks! Bye.

But still. On my cell phone! The nerve.