doahleigh - Holy Waste of Teabags!

Today is Robin’s birthday. Happy 23rd youngin’!

My weekend was supposed to be spent alone and I was thrilled. But Mary got the flu and spent the whole weekend on the couch, totally cramping my style. Even though it is her house I’m living in. Damn.

I did do some fun stuff though–went to a latin/caribbean/African-American group’s concert, bought supplies for my Christmas present making endeavors, checked out a huge used book sale, tried a new church (first the time in a very long time), started my Christmas present making endeavors, read a lot, slept a lot, watched tv a little. I finished “The Bell Jar” and started “Prozac Nation”. That’s two books about depression and mental health in row. Unintentionally. Wondering if I’m supposed to be realizing something here.

I appreciate everyone’s insight on this. I appreciate that you all had some real thoughts and advice, I needed that. Just in response to a few things: I don’t appreciate the implication that women were created to amuse God and man. And no, I don’t need a bigger/stronger/richer/better man to get where I want to go, and I don’t need to change guys to get where I want to go. The problem is, I know where I want to go and I know how to get there. But my Person B doesn’t want to go there! So the question was, do I stay with him now, if I won’t be with him later? Nowhere did I say that I needed to “change guys” to get anywhere. More accurately, I don’t know if I can have a guy while I’m busy doing the things I want to do.

“What in the world is going to change in your world to make this guy go from qualified to hold an intimate relationship with you to utterly worthless?” Uh…my location in the world. I want to move out of Michigan soon, I want to do Peace Corps in a few years, etc. B doesn’t want to come along, and that’s fine with me. It has nothing to do with me becoming too good for him to be in my world anymore. We just have different goals. Not every relationships has to lead to marriage. We don’t have the spoken commitment that Ang and Kevin did, so it’s not like I’m bold-faced lying to him.

By circumstance and luck mostly, we ended up in the same town for now. I’m still doing something I want to do, it just happens to be near him. That’s what I mean when I say the relationship works for now. Someday, though, “what I want to do” won’t be near him. And I’m fine with not having a boyfriend so that I can pursue my goals at this point in my life. If he’s perfectly aware of all this, then why can’t we just enjoy the company for now? It’s nice being with someone who I’ve known for a few years and who I’m comfortable with. What’s so horrible about that?

I told him: I’m looking into things that will take me away from you in the near future. If you don’t want to be with me now, I understand. And he chose to be with me now. Maybe it’s because he won’t accept that I’m serious, but is it really my responsibility to end it now anyway? I don’t know. Honestly, I appreciate advice. Just don’t be condescending….Justin.:)

Is it bad to be with someone if you know you don’t want to be with them forever? I thought most relationships were unsure until they had decided they wanted to get married. But maybe if you KNOW you don’t want to ever marry them, it’s unfair to stay with them. Even if you’ve tried to tell them this is how you feel.

What if they don’t seem to believe or accept this no matter how many times you explain it? They get upset, then say they want to stay together anyway, and later act like you never told them anything. What if you know they want to be with you forever, despite what you’ve explained to them many times? Is it wrong to stay with them for now? Maybe they think you’ll change your mind eventually. Is it your fault they can’t accept it and want to be with you anyway? What if this person fits into your life now, but doesn’t fit into future plans? And you’ve explained this…do you owe it to them to end it now? Or do you just enjoy being with them now since you did your best to get them to understand your thoughts for the future? You’ve been with this person a couple years and the relationship is good for you now, but you want something else in the future. What do you do? Is it unfair to stay with them?

Person A knows she doesn’t want forever. Person B knows he does.
Person A tries to explain to B that she doesn’t want forever. Person B doesn’t seem to understand that.
Is A leading B on by staying with him for the time being?

So remember Scott, the hooded custodian? Something weird just happened. First of all, yesterday I ate a yogurt while at work. That’s important to the story. Then I wasn’t around yesterday when he came to empty my trash. So today when he came in he goes, “Did you have your yogurt today?” Uh, no…

I feel strange about that. I can understand that when you empty trash a lot you might tend to notice what’s in there. But why did he remember the next day that there was an empty yogurt container in my trash can? And why did he point it out to me by asking if I had another today? Is there something strange about eating yogurt that I’m not aware of?

I feel like now he’ll always notice what I throw away. All those Starburst wrappers, my gum. I think I’ll throw this apple core away in the lounge!

What is that from? Something from my childhood…Saturday morning cartoons?…Nickelodeon? Anyway…

I’ve discovered this website: whatsthatcalled.com where you can look up songs from tv ads, see what their called and who the artist is. My whole life it has frustrated me that I like a song on a commercial and can’t figure out who/what it is. And recently there have been three songs that have caught my attention, so finally I have a place to search!

The commercial for TIAA-CREF–it’s a song from West Side Story, adapted.
The ad for VW where the couple takes that photo for the old lady.
The Toyota commercial with the tire rolling around by itself. That songs in my head right now.

Know which ones I’m talking about? Anybody else have any favorites they want to share?

(By the way, whenever I switch over to rich text mode, nothing works. Whatever I type doesn’t show up when I actually post…I discovered this by first previewing my entry. So I have to do everything in plain text which means I don’t have the link icon or the lj-cut and lj-user icons. Does that happen to anyone else? Any idea how to fix it?)

I got almost 12 hours of sleep last night! After dinner Brian wanted to lay down for a few minutes, so that was fine. But then I wanted to work on this project I’m doing. Instead we just fell asleep. For the night. I didn’t get up at all, and he only to turn off the light at 10:30 when we woke up and realized it had been a long five minutes. Then believe it or not, I could barely get up this morning when my alarm went off at 7, and I ended up sleeping in late. Til 7:20! Do the math people…I never get that much sleep at one time. Guess I needed it though. And with that much sleep, I’m absolutely gorgeous today! Yeah…

Not much to talk about, but I thought I’d post just so I could make sure my new icon is working properly. Sorry Claude but you had to go. I failed to get a friend with a digital camera to take a cool picture of me, so it was back to google images. This is what I came up with. I like it, it’ll do for now.

I had an extremely busy week and weekend, so I’m gathering my wits about me to get through this week. I’m ready for a vacation I think, but I don’t have any planned until May. I bought a ticket to Missoula for a week in May to visit Ann and Em! That still leaves me some vacation time, any suggestions? Remember I make less than minimum wage as a VISTA, so think thrifty travels.

I found out that the insurance I have through CNCS (the Corporation that runs Americorps and therefore pays my stipend, etc) might cover my birth control while I’m serving if I do direct mail prescriptions! Now this isn’t for sure, I haven’t read the fine print, so don’t get too excited for me yet. But I’d be so happy because even Planned Parenthood was far too expensive for my budget. Brian was going to help, but free is even better!

I hate loud, smoke-filled rooms where everyone is drinking just to get drunk, and where there’s a band that keeps asking women to show their boobs. Why did I wait in line in the cold and pay 5 dollars to sit through this? I’m still not sure how it happened exactly. We were having fun at Bonny’s, drinking strawberry daquiris and beer. But Pulaski Days brought us out, and I guess everyone else had fun. I tried not be a party-pooper, but I just can’t fake having fun very well. Eventually we got to go to the lower level of the hall where Robin and I tried to master the fine art of polka dancing. Then we hit Yesterdog on the way home, so the night got better.

Saturday I found myself in the middle of an intense religious discussion with my super-Christian grandparents and aunt and uncle. I love them (especially my g-parents) and I must admit they were more open-minded than usual. But at one point I was condemned and going to hell (so were my mom, sister and brother, also in attendance). Fortunately when everyone else lost it and were about to just leave, I kept my cool and talked my way through a lengthy explanation of where we were really coming from. In the end, we’re no longer going to hell and I got lots of compliments on my deep thinking, intelligence, and articulate way of speaking. Phew, looks like I saved the family for now.

I got to watch Cam for awhile Sunday. That kid wears me out, and I was relieved when he fell asleep for a couple hours. But I just can’t get enough of him. He has a fetish for tight spots (ie: the 3-inch space between the chair and the table, rather than simply walking around the furniture), the fireplace, opening drawers, and the woods behind the house. He also entertained himself for 15 minutes by snapping the hair tie on my wrist and laughing hysterically when I cried out in pain. And we had a pretend biting contest. He likes to inflict pain I’ve noticed. Should we be concerned?

My other brother, Josh, is recovering beautifully from his accident! It’ll be a long road still, but he’s doing good. And we’re in the middle of a lawsuit now–very typical for how things would go in my family. At least we’re on the prosecuting side.