My weekend was supposed to be spent alone and I was thrilled. But Mary got the flu and spent the whole weekend on the couch, totally cramping my style. Even though it is her house I’m living in. Damn.

I did do some fun stuff though–went to a latin/caribbean/African-American group’s concert, bought supplies for my Christmas present making endeavors, checked out a huge used book sale, tried a new church (first the time in a very long time), started my Christmas present making endeavors, read a lot, slept a lot, watched tv a little. I finished “The Bell Jar” and started “Prozac Nation”. That’s two books about depression and mental health in row. Unintentionally. Wondering if I’m supposed to be realizing something here.

I appreciate everyone’s insight on this. I appreciate that you all had some real thoughts and advice, I needed that. Just in response to a few things: I don’t appreciate the implication that women were created to amuse God and man. And no, I don’t need a bigger/stronger/richer/better man to get where I want to go, and I don’t need to change guys to get where I want to go. The problem is, I know where I want to go and I know how to get there. But my Person B doesn’t want to go there! So the question was, do I stay with him now, if I won’t be with him later? Nowhere did I say that I needed to “change guys” to get anywhere. More accurately, I don’t know if I can have a guy while I’m busy doing the things I want to do.

“What in the world is going to change in your world to make this guy go from qualified to hold an intimate relationship with you to utterly worthless?” Uh…my location in the world. I want to move out of Michigan soon, I want to do Peace Corps in a few years, etc. B doesn’t want to come along, and that’s fine with me. It has nothing to do with me becoming too good for him to be in my world anymore. We just have different goals. Not every relationships has to lead to marriage. We don’t have the spoken commitment that Ang and Kevin did, so it’s not like I’m bold-faced lying to him.

By circumstance and luck mostly, we ended up in the same town for now. I’m still doing something I want to do, it just happens to be near him. That’s what I mean when I say the relationship works for now. Someday, though, “what I want to do” won’t be near him. And I’m fine with not having a boyfriend so that I can pursue my goals at this point in my life. If he’s perfectly aware of all this, then why can’t we just enjoy the company for now? It’s nice being with someone who I’ve known for a few years and who I’m comfortable with. What’s so horrible about that?

I told him: I’m looking into things that will take me away from you in the near future. If you don’t want to be with me now, I understand. And he chose to be with me now. Maybe it’s because he won’t accept that I’m serious, but is it really my responsibility to end it now anyway? I don’t know. Honestly, I appreciate advice. Just don’t be condescending….Justin.:)