I am so honored and grateful to be a mom and to have been able to celebrate my first Mother's Day as a mother myself. I want to say that first so it doesn't get lost in what may sound like a complain-y post. In the end, it didn't really matter what kind of day yesterday was because I'm a mother every day now, and that is something not everyone who wants it gets to have. I am all too aware.
So, my first Mother's Day as a mother was a bit stressful. I think the number one culprit is that my anti-anxiety meds don't seem to be as effective as they used to be. I've been feeling overwhelmed, and down and dark, unable to deal with even the smallest issues lately. And that's what the meds are supposed to help with. (Maybe a bit of post-partum depression seeping back in?) On Sunday, we had my family over, something we do often. Our home is sort of a hub for my large family, and we're used to having many people over at once. This time, it was only about a third of the people that are normally involved, and yet it stressed me out.
Later, I took Mo to visit my Grandma, and I was genuinely worried about doing that without Mike who was visiting with his mom. I worried about what I'd do if she got fussy or if she wouldn't nap. It's not since the Dark Days that I've felt incapable of parenting alone for any amount of time.
On top of all that, Mo had an off day. She woke up in the middle of the night for the first time in weeks, and then napped poorly all day, leading to one very cranky baby. Which lead to one very cranky mom. On my way home from my Grandma's, I called Mike and said for Mother's Day I needed a hot shower and 15 minutes to myself. I hated that I was asking to be away from my daughter for any part of this day that was supposed to celebrate the wonder of being a mother, but I knew it was for both our goods. I felt much better after my mini-escape and we spent the rest of the evening playing and cuddling.
What I learned from yesterday is that some days are good and some days are less good, and there's no guarantee that Mother's Day is going to be one of the great ones. But I'm blessed enough to have my Mo, and that makes every day a mother's day. I don't think I've ever been more thankful for anything.
Top left: Mo with her great grandma. Bottom left: Mo with her grandma. Right: Mo and me (and my giant zit) (and the giant bags under my eyes)!
(By the way, Mike and Mo framed some maternity pictures and Mo photos for me as a Mother's Day gift. Mike also made waffles for all the mothers that came over. It was all very sweet.)
(By the way again, last Mother's Day I had just found I was pregnant, having had an ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage a few months earlier.)