Don’t you love the days when you have nothing to look forward to after work except sitting around and being lazy? Oh maybe you’ll watch that movie you rented the other night, maybe you’ll read or play endless games on your boyfriend’s Nintendo DS. Probably you’ll put your pajamas on the second you walk in the door and watch mindless tv all night.

Yes I am here to say that I, your lovely Doahleigh, am one lazy mofo. I prefer a night in to a night out almost any day. I prefer, after nine hours at work, to sit on my ass rather than be productive or social. I love looking forward to nothing! Pathetic? Yes. Do I care? No.

As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind doing nothing all day (for awhile at least). I don’t like working, the 8-5 each day, the five days a week. I hope someday my future husband will make enough money for me to stay home and do nothing. Okay, fine I’ll work part-time and maybe watch the future kids if I don’t hate them too much.

Don’t get me wrong, if I have to work, which I do, this is the job I want. I like what I do and the people I work with. And even if I didn’t have to work, I probably still would in some form. It’s the having to work part that I hate.

My first job, aside from babysitting (little brats!) was a paper route that I shared with my sister. It paid shit and gave me backaches, but it was first taste of working for a living. I’ve had a string of annoying jobs since then, and their memory always reminds how much I like the job I have now even if I hate working in general. Let’s reminisce shall we?

Ice cream slinger At 16, I got my first ‘real’ job. It was a new shoppe with very little business, so mostly I sat around writing notes to my friends on “Guest Receipt” slips and eating strawberry frozen yogurt on sugar cones.

Pharmacy Tech Saving money for college, I counted pills and stocked shelves and wore a giant white frock of a shirt for over a year. I really liked this job though because it was a personally owned pharmacy, not a corporate giant. And one of the pharmacists would always let me steal pop and candy when he worked.

Rec Facilities Patroller My first work-study job in college. I had to learn CPR and First Aid, then walk around the huge rec facility with two gyms, a weight room, etc. I had to wear an oversized ugly shirt and a massive radio on my hip. I used to find secluded areas of the building to sit and kill time. I quit after a couple weeks. Hello, me in a place of physical fitness?

Front desk lackey I actually met a lot of my college friends by sitting at the front desk of our freshmen dorm (one in particular–hi Alaina darling!). Besides socializing, I sorted mail, gave people things, and answered stupid questions. One semester I worked from 10pm to 2am, then took a quick nap and came back down to work from 5am until 8:00 class, three days a week. That semester sucked.

Loan Office lackey On top of working at the front desk for the second year (see above) and being an RA (see below) I worked in the Loan Office. Filing, sorting, copying, data-entering. This job was not exciting, but the nicest old man and woman worked with me there, and for St. Patrick’s Day I brought them green carnations, which I thought was sweet, but they thought was weird. Jerks.

Resident Assistant In charge of a whole dorm hallway full of 30 freshman girls! Lord help me. Barf in the community bathroom sinks. Barf in the hallways. 3am fire alarms. Every night. But I actually really loved my floor. It was the other RAs I had a problem with. They were nice and all, but so… let’s-all-be-friends-not-just-coworkers. And I was a)not into that, and b)so painfully shy back then that even though I really was into that, I was too insecure to believe they wanted to include me in the let’s-all-be-friends-not-just-coworkers love fest.

Golf course horticulturist And by horticulturist I mean that I planted some marigolds and watered them for a few hours every day. I did a little weeding around the clubhouse too, but mostly I drove my golf cart around trying to waste as much time as possible before giving up and going home. Again, I was incredibly insecure then and I was the only girl on the grounds crew, so I found ways to avoid human contact as much as possible.

[are you bored yet... too bad, keep reading]

Yellowstone lodge front desk worker Loved this job. Okay, I loved living in Yellowstone. The job was pretty good compared to those suckers who had to do housekeeping and cooking. Front desk was cake. But it is in Yellowstone, my friends, that I learned how to drink. Every night actually. I got all my silly drinking binges out of the way in those few months. And I did some hiking too, don’t worry.

Meijer cashier For anybody not familiar with Meijer, it’s basically like a Super Walmart. Everything you could imagine under one store. And I was the cashier in the too-big teal shirt that checked you out. This may be my worst job ever. I can’t stand doing the same thing over and over and over again. And again and again. Plus people are bitches! My only saving grace was when they put me out in the garden center during the summer where I could breathe fresh air and hide from people.

Outside Servicer At a gold course in Sheridan, WY I spent the summer loading golf carts, cleaning club heads, stacking golf ball pyramids, and washing carts. I worked in outside services, and it was seriously one of my most favorite jobs. For other reasons I won’t go into, it was a miserable summer, but the job was pretty nice. I got a great tan and made great tips. The millionaires’ asses that I had to kiss were actually quite sweet (the people, not their asses), and I usually spent a good portion of my shift lounging in or driving around in the golf carts. Oh and my favorite part of the job was clearing the driving range. I got to drive one of those vehicles that scoops up the range balls, the ones that people use for target practice a lot. It was like vacuuming a visibly dirty floor-so satisfying!

Assistant Publisher Read and edit manuscripts? Sounds great, I’m in. Haha, we lied! You’re actually in charge of phone sales. What are you selling? Oh just books on gambling, antiques and cats. And believe me, I was horrible at it. I quit after six months.

Service Learning Coordinator That’s what I do now, at a community college. For almost two years now. Actually I’m in AmeriCorps, but everything I do is like a real job except the pay. I really do like this job, and I’m a little bit sad I’m done in a few months.

So there ya have it! My resume at a glance. Sort of. Themes I noticed: oversized ugly shirts; junk food and alcohol; wasting time and avoiding people; insecurity; quitting after short periods of time. But really, I’m VERY employable. No seriously, I just have to like my job is all.