doahleigh - Holy Waste of Teabags!

Back in the days of our youth, when we were young and dumb and loving (or hating depending on the hormones that day) life, Robin and I created ourselves a little band. We didn’t have any talent with the typical rock band instruments–guitars, drums, etc–but no matter. We would learn. Or more likely we’d be the face of the band and find others to fill those less vital roles. Like the playing of instruments.

So. The band. It needed a name right? And what did our creative adolescent minds come up with? The Floorboards. That was our band. IS our band. We haven’t made any music or even filled those less vital roles yet, but we ARE the Floorboards!

(In case you’re missing the oh so obvious reference, we were inspired by the Wallflowers. Get it? Wall. Floor. Flowers. Boards. Something like that.)

Now there’s this other band who apparently resides in the GR area. I don’t know much about them, but apparently they think that just because they actually “make music” and perform “gigs” and have people who fill their less vital roles, they think they can just go ahead and pick whatever name they want for their wonder band! So what did they pick? Floorboard. They went ahead and dubbed themselves Floorboard and trampled all over the sanctity of THE FloorboardS!!

I hope they fail miserably. At least until we can put out our hit record and force them to change their name to something less inspired. Like The Name Stealers or the Meatheads.

Scene: Wendy’s drive through

Brad: I need one small frosty… And a fix n’ mix frosty with Butterfinger
Wendy’s Employee: Butterfinger?
Brad: Yes, and a small regular frosty.
WE: Two small frosties?
Brad: [looks at order screen] No you have it right.
WE: ….
[screen changes to 'two small frosties]
Brad: No just one small frosty.
WE: One small frosty?
Brad: And a fix n’ mix frosty. With Butterfinger.

I’m not sure how this got resolved, but we did end up with the correct order. I kind of wish I could just have a Frosty IV already and get it over with.

I’m a paranoid freak.

I see predators everywhere. Everywhere. I’m constantly running escape plans through my head. The slightest noise automatically means someone is trying to kill me, hurt me, rob me, rape me.

Yesterday I was walking in the WalMart at the same time as a man clad head-to-toe in Carhart. He was about five feet to my right, but keeping impeccable pace with me. I tried to speed up, but I couldn’t get ahead of him. Visions ran through my head–he was attacking me, stealing my purse, holding a gun to my back where nobody could see and guiding me back to his car. I quickened my ste[s in order to get lost in the sea of WalMart, but he kept pace. Step for step. Step for god awful step leading to my demise. My heart raced and my feet raced. I finally got inside and hid myself behind a crowd of people. I turned around to see Carhart man grabbing a cart. He was just there to do a little shopping. I still high-tailed it out of his sight and deep into the clothing section.

A couple weeks ago I was seeing Narnia with Brad and Emily. An old guy, apparently drunk and seemingly homeless, walked in and stood near us. Too close for comfort. My initial thought: he’s hear to hold up the theatre and my boyfriend is his closest victim. And I continued to formulate my reaction plan for his attack. I don’t remember now what the plan was, but it was clear and complex and ready to be implemented at a moment’s notice. Nothing happened.

This is how I live my life. That man wants to attack me. That noise means I’m being robbed. Someone is hiding behind that tree. That car has been following me for too long. Where’s my cell phone. Who would I call. What would I do.

I’m afraid the moment I let my guard down, my worst nightmare will come true. But living in constant fear is really tiring!

Brad and I went to a movie this weekend. At the ticket counter, as we were clearly asking for two tickets to King Kong, the lady next to us proudly exclaimed “Two tickets to TONIGHT’S SHOW!” She was obviously proud of the fact that she was taking her daughter (I assume) to a moving picture show, but it might have been helpful to let the ticket-dispenser know which of tonight’s shows they’d like to see. Unfortunately when it was all cleared up, it turned out she was seeing King Kong with us.

We had a good laugh over this, making all the appropriate jokes–was she sure she didn’t want to see tomorrow’s show? What about last night’s? Then we heard her ordering some concessions. “Two frozen cokes!” with all the splendor you can imagine. And when clarification was needed–red cherry or blue raspberry–she let the whole place know that she was buying frozen cokes by yelling the options to her daughter. Who was standing a mere two feet away. We were sure not to sit anywhere near her in the theatre.

Now perhaps this story is lame. But then I must ask, why do we, as in Brad and myself, find so much pleasure out of making fun of people? Why were this lady’s excitement and consequential obfuscations so humoring? This is one of the things that bonded me and Brad–our sense of humor. Not everyone would find this lady hysterical, but we were still laughing about it three hours later (when the monstrosity of a movie finally ended–it was good though). Are we obnoxious or just normal?

Somebody gave me a stack of papers that was paper clipped together.

The paperclip had boogers on it.

I puked a little in my mouth, then performed a delicate procedure to remove the paper clip without touching green specimen.

Bleh!

Know what I love? Cherry pie.

I had such a craving yesterday, and my only hope was to go to Polly’s (that’s a grocery store for all you non-Jackson folk) and buy one of those Hostess gas station “cherry pies” in the wax paper wrapping. With a glass of milk it wasn’t half bad. I actually like those things.

But then today I went to a Christmas luncheon for work and there on the dessert table was a delectable spread–ice cream, cheesecake, tiramisu, brownies. And cherry pie. Delicious looking cherry pie. So guess what I had after lunch?

A hot fudge sundae. Do you understand that they had hot fudge? And marshmallows and M&Ms and whipped cream? I was kind of hoping I’d develop a monster appetite because I so wanted to go back for the pie.

I told Brad I’m a terrible shopper and he shouldn’t expect anything great and exciting for Christmas. I’ve already wrapped all his present and they’re under the tree. Yesterday he was inspecting a couple identical boxes and he said he had a guess as to what they were.

Ties.

That was his guess. I don’t like men in ties, I’ve never seen him wear a tie. But that’s what he thought I got him for Christmas.

No, I’m not that terrible of a shopper! They’re not ties, they’re…

Just kidding! You’ll have to wait til Christmas babe.

I have the best boyfriend, friends and family ever. They all tricked me, the little buggers!

I’ve never had a surprise birthday party before, and my milestone birthdays always sucks (it’s a rule). Brad remembered all that and schemed with Emily and Robin to plan a surprise get together friday night. Many of my friends and family were there, we had dinner at Fridays downtown, then some of us went to the Bob.

It was so much fun, and I felt totally unworthy of so much love. I truly had no idea, not even a suspicion, so it was that much more exciting! Nobody brought a camera though, so I don’t even have proof that my people rock!

Thanks everybody, you’re all awesome.

What is everyone doing for New Year’s Eve? We need ideas.